In the book Conversations With God, Neale Walsh writes his answer from God about the two deepest emotions that motivate humans – love and fear.
“And here is how human behavior produces repeat experience after repeat experience; it is why humans love, then destroy, then love again: always there is the swing from one emotion to the other. Love sponsors fear sponsors love sponsors fear.
And the reason is found in the first lie—the lie which you hold as the truth about God—that God cannot be trusted; that God’s love cannot be depended upon; that God’s acceptance of you is conditional; that the ultimate outcome is thus in doubt. For if you cannot depend on God’s love to always be there, on whose love can you depend? If God retreats and withdraws when you do not perform properly, will not mere mortals also?
And so it is that in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear.
For the first thing you worry about after saying “I love you” is whether you’ll hear it back. And if you hear it back, then you begin immediately to worry that the love you have just found, you will lose. And so all action becomes a reaction—defense against loss—even as you seek to defend yourself against the loss of God.
Yet if you knew Who You Are—that you are the most magnificent, the most remarkable, the most splendid being God has ever created—you would never fear. For who could reject such wondrous magnificence? Not even God could find fault in such a being.”
Thank god I have loving people in my life, surrounding me, that tell me the truth. They don’t co-sign on my crap and tell me what I want to hear to make me “feel better”.
They don’t hold my hand and placate me co-dependenttly.
That is not love.
They love me enough to risk me being angry by hearing the harsh truth from them.
If the ones I care about continually were to tell me that hurtful behaviour was okay, that I am right to be angry, cowardly, selfish and self centered, then my ego will grasp onto that and tell me I don’t need to change anything.
That I am justified in my actions.
I don’t need to grow towards anything better.
I am stuck.
But I choose those to surround myself with.
If I don’t really want truth and growth, I won’t allow people into my circle that won’t let me get away with selfish, ego driven behaviour.
If I stay stuck I do not grow.
And most of all harm myself.
“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, DEPEND upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
It’s sad but there are just people in this world that honour their darkness and just can’t stand their own light.
Darkness is a cancer that spreads.
They are hurt people who continue to hurt people.
Jesus said, “forgive them for they know not what they do.”
People who act and react based on the character created by their past, never gaining awareness of themselves or why they do what they do, create havoc in the lives of others.
What’s worse are those who have awareness of what they do but have no desire to change.
They just stay stuck in their story, their “character”.
You can do nothing to help someone who is unwilling to be helped. That’s when the job is done and it’s time to move on.
Some people just will live out their fate in darkness, living in sickness, and never grow towards anything better.
I’m sad for those people.
As sad as it is to watch, I thank God that it’s not me.
I will never be perfect.
I do however thank God that I have the gift of willingness to strive towards light and truth, that I can reach for solution.
I fight hard everyday to keep the darkness at bay.
I can lay my head down on my pillow and know if there’s no tomorrow, my soul will be at peace.
I loved and served those in front of me the best I could.
I wouldn’t want the alternative.
Thank you God for the lesson so my soul can evolve.
I got the message loud and clear.
The least people deserve is the truth.
The worst way to harm another is to withhold it.