Baby Blue Balloon

Hold my string around your finger
for I am the baby blue balloon at the other end
Floating, striving to reach greater heights
up over trees and buildings,
heading for the clouds

One little cotton string
connects me to it all
so don’t let go too soon

Lightly I glide,
The earth’s pull no match for me
Looking down from an areal view
as if I sat on the moon,
watching giant dancing patterns
of tiny humans weave over and around each other
in harmonious disarray

The patterns from my view
are in sync with the symphony of life
as the songs change
but the music keeps playing

Is this the big picture?
Or is there even more to see?

Don’t ask me to come down,
for it will never look the same
When I return home to the ground
will I forget what I learned?
Will I forget what it all meant?
when I was high in sky
weightless and careless
as a baby blue balloon

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Breaking The Cycle

Taking an honest look at my past is valuable because it can be used as my doorway to freedom.

I say this because unless I know where I came from and what those experiences taught me about the world I live in, I won’t be able to see how and why I keep recreating it over and over today.

The continual unconscious drive to keep living out the same insanity keeps me in bondage.

Unless and until I become awake to the patterns of my actions and the underlying beliefs behind them, I am unable to make new choices and do something different for a different result.

As a survivor of molestation by someone who was supposed to be my protector, I have continued out that cycle by the choices I have made in my intimate life.

What seemed “normal” to me was that the person who was supposed to protect me was actually my abuser, like a kidnapped victim falling for their kidnapper.

I couldn’t see what was actually happening.

I didn’t understand why this was happening over and over again.

I didn’t know that I was the one who was creating it now.

I have become to see this play out in my life today and now can recognise it much quicker and finally have the awareness to make new choices and take different actions that lead me towards a better existence.

More consciousness develops from this inside work.

I get closer and closer to the life I want.

That is what I call freedom.

Powerful

There is nothing more powerful than love.

Nothing more powerful than truth.

Nothing more powerful than God.

What else on the planet can penetrate the thickest walls?

Brighten the darkest corners?

Fill up empty hearts?

Envelop a room, completely unseen, yet felt with an overwhelming warmth?

Make the pain of years melt away?

Bring us to spill tears of joy?

Instantly remove fear?

Gain trust in an instant?

Unify us all?

God=Truth=Love

Truly Inspiring Actions

Could staying away from someone be the truest form of love?

Absolutely.

The definition of love I had been operating off of my whole life is not what I understand it to be today.

It doesn’t feel like truth.

Love had been more about what I could get from being with someone much more than being about what I could give.

What I’ve learned is that it’s always about loving more.

The answer is never about loving less.

To stay with someone, if you know you don’t have the ability to give them everything you would want to give them, everything you know you could give them, just to not be apart, is not love.

And if a person makes a decision to heal from within first and stay away, the most loving and unselfish thing to do is to respect the decision they have made, despite the desire you may have to hold them near.

But how many people love enough to actually separate, allow someone else to have their own experience, in order to work on being able to give all the love they could give to someone else?

The answer is not very many.

I never had.

It’s not the easy thing to do.

To make a decision to separate from someone you love, to prevent causing harm and build within one’s own self first, is actually the ultimate sacrifice you can make.

It is the greatest gift you could give someone you love.

Watching someone actually have the strength to love that much fills my heart and soul.

Because it is such a beautiful thing.

It’s tremendous growth.

It is something to be admired.

It’s truly inspiring.

It’s something to believe in.

God Either Is Or Isn’t

“God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t.”
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

I could read something 1000 times but until I was ready to really hear it, I just couldn’t fully grasp what it meant. Years of seeking to find answers, to find truth, to find the path to be what my soul always knew I was, has led to me the understanding I hold today for what this truly means.

My soul yearned to know it’s potential but I was driven by ego.

I used to wonder why there was a need for darkness, for sadness, for pain and deny that there was a purpose for it’s existence. Now I understand that we cannot know and experience the beauty and power of the light we are without the existence of everything we’re not.

We have to experience the opposite of what we are to know who we want to be.

God is the darkness and the light, the tragedy and the joy, the hope and the suffering. God is just as much you and I, as he is each grain of sand on the beach.

God is in every moment, song, sign on the street, word or whisper spoken.

God is in the tears spilling from our eyes, the laughter, the pain, the joy and even the heartache.

To deny any of this would be to deny the existence of God.

To shelter ourselves from people, relationships, connection, trust and love, of our own will, is to shelter ourselves from God.

Today I understand that I must live, really live, to ever become what my soul yearns to become.

That is what God wants for me.

That is what God wants for you too.

9 Months of Days

Today marks nine months since I have put any mind altering substances in my body.

Nine months ago was the start of an amazing journey towards self realisation, that I never could’ve dreamt up.

I was lifted up out of darkness, when I could not do it for myself, and carried towards hope.

I didn’t make a phone call to a rehab asking for help. I didn’t want to live anymore. I had given up on myself and the world we live in. I was hopeless.

My creator had different plans for me, though I didn’t want it.

Thank God my story didn’t end in tragedy.

It’s been at times hard, messy, funny and absolutely beautiful, all wrapped up in one tremendous experience.

And it’s been my own unique experience.

Some things I’ve done I do not wish to do again.

My only regret in any situation so far is that I didn’t fear less and love more.

I would have never been able to get this far without building a connection with my creator, that I take with me into everything I do.

This has afforded me more happiness, laughter and freedom I’ve ever experience in all my life.

Being open to love without conditions and see that each spirit that walks this planet in human form is part of me and I a part of them, has been the greatest gift I’ve been given.

To everyone who has touched my heart along the way, I hold you and the things I’ve learned from you with me always.

Those who have loved me and allowed me to love you make this all worth it.

You Are A Hero

You are wonderful because of your perfect imperfections.

The magic of your beauty comes from the scars life has left on you.

You didn’t always believe you would have anything to give the world.

You had no idea how precious you really were.

There is hope in the tragedy of your story.

Sometimes the only sense that can be made from the ways you have been harmed is to show others that it can be survived.

From the darkest of times your spirit has turned to shine bright.

Because there is a part of you that cannot be harmed.

Your flame illuminates the way because you honour your light.

You help your fellows because you understand truth that we are not separate at all.

We are all just a tiny parts of the whole.

All together moving towards a better existence.

You are a hero.

The Space Between You And I

God exists not only in each one of us but in the space between you and I.

I cannot claim to want to experience intimacy if I cannot give up trying to protect myself.

The two cannot coexist.

I can only be in true connection with myself, God and others, when I truly allow myself to be vulnerable.

I can only be free when I stop trying to control the universe which will not be controlled.

My soul WILL evolve whether my ego likes it or not.

I will choose to be free.