A Praise Chorus

Advertisements

If It’s Not Good, It’s Not The End

I was recently at a sober prom party and as the result of being present, I noticed a magnet on the refrigerator door in the amazingly beautiful home hosting the party. It read, “Everything will be good in the end.  If it’s not good, it’s not the end.”

It’s a perfect description of my faith in a God that wants nothing but love and light for me and every other human.  It’s the reason I can let go of trying to control and judge my environment.

One of the biggest aha moments I’ve had in sobriety this time around has been the loss of the need t o label events in the past and present as “good” or “bad”.  Working daily on becoming more and more conscious and awakening spiritually has created that paradigm shift in my thinking and perspective on everything, including loosing judgement on what I think should happen in life.

Now, I can move with ease throughout my day open to my experience with widely open eyes. In coming to believe in a God I can trust my life with as well as the lives of others I care for, all experiences that occur just seem to become necessary as part of a greater plan.  My children living with their alcoholic father, under his care for the first time without me physically present, as part of my losing custody, is a necessary experience they need to have as part of their path.  I can let go and trust that God is caring for them in the same way he cared for me all along.

There is definite freedom in the letting go of these labels, judgements and all the emotions attached to them.  When I can look back at the entire picture of my life and feel absolute gratitude for every tiny moment that has taken place and truly understand that there needs to be no guilt, shame or disappointment because of it, I not only feel more faith but freedom.

This has just simply been my unique journey.

When I sit with another person like me and have an honest conversation about what I have struggled with just for them to have that sigh of relief from the realization that they are and have not been alone, it all seems worth it.

I can relax in the fact that everything from the people who I come in contact with, to how they behave, the choices they make and things that happen around me as a result are not my responsibility but just become a part of my journey, a mirror, a lesson, a blessing or all three.  There is a lesson for growth in it all.  I can stop judging everyone and everything. There is a greater plan at work and I just play my small part in it on this planet.  I was in bondage of the negativity that comes from being dissatisfied by the result of how I think something should have turned out, when I can’t see big enough to understand what true outcome.

Who am I to say that any experiences I had in the past that I had viewed as absolutely horrifying at the time was not something that I had to go through to get to where I am now?  Without any part of my story, would I be propelled towards the growth I seek today?

Who am I to define an event as good or bad when I am not the one in charge of this world and have no idea of the ultimate plan that God has for all of us? Doesn’t my experience give me the opportunity to help turn on the light in another human being, like those who have had similar  experiences as I, traveled the road before me and lift me up with the hope that comes from the overcoming of these trials themselves?

These fellow traveler’s live amazingly free.  In witnessing that, I find hope.  My faith strengthens because this is happening now for myself and others as well.

The more I turn my attitude towards light, the more light I shine in this world.  When someone is suffering, I can recognize it as such and be loving while staying out of the result of their experience.  The more I treat others with love and kindness, no matter how they treat me, the more I feel loved.  When I feel loved the more love I recognize in the world. To me, this complete surrender to the idea of a divine plan, is true freedom.

The driving force in my life today is to be in the moments of life, love and connection with others.  The more I seek spirituality, the more pleasant life becomes around me, which continues to grow and grow.  People come into my life that are traveling the same path with the same vibration and together we seek something greater than what exists in the material world.  A world that blinds and distracts us from what is real.

For a girl who had lost all hope in humanity and wanted to exit this earth out of complete and utter despair, my new perspective on life and all humans in seems nothing less than miraculous.  Most importantly, I did not do this alone.  I have relied on God every step of the way.

Awakening of My Spirit

If there is a hell on earth, I lived in it before becoming sober about 85 days ago.  I believe that though my body was living in the physical here on earth, mostly locked in my bathroom or in my car which is so strange to think about now because I had a nice home.  My spirit literally was living in the darkness that I relate to be similar to hell.   I had believed the world and all it’s humans had wronged me, wronged the human race and had made a decision that all I needed or wanted in my life was myself and my alcohol and drugs.  I was broken by the events that took place during this last year or so of my life.

As alone as I felt, I only created more of what was killing me by pushing everyone away.  When I say I lived in darkness, I mean I was emerged in the problems.  I took on the world and all of it’s suffering, all of its corruption, all of the sickness and lived in the belief that there was no hope for anyone especially not me.

Near the end of my old life, I had no one.  I spoke to people when I absolutely had to but it very seldom.  I remember sitting in my house, with all lights off in complete darkness, totally alone, frozen with fear and wishing for death.  I wasn’t ever afraid of dying, I was afraid of living.

Looking back, I know there was a part of me that knew that I was always meant for more.  I knew I was meant to be or do something, that there was something more out there that I didn’t have the power to perceive from the point I was at then but the frustration and pain of not being able to “get there” was just destroying my soul.  I couldn’t live in the place I was living, around the people and the problems I had place myself with and not quiet my mind or body with drugs.  It was just too much.

I thank God every day for the pain I lived in then because it brought me to what I have been seeking my whole life.  What I have been searching to live in is the light.  It was not me or my decisions that brought me to the beautiful life I have today.  It was most certainly a power that cannot be seen.

The more I elevate my consciousness, the more I follow the God within in me, the more the world changes around me.  The more I turn my focus within and work on being the change I want to see in people and the world, the more full my soul becomes.  The old situations and people just seem to fall off around me.  My world is becoming limitless and amazingly wonderful.  Things that happen every single day in my life, could be called coincidence, however I see them to be nothing else to me but God carrying and providing for me.  I don’t even need to vocalize what I feel I need in my life.  I just think of it, small things to big things and they just happen.

I get what I need everyday.  I just follow the directions that I know  have worked for others and have been set down for people like me to guide me to have a spiritual awakening.  Amazingly enough, it works.  It really works.

Why Would An Alcoholic/Addict Seek God?

I recently heard someone quote Mark Twain with “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

I’ve found that only through complete and utter emotional destruction and devastation have I felt the desire from within to seek God and what my true destiny on this planet was meant to be. It has to be more than just abstinence from all mind altering substances.  I cannot stay stagnant.  I have to keep reaching upwards and growing spiritually for my spirit to survive on this planet.  I choose to use the word God because it’s a shorter, universal term that everyone can recognize and it’s a more simple term when attempting to explain the power that we are unable to recognize with our limited senses, know inside of us is there however the name is less important than the idea. I use God to describe that thing that resides inside of me, you and inside every living being, the thing that connects me to you and everyone else on the planet.

It is tough to explain God but I experience it everyday.

A nurse explained it like this.  She takes care of people in the intensive care unit.  They can be unconscious for weeks at a time, in bed, fighting for their lives.  She is by their side, knows everything about them, cares for their every need and helps to keep them alive.  One night, when a man she had been caring for woke up out of his coma and he jumped at the sight of her.  He had no idea who she was, which seemed strange to her since she had been the one who had been there the whole time, more than his wife or family, during the time he was fighting to stay alive.  She put her hand on his shoulder and said, “Honey, I have been here watching over you and caring for you the whole time.”

That is what it is like for me when I realized I became conscious to God being there and caring for me my whole life but being completely unawake to it all.   Whether I knew it, believed it or denied it, God was always there.  And I have finally been awakened.

When I take one step forward even when I don’t feel like it, getting out of myself and taking action on the intuitive thought of how I can be of help to another human on this earth, working to keep my own will and selfish desires at bay and continue to grow on a spiritual path, I find peace.  My heart is full and I feel unconditional love.  Ironically, I find more peace in following that small still voice inside me and in doing for others than I have ever felt by manipulating and managing my own life to get what I want, which is usually in the physical world.  Those things never fill me up. I always want something new shortly after I get it or I just find myself wanting things that are not meant for me, therefore creating wreckage and causing myself pain.  A spiritual hole will never be filled successfully with anything other than God.

I tried every way imaginable for over 24 years and nothing has ever worked like seeking God.  Since I have honestly sought to improve my spiritual life I have never felt alone, ever.  There is a new power in what I have found.  I never feel like the answer is to resort to cocaine, opiates or alcohol to make me feel better anymore.  For someone like me, who has survived this long in this life only by the aid of these things and has needed drugs like I need air to breath, it’s truly a miracle that I am clean and sober today.  I couldn’t be without them and do what normal people do.  I could’t exist.

82 days ago, I told my family to just let me go.  I said at my intervention, “Just let me die.  It’s all that’s left for me.  I can’t live anymore like this and I can’t live without it.  It would be easier for everyone else.”

Today, my life is amazing and more importantly, I want this life!  A scared, empty, little girl with no where else to run and no desire to fight through life (especially sober) is now living in the Hollywood Hills, in quite possibly the best Sober Living in this country, with amazing experiences everyday, the best recovery that exits, a family of women whom I love with all my heart and love me and hope for the future.

I had nothing to do with it either.  I did not want it.  Never-the-less,  I was carried to and through rehab, carried to Los Angeles in this house that is filled with God and given something to fuel my soul while I find out why I am meant to still be here today, with trying to die more times than I can count.

If not me, then who?  If all the pieces of the puzzle that so intricately paved my road to take me on this journey to now, the situations that had to happen to push me to let go , had nothing to do with me, then who orchestrated it?

The answer to me is clear.  It is God working in my life.

It took loosing everything, absolutely everything in my life, children, material and relationships, to finally free me to find my purpose on this earth. I had to loose all the old to make room for new. I had to literally start with nothing so I could start on a new path. Everyday I stay where that voice inside me, which is God, tells me to stay, the universe opens up to me and it fills my heart so much more than any drink, drug, food or sexual experience has ever done.

Miracles happen all around me and before becoming conscious… I just had been missing them all.

Inspirational Songs: Beautiful

Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly it’s hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, I’m so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring me down, oh no
So don’t you bring me down today

To all your friends you’re delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Tryin’ hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain’t that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring you down, oh no
So don’t you bring me down today

No matter what we do
(No matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(No matter what we say)
We’re the song inside a tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
(Everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(Sun will always shine)
But tomorrow we might wake on the other side

‘Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won’t bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring us down, oh no
So don’t you bring me down today

Don’t you bring me down today

SUBMIT CORRECTIONS CANCEL

Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly it’s hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain, I’m so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring me down, oh no
So don’t you bring me down today

To all your friends you’re delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Tryin’ hard to fill the emptiness, the piece is gone
Left the puzzle undone, ain’t that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring you down, oh no
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring you down, oh no
So don’t you bring me down today

No matter what we do
(No matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(No matter what we say)
We’re the song inside a tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
(Everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(Sun will always shine)
But tomorrow we might wake on the other side

‘Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won’t bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring us down, oh no
So don’t you bring me down today

Don’t you bring me down today
Don’t you bring me down today

Inspirational Song Lyrics: Katy Perry Part of Me

Music is a very important to my heart and my soul.  A good song can change my mood in a less than a minute.  That’s why I wanted to start posting links and lyrics to my most favorite inspirational songs to share with all of you.  Please feel free to add your own favorite song lyrics and links, we are all always looking for new ones to add to our collection!

Katy Perry: Part of Me

IMG_0036

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Days like this I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade
You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drain me down
That was then and this is now
Now look at me

Chorus:
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and stones
Throw your bombs and blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

I just wanna throw my phone away
Find out who is really there for me
You ripped me off, your love was cheap
Was always tearing at the seams
I fell deep and you let me drown
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me

Chorus:
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and stones
Throw your bombs and blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

Bridge:
Now look at me I’m sparkling
A firework, a dancing flame
You’ll won’t never put me out again
I’m glowing oh whoa
You can keep the diamond ring
It don’t mean nothing anyway
In fact you can keep everything
Yeah yeah, except for me

Chorus:
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no (away from me)
Throw your sticks and stones
Throw your bombs and blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

This is the part of me (no)
(away from me) This is the part of me
Throw your sticks and stones
Throw your bombs and blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

 

Inspirational Lyrics: Firework

133968282996

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To all my girls out there, let your lights shine!

 Katy Perry: Firework

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqI

 

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

 

Drifting through the wind

Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe-awe-awe”

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

I Will Survive

Positive affirmations I find helpful in reminding myself who I am, where I am going and who I want to be:

I am intelligent

I am lovable

I am driven

I make things happen

Dreams come true, when I focus on them everyday

I am beautiful… to someone

I am positive

No one can take my self esteem away from me

I can do anything I set my mind to

I can do anything if I work hard

Other people do it, I can do it.  We are all made of the same stuff

I am meant for greatness

I am likable

Things will work out, they always do

God is protecting me and wants the best for me

Stay true to myself, I can’t go wrong

Follow my passion

Make it happen

Work!

If you want to add to this list, it would be fun to see how long we can get it and find new ways to remind ourselves of what beautiful gifts we are to this world.  Please join the challenge!