All the ideas I had based living my “old life” on, ones I never knew I believed let alone consciously questioned where they came from, have proven inafective. They had been keeping me in bondage.
I’ve been blessed with the gift of clarity and awareness to the truth. Inititally it was like a blindfold lifted from my eyes. Now, it’s like a slower process of my eyes focusing to the adjustment of a bright light after only seeing darkness.
Living in a state of being “off to the races” as some call it, speeding through life in an effort to do the most, get the most and feel the most I possibly could, had me under the allusion that I would find wholeness. The problem was, I was missing everything and found nothing but a never ending rabbit hole that led me to hell. I would’ve kept chasing that lie had it not been for a divine intervention.
I was in a constant fight with everything and everyone. Nothing was ever acceptable to me. No outcome was good enough. No person acted as I thought they should. God was punishing me. Life was futile. My whole emotional well being was dependant on outside factors lining up just the way I wanted.
And they never did.
Coming to and breaking down, I saw that I knew nothing of how things should be for me or anyone else. I saw in my own life that I needed pain, loss and insanity. Though not liking it (and I still don’t), I needed it to surrender my will and rigid way of thinking. I needed to experience lack of control to see that I control nothing outside of my own actions.
Relief is allowing things to be as they are. Peace is not needing things to happen in any certain way, by seperating myself and my feelings from what happens around me, allowing the flow of the universe to just pass through me.
Moving slow and steady, training my thinking to stay in the day I am in and focusing on experiences in each present moment, help me stay centred. I am aware of and experience synchronicity.
I can feel connected.
I can be loving.
I can be free.
Knowing that in this very moment, separate from the chaos of the past and the fear of future, I am okay, I can find peace.
Everything is beautiful today, right here, right now. I am right where I am meant to be.
Life is unfolding right before my eyes. Instead of futile and tragic, it appears fascinating and exciting.