Ego Wants

Excepting things just as they are at this exact moment in time is often difficult for someone like me. Someone who is constantly searching for answers and a clear path to follow. With desires and dreams that my spirit yearns for, it’s hard to know which way to turn sometimes.

I want to live but I don’t want to make mistakes, experience pain or have to know yet again, rejection.

I have vulnerable episodes when ego wins over spirit, where in the moment it’s hard to see why I want or feel I need the things I do. My thinking mind spins in circles of endless questions that seem hopelessly futile.

This is all around wanting a partner to share life with.

Why do I feel so connected to this person?

Why do I feel like I need this person in my life?

Why does my soul just want to be around them?

Why can’t I just say my truth directly to them and let the chips fall where they may?

What if I miss my chance and that moment is forever lost?

What if their life course changes in a instant and that someone who may have felt the same, let go of the idea of me because they can’t read my mind?

I was afraid.

And the open window of fate slams shut?

Why have I not able to have someone in my life that I can share my everything with, a reciprocal connection on a deep and spiritual level?

How do I know when to act on opportunity or when to hold back and be patient?

What if it was them?

What if it’s not and I am wrong?

And then I ask God for help.

I’m ok, alone, in this moment.

I remember that I’m developing an intuition through a connection with a God that, if I ask to quiet my ego, I will be able to hear. I remember that I trust God with my life and I know he will bring me more than I ever would have settled for.

It’s never in my time.

If I don’t have the answers I seek today, I keep clearing a path to find them.

I don’t struggle.
Today, I just have to be.
I trust.
I continue to love.

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