It’s In The Actions

What I’m left with, at the end of the day, is the relationship I have with myself and God.

I now know what it means to live this human existence by spiritual principles.

I’ve been around enough now to be able to talk about it, explain it, theorize about it and intellectually know how it works.

But when it comes down to living it, right here and right now, do I actually do these things?

Do I live with integrity and honesty?

Do I lie to myself or am I honest with myself?

Do I constantly judge myself, beating myself up for meeting the unrealistic expectations I hold myself to?

Can I forgive myself for being human today?

When someone I’m faced with affects me in a way that I don’t like, do I treat them with tolerance and patience?

Do I relax into the fact that no one can hurt me or take anything from me without my allowing it, therefore allowing people to just be who they are with the security of knowing that I’m okay no matter what?

When things don’t go my way, do I get angry and frustrated, trying to manipulate and control people?

Do I accept those in my life for who they are and can I look for the good in everyone?

Is my love conditional?

Have I said what I need to say today, would my soul be at peace if I had no tomorrow?

Do I live in fear of not getting what I want and is what I think I need to be okay lie in the material world?

Or do I live in a world where things of importance or the things you can’t see, like inner peace, joy, love without conditions and freedom?

Do I focus on what I can give rather than what I can take?

These are some of the questions I ask myself daily to remind myself that I cannot intellectualize my way into freedom.

Freedom lies in the actions I take in the present moment.

Freedom lies in right now.

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Bless Every “Hard” Experience

In times of suffering and struggle, when we perceive things as bad, wrong, or not how they should be, there are always hidden gifts to be found.

For example, when some of my past relationships had ended, I had a hard time letting go.

With each one, I held onto the pain and confusion having no idea what was behind the inability to let go.

Intellectually I knew that these relationships weren’t working.

Intellectually, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted.

What my mind was telling me was that I missed them terribly because I loved them and getting over it was just a waiting game.

It wasn’t until the last relationship ended that through finally honestly asking God for knowledge and power in this area of my life, had I been granted the gift of awareness that what I really was needing was to work on facing these painful things that were holding me back from a new level of freedom.

I wasn’t awake to the fact that while I loved these people, what I was really missing were those opportunities to loose myself in something else, using them to distract myself from, and avoid the things that at the time were too painful to deal with from within myself.

And that was when I became free of it.

It wasn’t the specific person at all.

My soul was finally ready for this deeper understanding.

My soul was ready to face these things I needed to be free from.

I never would’ve seen this while I was in it.

I thank God for the opportunity through pain and suffering for the chance to know him and myself better.

Plan of the Universe

Sometimes God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

I believe when things, people or situations are removed from us, this happens to make room for the new. If I look back I can see that this always happens in my best interest.

When I cannot let get go of something, if it’s time for it to be over, it is literally removed from me.

As long as I get into acceptance and surrender, there may be pain but suffering is optional.

The universe lays out the path for me and by staying present I can hear the answers and see what is presented for me to do.

None of this matters though if it’s only in theory. Unless I have trust in a higher power, what I call it is irrelevant, then how can I let go of trying to manage and control everything around me?

How can I allow the universe to come to me and find peace in the chaos of the world surrounding me?

I am blessed with the life I have been given today.

Thank you God for everything, the lessons, the pain, the joy, the gifts and the miracles.

Everything is exactly as it should be.

Starting Over

When I was the beach yesterday having a beautiful time, out of the blue a wave comes up and washes over everything we had setting on the sand, including my cell phone.

My phone is completely destroyed and I lost everything.
Every phone number, photo, everything I piece I had written on it.

No iCloud back up.

Nothing synced.

Everything in it is gone.

I saw it happen in slow motion and it has been replaying over and over in my mind ever since.

There were photos of my kids and I during my visits, friends that have come and gone, and times I want to remember.

Those photos are gone.

I definitely relied on my phone a lot.

I wish I could’ve acted quicker or done something different.

The fact is that I can’t go back and change what has happened no matter how much I would like to.

Like in all other life situations, I must push forward.

As I now work to rebuild my contact list and set up an entirely new phone, I can’t help but wonder what it is I can learn from this experience.

Everything is truly and always in perfect order.

What is the universe trying to tell me?

The Story Of My Life

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I have a story.

My story is of some value as long as I don’t get lost in it, as long as I don’t identify my true being with it.

It can help me relate with and connect with others. I can help people with the experience, strength and hope of surviving it.

My story can help me learn about what I want and don’t want to be today.

The mind, body and spirit are interconnected.  I am a being in human form, so I must allow myself to be human.

Whether I like it or not, I have a mind that has been conditioned by my past and that is what I want to break free of.

I no longer want to buy into the ideas I received from the world and people in it.

I don’t want to live like I am what happened to me.

These ideas about myself and others keep me in bondage.

I want to live in truth.

If I don’t take a look at where these ideas have and still play a part in how I experience this human journey, I can’t be free of them.

The work is in becoming conscious of and making sense of my past so that I may help others do the same.

I want to be free of it.

The good news is through every painful time, there is a beginning, middle and end.

Sometimes it’s just about holding on.