Brittle

There’s some people that have such a committed and detailed view of what they consider to be the perfect partner, the perfect picture, to have the perfect life. Their expectations are so brittle, that they mostly spend life alone.

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Pushing Forward

I push forward into the life I’m meant to have, instead I the life I thought I should have.

Most of the time I trust in the universe that what I’m meant to have, I will have.

The people I need to assist me on my journey and help me fulfil my purpose will be placed in my life, and those that no longer serve their purpose will be removed.

Sometimes it takes me a while to see things clearly.

Sometimes it takes me a while to get into acceptance of what happens to be.

Sometimes I doubt, sometimes I get confused and lost.

Sometimes I struggle and resist.

I often get stuck trying to “figure it out” which inevitably always fails.

I’ll try hard to predict the future based on the past or present, a future that for all I know, may never come, instead of trusting.

Sometimes I forget to be patient.

Then I remember that the only I thing I may ever know for sure, is right now.

I guess this is all part of my humanness.

In the end though, I always have a knowing deep down inside, that my creator is all around me, and I will always, no matter what, be okay.

It’s In The Actions

What I’m left with, at the end of the day, is the relationship I have with myself and God.

I now know what it means to live this human existence by spiritual principles.

I’ve been around enough now to be able to talk about it, explain it, theorize about it and intellectually know how it works.

But when it comes down to living it, right here and right now, do I actually do these things?

Do I live with integrity and honesty?

Do I lie to myself or am I honest with myself?

Do I constantly judge myself, beating myself up for meeting the unrealistic expectations I hold myself to?

Can I forgive myself for being human today?

When someone I’m faced with affects me in a way that I don’t like, do I treat them with tolerance and patience?

Do I relax into the fact that no one can hurt me or take anything from me without my allowing it, therefore allowing people to just be who they are with the security of knowing that I’m okay no matter what?

When things don’t go my way, do I get angry and frustrated, trying to manipulate and control people?

Do I accept those in my life for who they are and can I look for the good in everyone?

Is my love conditional?

Have I said what I need to say today, would my soul be at peace if I had no tomorrow?

Do I live in fear of not getting what I want and is what I think I need to be okay lie in the material world?

Or do I live in a world where things of importance or the things you can’t see, like inner peace, joy, love without conditions and freedom?

Do I focus on what I can give rather than what I can take?

These are some of the questions I ask myself daily to remind myself that I cannot intellectualize my way into freedom.

Freedom lies in the actions I take in the present moment.

Freedom lies in right now.

Truth, Love, Solution

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The most powerful thing on the planet is love.

I’ve never found that loving more hasn’t made any situation, any problem, better.

Loving the human being that I am and loving others has proven to be the thing that cuts through all fear and doubt.

Love is what connects us all.

Love is the truth of our being.

Love more today without needy attachment, without expectations.

Love freely with all that you are.

It’s always the solution.

Always.

What Surrender, Again?

There are no coincidences in this experience called human life. Every second orchestrated in beautiful harmony whether we can see it in this present moment or not.

I’ve been very physically sick, sicker than I’ve been in a long, long time. For the last few days it’s been constant suffering. There still seems no end in sight. It came on like a storm out of the blue.

It has forced me to slow down and just be. Though at this very time my ego has been feeling it quite inconvenient. I cannot go run and do a million things to avoid myself.

I can’t do much of anything except talk (and that is difficult), read and do some writing.

Why is this perfect timing?

I’ve lost someone I love.

Today I should’ve started the gift of my new position at work.

I’ve had to allow people to help me. Those I typically help, I’ve had to lean on to help me, which is still a work in progress for me.

I’ve had to say no to people.

Although I’m finding life today is not how I would’ve liked to see it, and add to it being physically hurting and ill, this is actually the perfect time.

I have been “encouraged” by the universe to delve deeper within.

And so I have.

This feeling of complete and utter surrender, being out of answers, no resistance, giving up everything I think I know, exhausted and at the mercy of all that is in this moment, is a familiar feeling I’ve felt before.

Uncomfortable as it is, I feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, again. Weight I never knew I had been carrying, yet again.

I can look back at all the growth and beauty that grew from this experience in the past and believe that it’s about to happen again.

Because I have awareness today.

Because I trust.

Because I am open.

Because I am willing.