I was recently at a sober prom party and as the result of being present, I noticed a magnet on the refrigerator door in the amazingly beautiful home hosting the party. It read, “Everything will be good in the end. If it’s not good, it’s not the end.”
It’s a perfect description of my faith in a God that wants nothing but love and light for me and every other human. It’s the reason I can let go of trying to control and judge my environment.
One of the biggest aha moments I’ve had in sobriety this time around has been the loss of the need t o label events in the past and present as “good” or “bad”. Working daily on becoming more and more conscious and awakening spiritually has created that paradigm shift in my thinking and perspective on everything, including loosing judgement on what I think should happen in life.
Now, I can move with ease throughout my day open to my experience with widely open eyes. In coming to believe in a God I can trust my life with as well as the lives of others I care for, all experiences that occur just seem to become necessary as part of a greater plan. My children living with their alcoholic father, under his care for the first time without me physically present, as part of my losing custody, is a necessary experience they need to have as part of their path. I can let go and trust that God is caring for them in the same way he cared for me all along.
There is definite freedom in the letting go of these labels, judgements and all the emotions attached to them. When I can look back at the entire picture of my life and feel absolute gratitude for every tiny moment that has taken place and truly understand that there needs to be no guilt, shame or disappointment because of it, I not only feel more faith but freedom.
This has just simply been my unique journey.
When I sit with another person like me and have an honest conversation about what I have struggled with just for them to have that sigh of relief from the realization that they are and have not been alone, it all seems worth it.
I can relax in the fact that everything from the people who I come in contact with, to how they behave, the choices they make and things that happen around me as a result are not my responsibility but just become a part of my journey, a mirror, a lesson, a blessing or all three. There is a lesson for growth in it all. I can stop judging everyone and everything. There is a greater plan at work and I just play my small part in it on this planet. I was in bondage of the negativity that comes from being dissatisfied by the result of how I think something should have turned out, when I can’t see big enough to understand what true outcome.
Who am I to say that any experiences I had in the past that I had viewed as absolutely horrifying at the time was not something that I had to go through to get to where I am now? Without any part of my story, would I be propelled towards the growth I seek today?
Who am I to define an event as good or bad when I am not the one in charge of this world and have no idea of the ultimate plan that God has for all of us? Doesn’t my experience give me the opportunity to help turn on the light in another human being, like those who have had similar experiences as I, traveled the road before me and lift me up with the hope that comes from the overcoming of these trials themselves?
These fellow traveler’s live amazingly free. In witnessing that, I find hope. My faith strengthens because this is happening now for myself and others as well.
The more I turn my attitude towards light, the more light I shine in this world. When someone is suffering, I can recognize it as such and be loving while staying out of the result of their experience. The more I treat others with love and kindness, no matter how they treat me, the more I feel loved. When I feel loved the more love I recognize in the world. To me, this complete surrender to the idea of a divine plan, is true freedom.
The driving force in my life today is to be in the moments of life, love and connection with others. The more I seek spirituality, the more pleasant life becomes around me, which continues to grow and grow. People come into my life that are traveling the same path with the same vibration and together we seek something greater than what exists in the material world. A world that blinds and distracts us from what is real.
For a girl who had lost all hope in humanity and wanted to exit this earth out of complete and utter despair, my new perspective on life and all humans in seems nothing less than miraculous. Most importantly, I did not do this alone. I have relied on God every step of the way.