Bad Luck???

I don’t believe there is such a thing as “bad luck”. There was a time when I would use those words to describe the things that happened to me that I didn’t like, or that I labeled as “bad”.

Now I see that everything that goes on in my life is a product of something on my part.

It says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that “we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.”

I had read this line what felt like a thousand times until one day it clicked in a way it never had before.

I finally realized that though I had no control over other people’s actions, and may not have directly caused an action on someone else’s part, that if I went back far enough I could see a decision based on self that placed me in the position to be hurt. Even if that decision was as simple as seeing the signs but not walking away from harms way.

I saw that the chaos that happened in my outer life was a reflection of what was going on inside, that energetically I drew these events to me. If I had an argument, I had a part, because one person can’t argue. If I was treated poorly by someone in my life more than once, just maybe I allowed it.

Once I made a decision to not tolerate abuse, it just fell away from my life. Once I had hit a bottom with drama, it ended. Once I stopped believing in limitations, they vanished. Once I had enough of the kind of relationships that caused me pain and decided I was done settling with them, they didn’t happen any more.

They just may have been my creation, because deep down I didn’t believe I was worthy of love, so I couldn’t allow people who just wanted to love me, into my heart.

The bad news, if all this is true, is that I have no right to complain about “bad luck” because I am the cause.

The good news is that I don’t have to wait on the luck of the world to swing my way to finally be happy and free, I get to chose.

It’s up to me.

And that’s some really good news.

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The Truth Can Sting A Bit

Sometimes the truth stings.

Sometimes it can be a serious blow to the ego.

But like my sponsor has taught me, nothing bad can ever happen from the truth.

Nothing can ever be wrong with being really real and just putting it out there.

That is what I’ve started to do in a safe anonymous space which is my blog.

Most do not live in truth, they dance around it, cover it up, avoid it, deny it, anything other than to face it.

I am now compelled to live in nothing other than the truth.

A Single Match

Today I stand in the light

My light

A single match lit with it’s flame burning brightly

Navigating through winds and rain

Storms though dramatically breathtaking

Eventually extinguish even roaring fires

Shielding from the elements to keep my glow

Small and unimportant

Yet resting on such responsibility

Leaning against other matches to ignite the torch of awareness

Brightening the path upward and onward for more to find their way

When dark is only the vacancy of hope

Cold the absence of love

Emptiness the lacking of God

Knowing that place very well

This tiny match pushes on from the repeating the past

And finds it’s home in the warm embrace of truth

 

 

 

 

Protect Your Light

No human can save me from alcoholism.

No human can “fix” me.

No human can love me enough if I can’t love myself first.

No one can be good enough for me until I believe that I am good enough.

Untreated alcoholism looks like addiction to tragedy and suffering.

It looks like addiction to drama and running from everything that is good and full of light.

I was warned about a spiritual sickness where some people would suck the light and energy from me.

I have experienced this.

It’s something unconscious that happens. These people aren’t bad, just sick.

I was one of these people once.

There’s a lot to be said for protecting our space. For knowing our limits and not giving up our light for ANYONE. No matter how much we love them.

It’s frustrating to see what others cannot recognise about themselves. To see people struggle, to see people choose to live in sad stories and pain, is almost too much to watch sometimes.

We must let these people go and find their own way. Staying too long can drag us down.

I refuse to live trapped on this earth by ego, abstinent from mood altering substances. If I am to live, I must live free and find what I was seeking all along…

A spiritual experience.