The Puzzle

Can I tell you a story?

It’s about a girl who came into this world with the purpose of remembering what she was here to do.

She came from a different dimension, another world and
chose this life, these parents, this place, to fulfill a destiny.

She yearned to know the experience of what it is like to be human.

As time went on, instead of remembering where and from whom she came from and was also equally was a part of it, therefore possessed the ability to create anything she could dream up, she just forgot more and more.

The feeling of separation from where she came from grew and grew as a result of this human character that she created, in an effort to protect her from things that happened to her.

She suffered greatly on this earth for a long time until she could no longer stand the suffering.

She thought she wanted to die but in reality it was her soul wishing for the death of the human part of her.

Eventually that human part cracked just enough to allow an awakening to occur.

Suddenly she saw the world in a different light.

She started to remember.

An outstanding idea presented itself. She could end her suffering, she could just stop resisting.

Like a child with her nose pressed up against a puzzle, therefore not even noticing that it is in fact a puzzle, she could not see that the puzzle pieces created a whole entire image. The pieces being everything that has happened in and around her in her life, and in this world.

As she backed away from the puzzle a breathtaking image of perfection appeared.

Another idea came to her.

Even though at close range she could see how the pieces fit together so perfectly, so effortlessly, just maybe there was more to see, like a puzzle inside of a piece of a much larger puzzle.

A puzzle so large that she might never be able to back away from it enough to see the whole of it.

And for once, that was okay with her.

She was okay with not seeing it all, not knowing it all because there was clearly a divine plan that could, made by the ultimate designer of it all.

If something beyond her comprehension could create such a perfect and beautiful plan, maybe, she just might, be able to place her trust in that. Like allowing yourself to fall into a net that was built to hold you up, and resting in the comfort of the safety of that net.

It was then that stopped resisting.

That was the beginning of this girl letting go.

Teaching Angels To Fly

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In the world of recovery, as with my job and with my personal life in the program, people often come and go into my life.

I take women under my wing.

I like to say that I teach angels how to fly.

I help them put on the training wheels and give them a little push.

Some touch my heart more than others.

Instead of focusing on the painful goodbyes, I focus on the beauty and light they shed in my life during the brief time I had them with me.

They each bring something unique with them and leave me with sacred memories.

One in particular is out there suffering right now and I cannot help her because the only help she needs can come from her connection with her creator.

A few days ago we were laughing and having fun being silly and then next thing I know she is lost to this disease and gone.

Every time I have the memory of the last time I saw her face flash before me in my mind, so broken and so lost, I pray for her and hope that someday she follows the light to guide her home.

I love you Liz.

Acting Out Of Love

I will slow down, choose my thoughts, words and actions carefully, making sure that all of these are coming from a place of love instead of fear.

I never want to live from a place of fear again.

When I am acting out of fear it comes from a place of darkness and it creates havoc and discontent in my life.

When I am acting out of love then my life enfolds in beautiful harmony and I am on the path drawing nearer to my creator.

Raising The Bar

The journey of learning how to navigate life here on earth as a sober, conscious and awakened human being has been challenging at times.

Now that I’ve been finally facing the things in my past that have created this character I’ve needed to create to survive on this planet and have driven my thoughts and actions my whole life, I have begun to be free of it little by little.

I wasn’t ready until my soul was ready.

With faith and trust in my creator, I am able to find clarity, make decisions and then act on them with courage.

I can decide today what it is that I want my experience here on earth to look like, and when it’s really close but not quite there, I don’t have to settle out of fear that if I don’t, I’ll never have it.

That’s been my problem my whole life. I’ve settled for almost enough respect, almost enough happiness, almost enough love, almost enough living.

Then slowly but surely the bar got lower and lower and lower until I would accept anything at all.

Finally my life and beliefs got so small that there was no room for hope.

So now I’m in the process of expanding my beliefs about what life can be, setting the bar higher and placing more and more trust in my creator.

My experience so far has amazingly been that life absolutely rises to meet me where I am.

That’s a good reason today for hope.

Honoring This Gift

In this period of completing a year sober, I look back on all the people who had at one point been on this journey with me but did not make it.

They have just fallen away from my life, usually back into drugs and alcohol.

I often wonder why me?

I constantly ask God what is it that I’m meant to do on this planet.

I must have a purpose.

Sometimes I feel solid in knowing what that is.

Sometimes I feel lost and I don’t know what God wants from me.

That’s when I’m pushed into seeking more.

At all times when I’m brought to my knees by confusion, lack of answers, loss of direction, sadness and pain, as long as I stay close to my creator, there is the other side awaiting me.

On the other side is more self knowledge, more consciousness and always there is more love.

Whatever the reasons I am still here are, above all else, I honor this gift of life and sobriety today.

Through The Rain

Today it’s raining.

As I sit out in the back yard and watch the rain drops fall, soaking the roof of the house, trees, grass and flowers, it causes me to think about how necessary the rain is for the life flow of the planet.

So it is with the human experience that times of darkness, rain, storm and suffering is necessary for our own ebb and flow of life.

In times where I could not see truth, when I didn’t understand, when I questioned everything in defiance and resistance, through the dark clouds there inevitably came the light of the sun.

With the light came surrender and then an awakening.

I always came out the other side and with more knowledge and consciousness.

No matter what happens, life does go on.

Everything passes.

Although I prefer the upswing that happens after dark times, one can’t exist without the other.

So today I thank the universe for the lessons, for everything, so I can get closer to my creator and know myself better.

It’s Time

I spent my whole life wishing I could just be like everyone else but never quite getting there.

Now, the furthest thing from my wish is wanting to be like everyone else.

I want to think, act and live out of the box.

The box is used to contain us and keep us from ultimate enlightenment and higher consciousness.

One of the main reasons I never felt like others is that I saw what others couldn’t see.

I didn’t know at the time that it was truth that I was seeing but those around me couldn’t.

There needs to be those of us who will withstand the criticism and backlash from those who do not understand and are stuck in their own separate reality, cut off from our creator.

Some of us need to find the courage to shine a light on the darkness.

It is time to come forward and share the message of truth.

It’s time to stand for something.

First Thing’s First

The problem of being stuck in self was the root of all my problems.

When I all I think about is how I am going to manage in this world, how I am going to have money, security, a career, friends, lovers, having fun, safety and everything else I can obsess about, the result is misery.

For me everything goes back to the relationship I have with my creator. If I trust this thing, if I believe it is always by my side, guiding and protecting me, then I have much less fear about life and my place in it.

I have surrendered to the fact that I am here to do the will of my creator first and not my own.

That doesn’t mean I don’t get to have an amazing life. In fact the more I put others first and serve my creator and humanity, the more my life steadily improves.

It sometimes feels like getting out of self is against my natural inclination. However it is only my ego that fights it, not the ultimate nature of my being.

I just continually do all I can to keep the gift of my awakening alive and take actions to not slip backwards into unconsciousness.

It works, it really does.

11 Months

Today marks eleven months of sobriety without any mind altering substances.

Coming to believe in an all loving creator has transformed everything about me. Building a relationship with my creator, placing my life in his hands and slowly walking step by step, hand in hand with faith, has made this last eleven months the most amazing time in my life.

It has been full of triumphs and heartache. I have had moments of feeling lost and moments of bliss.

That’s the human experience.

Most of all, I finally have the solid belief that anything is possible and limits have seemed to fall away.

Continually I learn, grow and awaken.

How could I not be grateful for my life as it is today compared to how I’ve lived before this?