It’s In The Actions

What I’m left with, at the end of the day, is the relationship I have with myself and God.

I now know what it means to live this human existence by spiritual principles.

I’ve been around enough now to be able to talk about it, explain it, theorize about it and intellectually know how it works.

But when it comes down to living it, right here and right now, do I actually do these things?

Do I live with integrity and honesty?

Do I lie to myself or am I honest with myself?

Do I constantly judge myself, beating myself up for meeting the unrealistic expectations I hold myself to?

Can I forgive myself for being human today?

When someone I’m faced with affects me in a way that I don’t like, do I treat them with tolerance and patience?

Do I relax into the fact that no one can hurt me or take anything from me without my allowing it, therefore allowing people to just be who they are with the security of knowing that I’m okay no matter what?

When things don’t go my way, do I get angry and frustrated, trying to manipulate and control people?

Do I accept those in my life for who they are and can I look for the good in everyone?

Is my love conditional?

Have I said what I need to say today, would my soul be at peace if I had no tomorrow?

Do I live in fear of not getting what I want and is what I think I need to be okay lie in the material world?

Or do I live in a world where things of importance or the things you can’t see, like inner peace, joy, love without conditions and freedom?

Do I focus on what I can give rather than what I can take?

These are some of the questions I ask myself daily to remind myself that I cannot intellectualize my way into freedom.

Freedom lies in the actions I take in the present moment.

Freedom lies in right now.

Power of trust

How quickly I can forget how bad the road was that led me to my bottom. I can forget all kinds of things pretty quickly. If only my last bottom was enough to motivate me to continuously grow spiritually and protect myself from sliding back to a road that eventually leads to relapse.

The problem with relapse, and I’ve experienced it too many times, is that I can’t see it coming until it’s usually too late. Nothing anyone says gets through to me because I am by then, blocked from God and the ways in which God speaks to me through others.

If I go back further, I have lost my willingness to take action that can lift me out of my suffering.

Back even further than that, I have lost my connection, faith and trust in God.

Or maybe I never had it to begin with.

The most important factor for me this time is that I have a concept of God that I can trust with every aspect of my life. I must always put serving God first, or I have nothing.

I spent a lot of time coming to terms with what I figured a concept I could trust would be, just to begin with. And since then, with just a beginning, that concept is constantly changing and evolving.

I can’t give up trying to manage and control the world unless I believe there is something far more capable than me already doing so, with my and everyone else’s best interests at heart.

I can’t let go of one thing without the faith of something far better, if I have no faith that things are removed from me for a good reason.

If I stay on this road of faith, even through what appears to be the worst of times, there is always something better. All I have to do is look back on my life to see why things had to happen the way they did, to bring me to the beauty of today.

If I really take a good look around me, with the vision of gratitude, life is pretty terrific today, just as it is.