It’s Gonna Be You and Me

I left behind my blond locks, cigarettes, and any relationship with another, all in the hopes you would return home, to where I am.

Silly, really, since you are long, long gone.

In my dreams we laugh and live a life of freedom together.

All the things we never said, we say, and we mean it.

We do things differently.

I am different and then so are you.

We get a do over, to make right the wrongs.

I’m not afraid, and neither are you.

You finally see me, I mean, really see me.

In my dreams it’s great, and we are great together.

Really, really great.

Then I wake up, and you are not here.

Things are how they are, so I move on.

My Book, My Story

I’m writing less on my blog because I started writing my book. The book I’ve been saying I’m going to write for the last 2 years. It’s not at all what I thought I’d write about but isn’t life always like that? Never ending up the way we imagined? But still it’s what’s inside me, needing to come out. This story that needs to be told. It’s living inside me and I want it out. It’s time.

This is my story.

I Dare to Dream

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And always life responds, and provides abundance to what we focus on.

I dare to dream and then the dream becomes real.

I envisioned myself here, in this place, with this amazing career in a field I care deeply about, with this life.

I ignored all the boundaries, the walls became doors, and I continue to live a life with purpose.

All I ever wanted was for my life to matter.

And today, it does.

New Beginnings

With every ending is a new beginning, more beautiful, more deep and more lovely than before.

With every moment of deciding what I haven’t wanted, I’ve been able to discover what I do want.

Every time I have walked away from not good enough, I find that the universe provides me with something better.

It’s been there all along, the best my creator can offer, I just have missed it.

Too focused on the past to see what’s right in front of me, what’s here and now is so much more than before.

It’s the gentle wave of a new beginning.

Beauty and hope all wrapped up together in something truthful.

I hear you universe, whispering in my ear, “Push on forward, my gifts are just beginning.”

Creation and Focus

It wasn’t until I became conscious of the truth that I began changing my reality.

When I understood that I am energy, like everything that exists, and every thought, belief, word and action sends out signals into the energy field of the universe, I began to finally focus that energy to create something beautiful.

I began to create the existence that I always wanted.

I never knew I could really do it.

I was already creating my existence but I wasn’t aware of it.

Just like my creator, I have been given the same ability to create anything I wish.

That’s what we are here to do, to experience the magnificence of what we are, not to just know it.

I can know things but I exist to experience.

It all begins with thought.

So to create the reality I wish to live in, I am constantly mindful of my thoughts.

I work to resist nothing and instead to focus my heart and mind on what I want to experience, not what I don’t want.

What I focus my attention on grows and that includes what I don’t want.

I see this working in my life and in the lives of others.

There are no limits to the things we can do.

It all starts with a loving heart and constant thought of others.

The universe responds because it wants this for me and for you.

Today I will create something amazing.

Unlearn Everything

“We don’t need to learn anything new. We just need to unlearn everything we think we know.”

I never realized that I was going to try to just settle for an average life. Old beliefs, the ones I never even questioned or stopped to think about where they came from, kept me from believing I could go anywhere and do anything I could dream up.

My deepest dreams seemed somehow unreachable. So one by one as I grew up from being a child, I let them all go. I was told that I needed a college education to be anything, that I would have to work hard for my money (and not necessarily enjoy it), that if I didn’t get married and have children something was off with me. I believed I should find “the one” and it should last forever.

I believed that to have a powerful impact on my children, I had to be physically present with them everyday. These are just some of the beliefs that determined how I lived life. No one ever told me to just be who I felt I was meant to be. That I could just be free to be me and what everyone else is doing may not equal happiness.

My experience so far has been that anything is possible and love wins over everything else. Being loving without conditions on that love not only grants me freedom but it creates a path for the impossible to occur.

My job is not hard. It doesn’t feel like work. I get to be me. I get to be of service to amazing girls. I get the daughters I never had. I get to be around those that are walking the same path towards enlightenment that I travel.

The bond I have with my children through the love I have given and continue to give is beyond anything. I don’t have to live with them or do the things most moms do to be their hero. It’s the love that they recognize and eat up.  

It’s why my 15 year old sings me songs in the car that people have made about their moms. It’s why he tells me more than most teenage boys tell their parents. It’s why his smile and eyes shine when we are together. It’s why he feels safe with me. It’s why he proudly talks to his friends about who his mom is. It’s the reason he asks me to stay longer because it’s important to him for me to meet his girlfriend.

My love, he says, is the reason he feels encouraged to follow his truth and succeed.

Success means something totally different to me today. It doesn’t consist of a pay check, money, the car, the house, the intimate partner, the admiration of others or anything like that.

Today it means that my life is full of love and close relationships, self respect, self love, inner peace and fulfillment. It’s only been seven and a half months on this new part of my human journey and I’ve gained so much of what I always wanted but was looking in all the wrong places for.

Gratitude fills my heart and if I really take a good look at truth, I’m already exactly where I need to be.

Nine Years Ago

Nine years ago
The day you were born
I first saw your little face
And I knew the heavens were smiling down on us

Your little fingers and toes
I counted every single one
The fuzzy hair on top of your head
My hand smoothed with a gentle touch

Crying subdued as you heard the sound of my voice you already knew
And felt the warmth of my skin
I held you close
As I whispered silent promises of lifelong dedication
To help you live your dreams

Little button nose
Soft round cheeks
Tiny lids and lashes
Your eyes finally opened

As I gazed into those baby blues
I felt the light of unconditional love that touched me at my core
In an instant I understood it all
That we were two halves of a whole

Every day I’ve seen you grow into who you are meant to be
My heart fills more and more with joy
To know you is a sacred and precious gift
To be your mother is an honor and my love for you will go on long after forever