Nothing Left To Loose

Much has changed
Some things haven’t

Thoughts of you are like being in a house of mirrors
Which ever I way I turn
I face reality without you
It comes and goes like waves

For a long time I don’t think of you…
Until I do

Waking up
sometimes
I wonder where you are
Are you thinking of me?
Do I think of you because somewhere, out there, I can tell I am on your mind?
You rejected me
Not once
Not twice
Too many times to count
The blades of each time scarred me
And my chest carries the weight of life without you
So heavy
Merciless

Like an unwanted visitor
You invade my peace at night
when the moon shines on my dreams
Some days
On the street
you are in every face
I deleted all photos of you
But I forget and search my phone anyway
Why did I do that?
I then remember
Photos with your face next to mine
The smell of your skin
Reminds me that it all is no longer there
That it never was there, or anywhere
Like a moving image
That dissipated and dissolved into nothingness

But it all still lives there my heart
And your not here to feel it

Your truth is yours to keep
And I have no judgement
There is no anger, no resentment
You’ve done nothing wrong
If I weren’t in the story
I would champion your search
I would tell you to never to give up
I would admire your determination

After all, I have it that determination too
We are alike in that way

And my truth is…
I stay away
Because
I never again wish to be second best to anyone
To never feel the burn of rejection
To be the one, the only one

To stare into the gaze of the one I am with and see nothing behind their eyes but a knowing that I am the one they want

I won’t waiver on that
So there is no bridge to cross
No ground to meet in the middle
It’s the same old stalemate

No doubt
Just love

 

A Story Of Bad Timing

Weaving past one another
Intersecting for moments
Different directions

Never being direct
Cryptic messages
Never facing reality

Sneaking into subconscious
Life a thief in the night
Stealing peace

Wanting
Not wanting
Go away come back

Doubting
Overthinking

Why waste another day
When I love you
And I believe you love me too

It’s Gonna Be You and Me

I left behind my blond locks, cigarettes, and any relationship with another, all in the hopes you would return home, to where I am.

Silly, really, since you are long, long gone.

In my dreams we laugh and live a life of freedom together.

All the things we never said, we say, and we mean it.

We do things differently.

I am different and then so are you.

We get a do over, to make right the wrongs.

I’m not afraid, and neither are you.

You finally see me, I mean, really see me.

In my dreams it’s great, and we are great together.

Really, really great.

Then I wake up, and you are not here.

Things are how they are, so I move on.

Yes I’m Talking About Love

There is much to be said of love.

It is the sun’s love that opens a flower, just as love opens a child.

Love heals emotional pain, love heals emptiness, for when there there is emptiness, there is no love.

We can’t measure emptiness, but we can measure love.

When there is love there is fullness, and wholeness.

Just like rain is necessary to grow new things on earth, tears to human beings heal us so new things can grow in our lives.

Allow yourself tears today in healing.

If you are feeling empty and incomplete, find someone to love.

Let that one you find to love be you!

Your Jacket

Wrapped up in your jacket
But not through your sleeves
Your arms around your jacket and me

I can’t wiggle out
Why would I want to try
I tilt up my chin and catch your eyes

Brown with gold flecks
Looking down to the place
Where one finger brushes my lips and face

Resting my head
In the corner of your neck
Squeezing me tighter just to check

That I’m right here with you now
That I know where you are
That I feel us together
Under this winter moon and stars

I’m not leaving yet
I’m staying right here
This time and this moment
Sees us perfectly clear

Tonight With You

There were times I had resigned myself to being alone on this journey. I had been asked, “If God wanted you to be alone for the rest of this life, would you be willing?”.

My answer was yes.

If I felt that it’s was God’s plan for me, in order to fulfill my purpose, I absolutely would.

But then recently, out of the blue, when I least expected it, I met you. I knew right away that you would inspire me, guide me and at least for now, actually help me fulfill my destiny.

I looked into your eyes, and you didn’t turn away but looked right back at me and I saw past the mask and into your soul.

It’s the most lovely sight.

Your smile makes me smile.

Your laugh makes me laugh.

Your strength makes me feel safe.

Your embrace is warm and gentle.

We sway back and forth to the music that doesn’t exist, and you don’t let go until after I let go.

We lay back and stare at the stars and wonder what it’s all about.

If tonight was the last time we had and tomorrow didn’t exist, I would be thankful that I had this feeling, right here, with you now.

This whole dream is about connecting with others.

And I’ve been blessed to share this all with you.

Watching Water

There is a lot to be learned by being present and observing one’s environment.

The smallest, most mundane thing can have the most amazing meaning and connection to all things.

As I sat by the pool in the hot sun, with the water completely still, I dipped just one toe in the water.

I watched as the ripples spread out in circles across the pool. When finally, it reached one of the chlorine dispensers floating in the pool, circular ripples bounced off and outward, eventually crossing over the ripples from my toe. When the ripples finally reached the edge of the pool, it bounced back, creating a giant pattern of ripples.

I took a step back and looked at the pool, once still, that now was dancing with a multitude of waves and ripples, vibrating all throughout.

It dawned on me that this is what we do, everyday with our words and actions. A small thing like a smile, vibrates outward to everything it touches. And then that object or person reacts back outward into the universe, touching more and more people, reaching farther and farther distances.

Can a tiny act of kindness reach across the entire globe and cause great things to happen?

Can magnificent, beautiful and perfect change happen from one simple loving thing?

I believe so.

All you have to do is just watch water.