Excepting things just as they are at this exact moment in time is often difficult for someone like me. Someone who is constantly searching for answers and a clear path to follow. With desires and dreams that my spirit yearns for, it’s hard to know which way to turn sometimes.
I want to live but I don’t want to make mistakes, experience pain or have to know yet again, rejection.
I have vulnerable episodes when ego wins over spirit, where in the moment it’s hard to see why I want or feel I need the things I do. My thinking mind spins in circles of endless questions that seem hopelessly futile.
This is all around wanting a partner to share life with.
Why do I feel so connected to this person?
Why do I feel like I need this person in my life?
Why does my soul just want to be around them?
Why can’t I just say my truth directly to them and let the chips fall where they may?
What if I miss my chance and that moment is forever lost?
What if their life course changes in a instant and that someone who may have felt the same, let go of the idea of me because they can’t read my mind?
I was afraid.
And the open window of fate slams shut?
Why have I not able to have someone in my life that I can share my everything with, a reciprocal connection on a deep and spiritual level?
How do I know when to act on opportunity or when to hold back and be patient?
What if it was them?
What if it’s not and I am wrong?
And then I ask God for help.
I’m ok, alone, in this moment.
I remember that I’m developing an intuition through a connection with a God that, if I ask to quiet my ego, I will be able to hear. I remember that I trust God with my life and I know he will bring me more than I ever would have settled for.
It’s never in my time.
If I don’t have the answers I seek today, I keep clearing a path to find them.
I don’t struggle.
Today, I just have to be.
I continue to love.