I Wonder

I wonder if a baby bird feels fear the very first time it jumps from the branch in flight, testing its wings? Or does it know that this is what its wings are for, and never doubts the power of the wind to take it where it intends to go?

I wonder if dolphins worry that when it goes deep under the oceans surface, whether there will be air to breath once they come back to the top of the water? Or does it trust that no matter how dark the waters get, there is light and life waiting up above?

Do ants wonder why they must work together to survive? Or do they innately know that the job they have on the ground is essential and equally important as all the others?

Does a horse take death personally and wonder why it gets sick way before most humans, and that it must eventually leave this world?

Do roses that were once in full bloom, bright and vibrant, get resentful at the other infant roses in the same bush ready to open to the light, as it browns and shrivels up? Or does it know it must die for others that are part of the same whole to live?

I wonder why I worry about a life so easily set in front of me, seemly dark at times, when God lights my path every step of the way..

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Watching Water

There is a lot to be learned by being present and observing one’s environment.

The smallest, most mundane thing can have the most amazing meaning and connection to all things.

As I sat by the pool in the hot sun, with the water completely still, I dipped just one toe in the water.

I watched as the ripples spread out in circles across the pool. When finally, it reached one of the chlorine dispensers floating in the pool, circular ripples bounced off and outward, eventually crossing over the ripples from my toe. When the ripples finally reached the edge of the pool, it bounced back, creating a giant pattern of ripples.

I took a step back and looked at the pool, once still, that now was dancing with a multitude of waves and ripples, vibrating all throughout.

It dawned on me that this is what we do, everyday with our words and actions. A small thing like a smile, vibrates outward to everything it touches. And then that object or person reacts back outward into the universe, touching more and more people, reaching farther and farther distances.

Can a tiny act of kindness reach across the entire globe and cause great things to happen?

Can magnificent, beautiful and perfect change happen from one simple loving thing?

I believe so.

All you have to do is just watch water.

Sun Beams

As the clouds part, sun rays peak out from behind and beam down from the sky up above

Beams of light reflecting off the tiny particles of moisture in the air

When this happens, it reminds me that so much of what is real cannot be seen with the eyes

Whenever I notice this occurrence, I think of God

That God is always there in the air surrounding me, even touching my skin like the tiny water particles

Only I can’t see it

But if I’m quiet enough, still enough and aware enough

I can feel it

Sometimes it’s more pronounced, like a droplet of rain bouncing off my nose or catching me on my eyelashes

Sometimes it’s as subtle as misty morning air brushing by my cheeks

But when the clouds move in and the sun rays vanish into grey skies

Always

And especially when I forget it

God is there with me

Spiritual Price Tag

There is a spiritual price to pay for every nonspiritual act.

With this is mind I have yet again been reminded that by holding on to anger, resentment and judgement, I am only harming myself.

When I have these feelings, my actions follow and I don’t get the results I am looking for.

Instead, when not acting from a loving place, I get further from all the things I am looking for.

Letting go of the judgement I still hold against myself, is my focus today.

I still act on the belief I acquired when I was young, that if I were to just do the right things I can solve the problems that lie within the other people in my life.

It’s that old belief that if I just got it right other people would act the way I want them to.

The truth is that people’s actions and attitudes come from within their own beliefs about themselves and their own issues, it has nothing to do with the person I am.

So today I am okay just being who I am and I will allows others to be who they are knowing that the two are completely separate.

I will work on my own spiritual growth and hold forgiveness in my heart.

Why Do Some Get And Stay Sober?

No two human experiences are ever the same. There can similarities but really everyone has their own journey maybe only understood by the one having it.

As far as drug addicts and alcoholics, the mystery is how some people get sober young, some old or some never.

Some people get sober and stay sober for their entire life and some get sober and relapse, get sober and relapse.

I can’t even fully answer the question of my own journey. I often wonder what it was about me that just couldn’t get it and keep it.

Even though it has been my path I don’t regret any of it.

I try not to spend too much time “figuring it out”.

Trying to “figure it out” never helped me before.

Staying present is my biggest tool for peace in my life.

What matters to me most now is what I’ve done this far to have a new and different experience with the 12 steps and with life.

I see more now than ever before.

I am more conscious than ever before.

I have more courage, faith, belief, trust, awareness, calm, peace, joy, freedom and hope than ever before.

That is what is important to me today.

Bless Every “Hard” Experience

In times of suffering and struggle, when we perceive things as bad, wrong, or not how they should be, there are always hidden gifts to be found.

For example, when some of my past relationships had ended, I had a hard time letting go.

With each one, I held onto the pain and confusion having no idea what was behind the inability to let go.

Intellectually I knew that these relationships weren’t working.

Intellectually, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted.

What my mind was telling me was that I missed them terribly because I loved them and getting over it was just a waiting game.

It wasn’t until the last relationship ended that through finally honestly asking God for knowledge and power in this area of my life, had I been granted the gift of awareness that what I really was needing was to work on facing these painful things that were holding me back from a new level of freedom.

I wasn’t awake to the fact that while I loved these people, what I was really missing were those opportunities to loose myself in something else, using them to distract myself from, and avoid the things that at the time were too painful to deal with from within myself.

And that was when I became free of it.

It wasn’t the specific person at all.

My soul was finally ready for this deeper understanding.

My soul was ready to face these things I needed to be free from.

I never would’ve seen this while I was in it.

I thank God for the opportunity through pain and suffering for the chance to know him and myself better.

Reality?

“Scientists now know the brain receives 400 billion bits of information each second. To give you some idea of just how much information that is, consider this: It would take nearly 600,000 average-size books just to print 400 billion zeros. Needless to say, that’s a heck of a lot of reality. So what do we do? We start screening. We start narrowing down. I’ll take that bit of information over there, and let’s see—this one fits nicely with my ongoing soap opera about the opposite sex. When all is said and done, we’re down to 2,000 measly bits of information. Go ahead and take a bow, because even that’s pretty impressive. We’re talking 2,000 bits of information each and every second. But here’s the problem. What we choose to take in is only one-half of one-millionth of a percent of what’s out there.”

Pam Grout
E Squared

Creation and Focus

It wasn’t until I became conscious of the truth that I began changing my reality.

When I understood that I am energy, like everything that exists, and every thought, belief, word and action sends out signals into the energy field of the universe, I began to finally focus that energy to create something beautiful.

I began to create the existence that I always wanted.

I never knew I could really do it.

I was already creating my existence but I wasn’t aware of it.

Just like my creator, I have been given the same ability to create anything I wish.

That’s what we are here to do, to experience the magnificence of what we are, not to just know it.

I can know things but I exist to experience.

It all begins with thought.

So to create the reality I wish to live in, I am constantly mindful of my thoughts.

I work to resist nothing and instead to focus my heart and mind on what I want to experience, not what I don’t want.

What I focus my attention on grows and that includes what I don’t want.

I see this working in my life and in the lives of others.

There are no limits to the things we can do.

It all starts with a loving heart and constant thought of others.

The universe responds because it wants this for me and for you.

Today I will create something amazing.

What Surrender, Again?

There are no coincidences in this experience called human life. Every second orchestrated in beautiful harmony whether we can see it in this present moment or not.

I’ve been very physically sick, sicker than I’ve been in a long, long time. For the last few days it’s been constant suffering. There still seems no end in sight. It came on like a storm out of the blue.

It has forced me to slow down and just be. Though at this very time my ego has been feeling it quite inconvenient. I cannot go run and do a million things to avoid myself.

I can’t do much of anything except talk (and that is difficult), read and do some writing.

Why is this perfect timing?

I’ve lost someone I love.

Today I should’ve started the gift of my new position at work.

I’ve had to allow people to help me. Those I typically help, I’ve had to lean on to help me, which is still a work in progress for me.

I’ve had to say no to people.

Although I’m finding life today is not how I would’ve liked to see it, and add to it being physically hurting and ill, this is actually the perfect time.

I have been “encouraged” by the universe to delve deeper within.

And so I have.

This feeling of complete and utter surrender, being out of answers, no resistance, giving up everything I think I know, exhausted and at the mercy of all that is in this moment, is a familiar feeling I’ve felt before.

Uncomfortable as it is, I feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, again. Weight I never knew I had been carrying, yet again.

I can look back at all the growth and beauty that grew from this experience in the past and believe that it’s about to happen again.

Because I have awareness today.

Because I trust.

Because I am open.

Because I am willing.