When did I unconsciously decide to start holding back again in an effort to protect my self?
It’s something I did my whole life but when I had my first profound awakening, I finally saw that the problem with having the walls up to keep out the bad, was that it came with a high cost.
It was also keeping out everything good.
I had let finally down all the walls and I allowed absolutely everything in.
As scary as it was, it was the time in my life I felt the most free, it was when I felt the most of everything.
It was like taking a leap off a cliff.
There was so much living in those moments, so many lows but yet so many highs too.
But yet again, as life happened, as it always does, ever so subtly, I starting holding back and closing off again.
I wanted to protect myself.
I chose safety over risks.
But in protecting myself, I had stopped living to the fullest like I had been.
I stopped taking those risks.
Life starting loosing the vibrance in it’s color.
I stopped living completely free in the now and tried to find a balance between acting in the moment, and being discernibly cautious.
Is there a right and a wrong way in all this?
Or are there just choices, with costs and prices to pay for each side?