What Actually Happened

I’m so happy you are fighting for your connection with God
Nothing would be possible without it
In that moment though
I hoped you would give another answer with that

I wanted you to say you would fight for me
For love
That you realized you didn’t want to be without me
Not because you can’t be alone
But because we had something real
I wanted you to say you have missed me
That the world seems brighter when we are together

I wished you would’ve said these things
You asked what I would fight for
I have fought for something
I fought for you and it didn’t matter

I was standing there hoping
That now it might come from you
That you would say what I needed to hear

But you didn’t
And that was my answer

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It’s You


I imagine all of your dreams coming true

Your life full of joy

A full heart and peaceful existence

Giving love

Smiles and hugs

Touching the souls of people across the world

Being a part of the whole

Of rising up from the sickness and sadness

Bringing on the destined evolution

Laughing and singing as butterflies land on your shoulder

Seeing that heaven knows not space and time

But exists right here and now

And you grab onto it

Moments

Moments in time
Pass in the blink of an eye
Intersecting across time
Rippling across earth

Creating a divine plan
Changing destinies
New sacred paths
Actions not taken

Missed opportunities
New experiences come
Winding through each life
The present becomes past

A faint trail behind us
The voice speaks
To listen or ignore
The trail winds again

Tomorrow is not promised
The sands of the hourglass sift
Never catching yesterday
Would my soul be at peace?

What Can I Give Today?

If I am to be anything to anyone else the best thing I can do is build within myself first.

I have found that when I know who I am, when I am spiritually connected, when I focus on the things I need to change in me, when I believe in not just who I am today but who I am becoming, I can then come into relationships with others and bring goodness.

If I don’t have love in me to give then my relationships don’t work. If I’m filled with anger, resentment and fear, that is what I give to others. If I’m filled with judgement of myself then all I do is judge others.

When I love myself I can focus on what I can bring to others, to help lighten their lives and how I can love them better. I can find more peace in these relationships.

It’s in the turning away from what I think I need to get from people and turning to what I can give to them that I find everything I’ve been looking for.

I put each relationship to the test.

What can I bring to my relationships today?

Have I done the work within myself to create loving relationships?

All I Know

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What a brilliant mind
I loved to debate
Reason impeccable
Nothing escaped

People would come
Seeking an answer
I would oblige
Heart filled with pride

Yet I struggled
With pain unbearable
Thoughts inescapable
I begged for help

Brought before the One
I was told to surrender
So that I may be shown
The light of my being

My mind said:
How could you have what you don’t already know?
Love answered:
Be silent so you may experience the Truth

In my quiet
I was moved deep within
A world full of treasures
Love, Peace and Truth

Everyday I’m shown some more
When reason objects
I laugh
My heart knows what’s true

And since that day
All has changed
Now, when they ask
I answer:
I only know surrender

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Loving Is The How

Though it seems that way

You are not alone

Spirit surrounds you

God is your home

 

The heart you buried

So deep within

Hidden behind iron walls

No sunlight can get in

 

Thinking you can avoid

When hiding from pain

Failing to see

That beauty lives in the rain

 

Pride tells lies

Holding on so tight

To a false sense of safety

When there’s no wrong or right

 

Open up to life

And all it’s glory

See with your soul

You are not your story

 

Denying what is truth

Afraid to speak

That’s when you suffer

Find courage when you’re weak

 

Miracles will occur

When walking through fear

Because none of it’s real

In your heart is what’s clear

 

You get what you give

Loving is the how

Forget past and future

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Unlearn Everything

“We don’t need to learn anything new. We just need to unlearn everything we think we know.”

I never realized that I was going to try to just settle for an average life. Old beliefs, the ones I never even questioned or stopped to think about where they came from, kept me from believing I could go anywhere and do anything I could dream up.

My deepest dreams seemed somehow unreachable. So one by one as I grew up from being a child, I let them all go. I was told that I needed a college education to be anything, that I would have to work hard for my money (and not necessarily enjoy it), that if I didn’t get married and have children something was off with me. I believed I should find “the one” and it should last forever.

I believed that to have a powerful impact on my children, I had to be physically present with them everyday. These are just some of the beliefs that determined how I lived life. No one ever told me to just be who I felt I was meant to be. That I could just be free to be me and what everyone else is doing may not equal happiness.

My experience so far has been that anything is possible and love wins over everything else. Being loving without conditions on that love not only grants me freedom but it creates a path for the impossible to occur.

My job is not hard. It doesn’t feel like work. I get to be me. I get to be of service to amazing girls. I get the daughters I never had. I get to be around those that are walking the same path towards enlightenment that I travel.

The bond I have with my children through the love I have given and continue to give is beyond anything. I don’t have to live with them or do the things most moms do to be their hero. It’s the love that they recognize and eat up.  

It’s why my 15 year old sings me songs in the car that people have made about their moms. It’s why he tells me more than most teenage boys tell their parents. It’s why his smile and eyes shine when we are together. It’s why he feels safe with me. It’s why he proudly talks to his friends about who his mom is. It’s the reason he asks me to stay longer because it’s important to him for me to meet his girlfriend.

My love, he says, is the reason he feels encouraged to follow his truth and succeed.

Success means something totally different to me today. It doesn’t consist of a pay check, money, the car, the house, the intimate partner, the admiration of others or anything like that.

Today it means that my life is full of love and close relationships, self respect, self love, inner peace and fulfillment. It’s only been seven and a half months on this new part of my human journey and I’ve gained so much of what I always wanted but was looking in all the wrong places for.

Gratitude fills my heart and if I really take a good look at truth, I’m already exactly where I need to be.