How quickly I can forget how bad the road was that led me to my bottom. I can forget all kinds of things pretty quickly. If only my last bottom was enough to motivate me to continuously grow spiritually and protect myself from sliding back to a road that eventually leads to relapse.
The problem with relapse, and I’ve experienced it too many times, is that I can’t see it coming until it’s usually too late. Nothing anyone says gets through to me because I am by then, blocked from God and the ways in which God speaks to me through others.
If I go back further, I have lost my willingness to take action that can lift me out of my suffering.
Back even further than that, I have lost my connection, faith and trust in God.
Or maybe I never had it to begin with.
The most important factor for me this time is that I have a concept of God that I can trust with every aspect of my life. I must always put serving God first, or I have nothing.
I spent a lot of time coming to terms with what I figured a concept I could trust would be, just to begin with. And since then, with just a beginning, that concept is constantly changing and evolving.
I can’t give up trying to manage and control the world unless I believe there is something far more capable than me already doing so, with my and everyone else’s best interests at heart.
I can’t let go of one thing without the faith of something far better, if I have no faith that things are removed from me for a good reason.
If I stay on this road of faith, even through what appears to be the worst of times, there is always something better. All I have to do is look back on my life to see why things had to happen the way they did, to bring me to the beauty of today.
If I really take a good look around me, with the vision of gratitude, life is pretty terrific today, just as it is.