Born Into A New Life

If someone would’ve told me eight months ago that I would be living in another city, sober from any mind altering substances, awakened, with a new amazing job caring for a house full of girls that are like family, the same house that saved my life and be looking at a future full of hope, I would’ve called them crazy.

I expected to be six feet under the earth. I wanted to die. I prayed for death to come take me.

But death would not come for me as much as I invited it.

Instead I was lifted out of hell by a God that had different plans for me. Although I did not choose it, I was awakened.  I didn’t know how I knew but it was clear to me early on in my sobriety that I had a job to do on this planet.

And I was willing.

Willingness turned into determination. The more I seek answers, to understand the truth, the more it becomes clear where my place is in this world and what I must do.

Serve God first, help others awaken and then everything else.

It’s no longer about me and what I want.

I now get that every second of my existence on earth so far had to happen, in the exact way it happened, to prepare me for this next part of my journey. All of the darkness has been necessary because without it I wouldn’t have sought out the light.

There is always more work to be done, if my soul is to evolve. The work that needs to be done can only be done within. It’s a gift to be able to be present for this experience, so I can see the things that still block me from God, myself and others.

I can be present for the lessons.

By putting first thing first, my life has opened up and amazing things are happening.

I can’t wait to see what comes next. But one thing I know for sure is that whatever it is, I will be right here and right now to experience it.

And for that I am thankful.

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What Can I Give Today?

If I am to be anything to anyone else the best thing I can do is build within myself first.

I have found that when I know who I am, when I am spiritually connected, when I focus on the things I need to change in me, when I believe in not just who I am today but who I am becoming, I can then come into relationships with others and bring goodness.

If I don’t have love in me to give then my relationships don’t work. If I’m filled with anger, resentment and fear, that is what I give to others. If I’m filled with judgement of myself then all I do is judge others.

When I love myself I can focus on what I can bring to others, to help lighten their lives and how I can love them better. I can find more peace in these relationships.

It’s in the turning away from what I think I need to get from people and turning to what I can give to them that I find everything I’ve been looking for.

I put each relationship to the test.

What can I bring to my relationships today?

Have I done the work within myself to create loving relationships?