Maybe God has been listening all along.
Maybe God already has placed the perfect person in my life, right in front of me, yet I just refused to see it.
Maybe I’ve already met my soul mate but I was afraid of getting everything I’ve been saying I want all along?
I say I want a partner, a lover, loyalty, love without conditions, someone who makes me better, someone who won’t leave me, yet when that person comes along I turn them away?
Maybe I really don’t want these things.
Maybe I chase those who end up leaving me because I get uncomfortable with someone who really loves me exactly the way I am?
Someone who sees into my soul and knows the very parts that make me who I am?
Someone who sees the good in me, and accepts the “not so good”.
Maybe the intimacy that kind of person brings is the one holding a mirror to myself, showing me that I’d rather chase someone who is unavailable.
How do I know that something I thought was wrong, is actually right?
How do I know that something I thought was harmful was actually the perfect thing for me?
How does one know that?
Who makes those decisions? My friends? Therapist? Sponsor? My head? My alcoholism?
Where is God in all this?
What and who do I listen to?
What would my soul have me do? What would love do? What would self love do?
Sometimes it’s hard to know which is the voice of fear and which is the voice of love.
Awakening is listening to the God within.