Make no mistake you asked for all of this. The all loving universe responded to your wish as it always does when we set intentions.
This thing, this lesson, this growth, whether your ego agrees or not, likes it or not, is what your soul desires.
And the soul always wins.
The quicker you stop resisting and seek answers from within, and follow what your soul already knows but wants you to remember, the quicker the lesson with be over.
To thine own self be true.
Do without judgement for God does not judge.
You need not forgiveness from Him because nothing you could ever do is wrong in His eyes.
You need forgive yourself for it is in the dark place called your mind that the concept of right and wrong exists.
It is a construct of the human ego.
So the question is:
Can you forgive yourself?