Choices

When did I unconsciously decide to start holding back again in an effort to protect my self?

It’s something I did my whole life but when I had my first profound awakening, I finally saw that the problem with having the walls up to keep out the bad, was that it came with a high cost.

It was also keeping out everything good.

I had let finally down all the walls and I allowed absolutely everything in.

As scary as it was, it was the time in my life I felt the most free, it was when I felt the most of everything.

It was like taking a leap off a cliff.

There was so much living in those moments, so many lows but yet so many highs too.

But yet again, as life happened, as it always does, ever so subtly, I starting holding back and closing off again.

I wanted to protect myself.

I chose safety over risks.

But in protecting myself, I had stopped living to the fullest like I had been.

I stopped taking those risks.

Life starting loosing the vibrance in it’s color.

I stopped living completely free in the now and tried to find a balance between acting in the moment, and being discernibly cautious.

Is there a right and a wrong way in all this?

Or are there just choices, with costs and prices to pay for each side?

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Darkness

It’s sad but there are just people in this world that honour their darkness and just can’t stand their own light.

Darkness is a cancer that spreads.

They are hurt people who continue to hurt people.

Jesus said, “forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Unconsciousness.

People who act and react based on the character created by their past, never gaining awareness of themselves or why they do what they do, create havoc in the lives of others.

What’s worse are those who have awareness of what they do but have no desire to change.

They just stay stuck in their story, their “character”.

You can do nothing to help someone who is unwilling to be helped. That’s when the job is done and it’s time to move on.

Some people just will live out their fate in darkness, living in sickness, and never grow towards anything better.

I’m sad for those people.

As sad as it is to watch, I thank God that it’s not me.

I will never be perfect.

I do however thank God that I have the gift of willingness to strive towards light and truth, that I can reach for solution.

I fight hard everyday to keep the darkness at bay.

I can lay my head down on my pillow and know if there’s no tomorrow, my soul will be at peace.

I loved and served those in front of me the best I could.

I wouldn’t want the alternative.

Thank you God for the lesson so my soul can evolve.

I got the message loud and clear.