First Thing’s First

The problem of being stuck in self was the root of all my problems.

When I all I think about is how I am going to manage in this world, how I am going to have money, security, a career, friends, lovers, having fun, safety and everything else I can obsess about, the result is misery.

For me everything goes back to the relationship I have with my creator. If I trust this thing, if I believe it is always by my side, guiding and protecting me, then I have much less fear about life and my place in it.

I have surrendered to the fact that I am here to do the will of my creator first and not my own.

That doesn’t mean I don’t get to have an amazing life. In fact the more I put others first and serve my creator and humanity, the more my life steadily improves.

It sometimes feels like getting out of self is against my natural inclination. However it is only my ego that fights it, not the ultimate nature of my being.

I just continually do all I can to keep the gift of my awakening alive and take actions to not slip backwards into unconsciousness.

It works, it really does.

11 Months

Today marks eleven months of sobriety without any mind altering substances.

Coming to believe in an all loving creator has transformed everything about me. Building a relationship with my creator, placing my life in his hands and slowly walking step by step, hand in hand with faith, has made this last eleven months the most amazing time in my life.

It has been full of triumphs and heartache. I have had moments of feeling lost and moments of bliss.

That’s the human experience.

Most of all, I finally have the solid belief that anything is possible and limits have seemed to fall away.

Continually I learn, grow and awaken.

How could I not be grateful for my life as it is today compared to how I’ve lived before this?

Reborn

Never would I have been able to predict how my life was going to turn out so far if I would’ve been asked a year ago.

A year ago I was in the darkest time of my life. I didn’t know it could get that dark.

Yet it did.

I was full of terror, hopeless and had a feeling of impending doom, as I predicted the end of my life had finally come and I could see it happening in slow motion before my eyes.

I had lost my sanity, stuck circling the drain of madness.

My 2 sons were scared of me and for me, with the rest of my family baffled as to what to do with me.

I had lost everything.

The memories and flashbacks that come of the last year are a gift, for it reminds me of where I came from and pushes me forward to seek something better.

I hope I never forget.

Today my life looks so different on the inside and outside. I have a full life with people who inspire and encourage me, an amazing career in helping others that have come from where I did and most importantly I am able to love and be loved.

I know am on the path I need to be on because everything just falls into place.

I have a purpose on this planet and my most important job is to seek and fulfill what that is.

Gratitude fills my heart for being lifted out of my old life.

I have been reborn.

The Silence

“Make peace with silence, and remind yourself that it is in this space that you’ll come to remember your spirit. When you’re able to transcend an aversion to silence, you’ll also transcend many other miseries. And it is in this silence that the remembrance of God will be activated.”

Wayne Dyer

Bless Every “Hard” Experience

In times of suffering and struggle, when we perceive things as bad, wrong, or not how they should be, there are always hidden gifts to be found.

For example, when some of my past relationships had ended, I had a hard time letting go.

With each one, I held onto the pain and confusion having no idea what was behind the inability to let go.

Intellectually I knew that these relationships weren’t working.

Intellectually, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted.

What my mind was telling me was that I missed them terribly because I loved them and getting over it was just a waiting game.

It wasn’t until the last relationship ended that through finally honestly asking God for knowledge and power in this area of my life, had I been granted the gift of awareness that what I really was needing was to work on facing these painful things that were holding me back from a new level of freedom.

I wasn’t awake to the fact that while I loved these people, what I was really missing were those opportunities to loose myself in something else, using them to distract myself from, and avoid the things that at the time were too painful to deal with from within myself.

And that was when I became free of it.

It wasn’t the specific person at all.

My soul was finally ready for this deeper understanding.

My soul was ready to face these things I needed to be free from.

I never would’ve seen this while I was in it.

I thank God for the opportunity through pain and suffering for the chance to know him and myself better.

How Do You Wish To Vibrate?

“Let’s say you’re feeling excited, joyful, and grateful. Those emotions send out high-frequency vibrations that magnetize more things to be excited, joyful, and grateful about. Anything with the same high frequency will prance on over to your energy field. However, if you’re scared, guilt-ridden, and convinced there’s a terrorist around every corner, you’re sending out low-frequency vibrations that will attract ugly things into your life. We always attract our vibrational match. We are the initiators of the vibrations, and therefore the “magnets,” or the cause.”

Pam Grout