Baby Blue Balloon

Hold my string around your finger
for I am the baby blue balloon at the other end
Floating, striving to reach greater heights
up over trees and buildings,
heading for the clouds

One little cotton string
connects me to it all
so don’t let go too soon

Lightly I glide,
The earth’s pull no match for me
Looking down from an areal view
as if I sat on the moon,
watching giant dancing patterns
of tiny humans weave over and around each other
in harmonious disarray

The patterns from my view
are in sync with the symphony of life
as the songs change
but the music keeps playing

Is this the big picture?
Or is there even more to see?

Don’t ask me to come down,
for it will never look the same
When I return home to the ground
will I forget what I learned?
Will I forget what it all meant?
when I was high in sky
weightless and careless
as a baby blue balloon

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Something Different

I made a decision, after about as much suffering as I could stand, to do things differently to have a new experience on this planet.

The benefit to becoming more and more conscious as a result of continually looking at myself and doing the inside work, is that I can recognize when I’m repeating old behavior, and then I can change.

As a result of changing, I get a new experience and I get closer and closer to feeling one with God and others.

If I want the same results then I can keep doing the same thing.

But if I want something different, I must change the way I view the world and change my actions.

It’s not easy but the rewards are tremendous.

Find some courage and do something different today.

Wide Open

My heart is wide open, flowing, like silk curtains blowing in the breeze through a patio door in the summer time.

I feel so much that it fills me up and shines through every cell of my body.

This life is full of wondrous beauty in moments of perfection when I know I am alive and I know exactly what being alive means.

The song of birds chirping in the trees, wind on my face, caressing my arms, as the sun kisses every thing it touches, this is when with feet planted firmly on the ground, I am one with consciousness.

This is connection.

Honoring This Gift

In this period of completing a year sober, I look back on all the people who had at one point been on this journey with me but did not make it.

They have just fallen away from my life, usually back into drugs and alcohol.

I often wonder why me?

I constantly ask God what is it that I’m meant to do on this planet.

I must have a purpose.

Sometimes I feel solid in knowing what that is.

Sometimes I feel lost and I don’t know what God wants from me.

That’s when I’m pushed into seeking more.

At all times when I’m brought to my knees by confusion, lack of answers, loss of direction, sadness and pain, as long as I stay close to my creator, there is the other side awaiting me.

On the other side is more self knowledge, more consciousness and always there is more love.

Whatever the reasons I am still here are, above all else, I honor this gift of life and sobriety today.

Through The Rain

Today it’s raining.

As I sit out in the back yard and watch the rain drops fall, soaking the roof of the house, trees, grass and flowers, it causes me to think about how necessary the rain is for the life flow of the planet.

So it is with the human experience that times of darkness, rain, storm and suffering is necessary for our own ebb and flow of life.

In times where I could not see truth, when I didn’t understand, when I questioned everything in defiance and resistance, through the dark clouds there inevitably came the light of the sun.

With the light came surrender and then an awakening.

I always came out the other side and with more knowledge and consciousness.

No matter what happens, life does go on.

Everything passes.

Although I prefer the upswing that happens after dark times, one can’t exist without the other.

So today I thank the universe for the lessons, for everything, so I can get closer to my creator and know myself better.

What’s in a word?

I used to take words so literally, assigning very specific meanings, ideas and concepts to words I heard in someone’s speech or read in someone’s writing.

All these beliefs came from my conditioned mind and I never thought to question the judgements that came along with words, so much of my past influencing them.

It wasn’t until I had been awakened that I started getting caught up in my own use of words.

I still find myself seeking for just the right ones, but with so much history attached to certain kinds of language, I’m at a loss of which ones to use.

But there are no “right” words.

Because they are just words.

With this struggle to find words to describe the truth that I understand today, because of my old rigid standards and definitions attached to them, it became less about words and more about truth behind them.

When I listen to people now, or read or listen to spiritual teachings that use different types of language, I listen for what’s behind the words.

I pay attention to the energetic vibration or feeling intended.

I now just use words interchangeably.

It’s not so much about the language used.

For example, sometimes I say God, the universe, soul, spirit, being or knowing.

It try not to get stuck on one way of describing ideas.

I’m open minded and flexible.

It matters less to me now than ever, because truth is truth no matter how it’s expressed.

Path to Awakening

When you wrap your arms around me, hold me close and whisper in my ear, “I feel safe”, I understand.

You said you see light in my eyes and you just want to spend time with me.

You say you see the world in my eyes.

I know what you really see, even if you don’t.

I know why you feel this way, even when you don’t.

If I could just give you all the answers you seek, I would.

If I could hand you all of what I see and know to be true, I would serve it to you on a silver platter.

If I told you that all that I have within me, you have as well but you just don’t know it, would you believe me?

I can be all of this, be the light of being, and hope that you follow.

But your path to awakening is between you and God alone.

I will hold your hand though.

I will try and make things easier.

I will love you the entire way.

God Either Is Or Isn’t

“God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t.”
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

I could read something 1000 times but until I was ready to really hear it, I just couldn’t fully grasp what it meant. Years of seeking to find answers, to find truth, to find the path to be what my soul always knew I was, has led to me the understanding I hold today for what this truly means.

My soul yearned to know it’s potential but I was driven by ego.

I used to wonder why there was a need for darkness, for sadness, for pain and deny that there was a purpose for it’s existence. Now I understand that we cannot know and experience the beauty and power of the light we are without the existence of everything we’re not.

We have to experience the opposite of what we are to know who we want to be.

God is the darkness and the light, the tragedy and the joy, the hope and the suffering. God is just as much you and I, as he is each grain of sand on the beach.

God is in every moment, song, sign on the street, word or whisper spoken.

God is in the tears spilling from our eyes, the laughter, the pain, the joy and even the heartache.

To deny any of this would be to deny the existence of God.

To shelter ourselves from people, relationships, connection, trust and love, of our own will, is to shelter ourselves from God.

Today I understand that I must live, really live, to ever become what my soul yearns to become.

That is what God wants for me.

That is what God wants for you too.

Mirrors Of Truth

The struggle ego drives against allowing truth to be heard can at times be much stronger than others, especially when off center.

Ego doesn’t have to win though.

Ego wants us alone, isolated. It wants us to view ourselves as separate, different. It wants to keep us afraid, especially of closeness to others.

There are people that come into our lives that encourage us to be and do better. They encourage us to continue to grow, even when our mind has us in its grip and fights it. They carry the light for us when we feel like we can’t.

As uncomfortable as it can be because ego always wants to be in charge, when someone speaks truth, our soul hears it.

We recognize truth not from the specific person speaking it but because it is already within us. They just are a mirror of the truth we already know.

But we need those mirrors so we can be reminded when we forget. Those people placed around us who work to raise consciousness are gifts of the universe to hold close.

Ego wants us anywhere but the present because everything we need is there. In the present moment there is nothing to fear. The people we love are in the present. God is in the present.  Yet ego refuses to look in right here and now for completeness because it can’t survive there.

There is nothing in future moments that will make us whole, yet we rush to them chasing that lie.  If we just get this thing, that amount of money, approval from “them”, job security, the right partner, ego says then we will feel complete.  

We get these things and sure enough, wholeness is not found.  

Ego just wants something more.

But we are only ever in the here and now.

Completeness and wholeness is right here, in this moment.

And that is the truth.