What I Want

I want you wrapped around my finger, so I can hold my hand close to my heart and know you’ll be there.

I want you’re steps to follow mine on this path, and you can let me lead so if I get scared you will right behind be and maybe hold me close and tell me it will be okay.

I want you to call, if just to tell me you’ve not forgotten me, and that in your thoughts I stay, like the lingering scent of my perfume long after I am gone.

I want you to remind me, just every now and then, of all the reasons why you chose me, and continue to choose me, just in case I forget.

You asked me what I want.

I want you to let me in, all the way in, past your walls, your insecurities, your self protection, so that I can find a place to stay.

I only want all of you, all your spirit had to offer, all your fears and doubts, all your hopes and dreams, all the space in your heart that is open for me.

And maybe I’ll have more to add to this list tomorrow, but for now, all of this will do.

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Safe And Protected

The universe always has answers all around me, all the time, to all my questions if I just open my eyes to them.

It’s like these flashing signs screaming for my attention.

When my ego is loud and I’m caught up in expectations, resistance, and personal desires, I can’t see what’s right in front of me.

The more I try to “figure things out” with thinking, the less chance I have to be connected to the answers within.

The answers will not come from my thinking.

Times of quiet meditation, just slowing down altogether and being present, is necessary for knowing which direction to go and what path to take.

In times of indecision, although it’s taken practice and I’m never perfect, I have made progress on not reacting but just waiting until I’m sure of what action to take.

When answers become clear that’s when I need courage.

Courage enables me to step out from fear and into faith and trust, that God has my back no matter what, and I then I can follow what I know to be true.

I feel the power flow through me from a strengthened connection with God when I do this and feel the presence of God all around me.

I feel safe.

Honoring This Gift

In this period of completing a year sober, I look back on all the people who had at one point been on this journey with me but did not make it.

They have just fallen away from my life, usually back into drugs and alcohol.

I often wonder why me?

I constantly ask God what is it that I’m meant to do on this planet.

I must have a purpose.

Sometimes I feel solid in knowing what that is.

Sometimes I feel lost and I don’t know what God wants from me.

That’s when I’m pushed into seeking more.

At all times when I’m brought to my knees by confusion, lack of answers, loss of direction, sadness and pain, as long as I stay close to my creator, there is the other side awaiting me.

On the other side is more self knowledge, more consciousness and always there is more love.

Whatever the reasons I am still here are, above all else, I honor this gift of life and sobriety today.

Why Do Some Get And Stay Sober?

No two human experiences are ever the same. There can similarities but really everyone has their own journey maybe only understood by the one having it.

As far as drug addicts and alcoholics, the mystery is how some people get sober young, some old or some never.

Some people get sober and stay sober for their entire life and some get sober and relapse, get sober and relapse.

I can’t even fully answer the question of my own journey. I often wonder what it was about me that just couldn’t get it and keep it.

Even though it has been my path I don’t regret any of it.

I try not to spend too much time “figuring it out”.

Trying to “figure it out” never helped me before.

Staying present is my biggest tool for peace in my life.

What matters to me most now is what I’ve done this far to have a new and different experience with the 12 steps and with life.

I see more now than ever before.

I am more conscious than ever before.

I have more courage, faith, belief, trust, awareness, calm, peace, joy, freedom and hope than ever before.

That is what is important to me today.

Plan of the Universe

Sometimes God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

I believe when things, people or situations are removed from us, this happens to make room for the new. If I look back I can see that this always happens in my best interest.

When I cannot let get go of something, if it’s time for it to be over, it is literally removed from me.

As long as I get into acceptance and surrender, there may be pain but suffering is optional.

The universe lays out the path for me and by staying present I can hear the answers and see what is presented for me to do.

None of this matters though if it’s only in theory. Unless I have trust in a higher power, what I call it is irrelevant, then how can I let go of trying to manage and control everything around me?

How can I allow the universe to come to me and find peace in the chaos of the world surrounding me?

I am blessed with the life I have been given today.

Thank you God for everything, the lessons, the pain, the joy, the gifts and the miracles.

Everything is exactly as it should be.

Trusted Compass

I release you to the universe
It’s arms open wide
Where peace I wish you to find
With the eternal comfort of home

As I leave you to fly on your own
Because it’s time for my own path
My final gift to you is the truth you seek
Listen closely with an open heart

Answers you seek and wish me to tell
Can’t replace the experience
your soul demands
For you to discover who you are and will be
On this brief journey called life

You are the creator of your reality
Just as your creator intended it to be
Free will is the gift you were given
Choice is the variable that leaves your path yet to be seen

This above all else is the truth you should know
Your primary purpose is to serve your creator
As we are you and you are us
Let that be your guide in all you do

Work to achieve for money, acceptance and admiration
Seeking for the objective of self
And all you build will crumble again and again
Like quicksand beneath your feet

Serve God above all else
Go within for it’s there you will find what your made of
Everything you could ever need and want
You will be blessed in miracles

Your light will explode
Igniting change for the better
Raising the hopes of the world
Leading many as you travel

Do everything with love
It will be your trusted compass
Do not fear but find courage to stand on your own
Warriors of truth often stand alone

Answers

All the answers I need are within me.

How do I find my place in the world? How do I find and understand my purpose?

First I must become aware of which voice is the voice of my being. I must learn to not identify with and allow my thinking to get in the way of hearing the voice of my being.

I must listen and have the courage to follow the part of me that can do no other.

And it does take courage.

Do I have what it takes to not do what everyone would tell me to do and take the road less traveled?

Instead of resisting what I know, to find my purpose and learn what I must learn to fulfill my destiny, I must to stop judging and resisting.

My purpose may not at this time be on such a grand scale. Sometimes it starts small.

I will never understand the tiny part I play in this master plan. But what I do can cause a ripple than can have the affect of a tidal wave.

By building within myself, the effect on those around me paying attention can be magnificent.

Maybe I’m teaching a future leader of many to love without conditions.

Maybe I’m teaching someone about small acts of courage.

Maybe I could be showing someone how to find God.

A smile, being there for someone, reaching out with love, a kind gesture, loving actions, raise the vibration of everyone in the energetic vacinity.

I can never know how acting out of love without fear will serve humanity and that’s okay.

All I must do is stay present to see with my soul where I should be and what to do now.

The answers will come, but not in tomorrow, next week or anywhere in the future where I will never be.

They are all here right now, if I only look for them.

Hard To Be Human

It’s hard to be human most of the time. When awakened and all of the awareness and intuition floods in, the thinking mind works even harder to block it, figure it out and keep us from the truth.

A pattern I have been trying to break for a long time is denying the truth I know because my mind doesn’t want it to be true.

Why?

Because my mind is a place full of fear about what is. It then projects a future that either unrealistic fantasy or tragedy. In judgement about what is, my mind labels the present as “good” or “bad”. Obviously when it goes the way I want the judgement computes as “good”.

When it doesn’t, it appears to be “bad”.

It tells me that this is not supposed to happen or I would be better off, happier, if it would just would happen the way I think it should.

Never does it tell me that what’s happening is happening because it’s meant to, that not only are things unfolding in a divine way that is beyond what I will understand but that I need understand nothing.

Again, this incessant need to understand is from my thinking mind. And there are no answers there.

My soul just wants to experience.

So thinking is my only problem, all thinking. Without judgement there are really no “problems”.

The struggle is when to do and when to not do.

What can I change by doing and what matters little in this unfolding of the universe?

Again I am brought back to the only answers I know at this point, unconditional love, courage, living truth, being present and being the light.

Today I Will

I will give to the greater good today

I will turn away from selfish desires and be there for someone else

I won’t identify with every passing thought because it is not who and what I am

I will listen to my heart not my mind

I will trust that I have all the answers I need within me

I will give all of myself withholding nothing

I won’t try to manage, manipulate and control my environment or the people around me

I will be compassionate, tolerant and loving to those around me

I will look pass the characters people play and look for and speak to their souls

I will be gentle on myself

I will create something amazing today

I will shine light into darkness

I will give someone else hope

I won’t live in the past nor let the past decide my future

I will break old patterns of behaviour and do something different

I will learn something new

I will stay in the beauty of the present

I will slow down

I won’t rush to the next moment

I will allow others to help me today

I will allow love in

The Space Between You And I

God exists not only in each one of us but in the space between you and I.

I cannot claim to want to experience intimacy if I cannot give up trying to protect myself.

The two cannot coexist.

I can only be in true connection with myself, God and others, when I truly allow myself to be vulnerable.

I can only be free when I stop trying to control the universe which will not be controlled.

My soul WILL evolve whether my ego likes it or not.

I will choose to be free.