Wide Open

My heart is wide open, flowing, like silk curtains blowing in the breeze through a patio door in the summer time.

I feel so much that it fills me up and shines through every cell of my body.

This life is full of wondrous beauty in moments of perfection when I know I am alive and I know exactly what being alive means.

The song of birds chirping in the trees, wind on my face, caressing my arms, as the sun kisses every thing it touches, this is when with feet planted firmly on the ground, I am one with consciousness.

This is connection.

Advertisements

Don’t Forget, It’s Simple

As I have grown and awakened to truth throughout this life’s journey, as much I have learned, what I know about myself today is that I can easily forget everything.

I can shut myself off from God in a second, stop doing what I have been doing that works and then instead of being driven by spirit, I am driven by ego.

I become closed, ego prevents me from hearing truth and the downward spiral occurs.

Instead of standing in the light with my fellows, I end up standing in darkness alone.

The good news is as soon as I become wiling and open to listen, I again remember why I’m here, what my purpose is and what is really important, like being awakened from a bad dream.

There is no past, no future, just now.

I am not this body nor this character in my story.

I’m not here to for the career, the money, the things, the partner, the friends, the kids, the family or any acknowledgement I may seek to gain from these things.

The main thing that remains constant, the truth I always come back to from all this, is that my only job here on the planet is to love and embody love.

It seems too simple to be true.

It is entirely that simple.

But that’s it.

It’s all about love.

Safe And Protected

The universe always has answers all around me, all the time, to all my questions if I just open my eyes to them.

It’s like these flashing signs screaming for my attention.

When my ego is loud and I’m caught up in expectations, resistance, and personal desires, I can’t see what’s right in front of me.

The more I try to “figure things out” with thinking, the less chance I have to be connected to the answers within.

The answers will not come from my thinking.

Times of quiet meditation, just slowing down altogether and being present, is necessary for knowing which direction to go and what path to take.

In times of indecision, although it’s taken practice and I’m never perfect, I have made progress on not reacting but just waiting until I’m sure of what action to take.

When answers become clear that’s when I need courage.

Courage enables me to step out from fear and into faith and trust, that God has my back no matter what, and I then I can follow what I know to be true.

I feel the power flow through me from a strengthened connection with God when I do this and feel the presence of God all around me.

I feel safe.

Reborn

Never would I have been able to predict how my life was going to turn out so far if I would’ve been asked a year ago.

A year ago I was in the darkest time of my life. I didn’t know it could get that dark.

Yet it did.

I was full of terror, hopeless and had a feeling of impending doom, as I predicted the end of my life had finally come and I could see it happening in slow motion before my eyes.

I had lost my sanity, stuck circling the drain of madness.

My 2 sons were scared of me and for me, with the rest of my family baffled as to what to do with me.

I had lost everything.

The memories and flashbacks that come of the last year are a gift, for it reminds me of where I came from and pushes me forward to seek something better.

I hope I never forget.

Today my life looks so different on the inside and outside. I have a full life with people who inspire and encourage me, an amazing career in helping others that have come from where I did and most importantly I am able to love and be loved.

I know am on the path I need to be on because everything just falls into place.

I have a purpose on this planet and my most important job is to seek and fulfill what that is.

Gratitude fills my heart for being lifted out of my old life.

I have been reborn.

Leaf in the wind

I used to feel like a leaf that had come off the branch of a tree, blowing in the wind.

The wind was the world going on around me and my actions, attitudes and happiness were always dependent on the weather and the direction of the breeze.

Now I’m the roots of the tree planted firmly in the ground, the trunk, the branches and the leaves.

I’m the whole tree, glistening in the sun, standing strong through rain, wind and storm.

I am connected to everything.

What’s in a word?

I used to take words so literally, assigning very specific meanings, ideas and concepts to words I heard in someone’s speech or read in someone’s writing.

All these beliefs came from my conditioned mind and I never thought to question the judgements that came along with words, so much of my past influencing them.

It wasn’t until I had been awakened that I started getting caught up in my own use of words.

I still find myself seeking for just the right ones, but with so much history attached to certain kinds of language, I’m at a loss of which ones to use.

But there are no “right” words.

Because they are just words.

With this struggle to find words to describe the truth that I understand today, because of my old rigid standards and definitions attached to them, it became less about words and more about truth behind them.

When I listen to people now, or read or listen to spiritual teachings that use different types of language, I listen for what’s behind the words.

I pay attention to the energetic vibration or feeling intended.

I now just use words interchangeably.

It’s not so much about the language used.

For example, sometimes I say God, the universe, soul, spirit, being or knowing.

It try not to get stuck on one way of describing ideas.

I’m open minded and flexible.

It matters less to me now than ever, because truth is truth no matter how it’s expressed.

Born Into A New Life

If someone would’ve told me eight months ago that I would be living in another city, sober from any mind altering substances, awakened, with a new amazing job caring for a house full of girls that are like family, the same house that saved my life and be looking at a future full of hope, I would’ve called them crazy.

I expected to be six feet under the earth. I wanted to die. I prayed for death to come take me.

But death would not come for me as much as I invited it.

Instead I was lifted out of hell by a God that had different plans for me. Although I did not choose it, I was awakened.  I didn’t know how I knew but it was clear to me early on in my sobriety that I had a job to do on this planet.

And I was willing.

Willingness turned into determination. The more I seek answers, to understand the truth, the more it becomes clear where my place is in this world and what I must do.

Serve God first, help others awaken and then everything else.

It’s no longer about me and what I want.

I now get that every second of my existence on earth so far had to happen, in the exact way it happened, to prepare me for this next part of my journey. All of the darkness has been necessary because without it I wouldn’t have sought out the light.

There is always more work to be done, if my soul is to evolve. The work that needs to be done can only be done within. It’s a gift to be able to be present for this experience, so I can see the things that still block me from God, myself and others.

I can be present for the lessons.

By putting first thing first, my life has opened up and amazing things are happening.

I can’t wait to see what comes next. But one thing I know for sure is that whatever it is, I will be right here and right now to experience it.

And for that I am thankful.