God Either Is Or Isn’t

“God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t.”
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

I could read something 1000 times but until I was ready to really hear it, I just couldn’t fully grasp what it meant. Years of seeking to find answers, to find truth, to find the path to be what my soul always knew I was, has led to me the understanding I hold today for what this truly means.

My soul yearned to know it’s potential but I was driven by ego.

I used to wonder why there was a need for darkness, for sadness, for pain and deny that there was a purpose for it’s existence. Now I understand that we cannot know and experience the beauty and power of the light we are without the existence of everything we’re not.

We have to experience the opposite of what we are to know who we want to be.

God is the darkness and the light, the tragedy and the joy, the hope and the suffering. God is just as much you and I, as he is each grain of sand on the beach.

God is in every moment, song, sign on the street, word or whisper spoken.

God is in the tears spilling from our eyes, the laughter, the pain, the joy and even the heartache.

To deny any of this would be to deny the existence of God.

To shelter ourselves from people, relationships, connection, trust and love, of our own will, is to shelter ourselves from God.

Today I understand that I must live, really live, to ever become what my soul yearns to become.

That is what God wants for me.

That is what God wants for you too.

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Miles

Miles I have traveled see you
To know you
A journey of self discovery
To be ready for the experience of you

Things I had to learn
To know myself and be free
Blues eyes mirroring amber brown
Your smile, your gentle nature

Your soul on your sleeve
A light in the crowd
Loosing myself when we’re near
Energy not to be denied

Your scared I know
But what we fear we attract
Life is in the living
So fear not for everything comes from God

The gift is in acceptance of what is
Taking what he gives
Opening up our hearts
Is what it’s all about

Take the risk
Roll the dice
Luck is on our side
I’m waiting over here just for you

Trusted Compass

I release you to the universe
It’s arms open wide
Where peace I wish you to find
With the eternal comfort of home

As I leave you to fly on your own
Because it’s time for my own path
My final gift to you is the truth you seek
Listen closely with an open heart

Answers you seek and wish me to tell
Can’t replace the experience
your soul demands
For you to discover who you are and will be
On this brief journey called life

You are the creator of your reality
Just as your creator intended it to be
Free will is the gift you were given
Choice is the variable that leaves your path yet to be seen

This above all else is the truth you should know
Your primary purpose is to serve your creator
As we are you and you are us
Let that be your guide in all you do

Work to achieve for money, acceptance and admiration
Seeking for the objective of self
And all you build will crumble again and again
Like quicksand beneath your feet

Serve God above all else
Go within for it’s there you will find what your made of
Everything you could ever need and want
You will be blessed in miracles

Your light will explode
Igniting change for the better
Raising the hopes of the world
Leading many as you travel

Do everything with love
It will be your trusted compass
Do not fear but find courage to stand on your own
Warriors of truth often stand alone

A Light In The Dark

This is a brilliant parable from Neale Walsch’s Conversations With God in book 1.

This book has changed my life.

“There once was a soul who knew itself to be the light. This was a new soul, and so, anxious for experience. “I am the light,” it said. “I am the light.” Yet all the knowing of it and all the saying of it could not substitute for the experience of it. And in the realm from which this soul emerged, there was nothing but the light. Every soul was grand, every soul was magnificent, and every soul shone with the brilliance of My awesome light. And so the little soul in question was as a candle in the sun. In the midst of the grandest light—of which it was a part—it could not see itself, nor experience itself as Who and What it Really Is.

Now it came to pass that this soul yearned and yearned to know itself. And so great was its yearning that I one day said, “Do you know, Little One, what you must do to satisfy this yearning of yours?”

“Oh, what, God? What? I’ll do anything!” The little soul said.
“You must separate yourself from the rest of us,” I answered, “and then you must call upon yourself the darkness.

“What is the darkness, o Holy One?” the little soul asked.
“That which you are not,” I replied, and the soul understood.
And so this the soul did, removing itself from the All, yea, going even unto another realm. And in this realm the soul had the power to call into its experience all sorts of darkness. And this it did.

Yet in the midst of all the darkness did it cry out, “Father, Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?” Even as have you in your blackest times. Yet I have never forsaken you, but stand by you always, ready to remind you of Who You Really Are; ready, always ready, to call you home.
Therefore, be a light unto the darkness, and curse it not.

And forget not Who You Are in the moment of your encirclement by that which you are not. But do you praise to the creation, even as you seek to change it.

And know that what you do in the time of your greatest trial can be your greatest triumph. For the experience you create is a statement of Who You Are-and Who You Want to Be.”

Love and Fear

In the book Conversations With God, Neale Walsh writes his answer from God about the two deepest emotions that motivate humans – love and fear.

“And here is how human behavior produces repeat experience after repeat experience; it is why humans love, then destroy, then love again: always there is the swing from one emotion to the other. Love sponsors fear sponsors love sponsors fear.

And the reason is found in the first lie—the lie which you hold as the truth about God—that God cannot be trusted; that God’s love cannot be depended upon; that God’s acceptance of you is conditional; that the ultimate outcome is thus in doubt. For if you cannot depend on God’s love to always be there, on whose love can you depend? If God retreats and withdraws when you do not perform properly, will not mere mortals also?

And so it is that in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear.

For the first thing you worry about after saying “I love you” is whether you’ll hear it back. And if you hear it back, then you begin immediately to worry that the love you have just found, you will lose. And so all action becomes a reaction—defense against loss—even as you seek to defend yourself against the loss of God.

Yet if you knew Who You Are—that you are the most magnificent, the most remarkable, the most splendid being God has ever created—you would never fear. For who could reject such wondrous magnificence? Not even God could find fault in such a being.”

Gratitude

I am grateful for:

The awkwardness of first kisses
Baby blue eyes
Love songs
Dinner’s for two
Trying new food with someone I trust
Kitties
Thoughtful text messages
Hand holding
Sidewalk hugs
The moon by the pool house
Photo memories
Late night talks with giggles
Cuddling
Passionate embraces
Intimate stares
Ocean air and the negative ions from the waves
Your touching my soul
Having known you
Allowing you to know me
Experiencing even a moment of perfection
Friendship
Love
Kindness
Freedom to do it all over again

What’s In A Bottom?

Spiritual lessons come in all shapes and sizes, in all areas of life. So do bottoms. The problem with bottoms is that you may think you’re already there and then you go back just to find a new, lower bottom.

In my experience, I don’t really know I’m done with something until some time passes. I may be done for a short time because of the sting of my ego being bruised but then I go back for more.

Inevitably comes a time in every painful situation where the suffering out ways the benefits and therein lies a bottom.

Time away brings clarity. When emotionally removed from a situation I am able to see the truth I couldn’t see while in it.

The real lessons start to be revealed.

What do I really want? Why was I so willing to settle for less than everything I know is possible? Why couldn’t I just let go until now? What was it that drove my actions?

These are valuable questions that, if asked, are surely answered.

Being open to find the answers takes a lot of humility.

The hope is that I don’t keep finding myself in the same situations and expecting different results.

If I really trust in a power that is all loving and wants the best for me then I can let go and trust that if I move on from situations that no longer serve me, there are tremendous gifts on the other side.

The gift in bottoms that seem so sad and tragic at the time, is the growth we can attain, the self knowledge that is possible and faith in a better tomorrow in all things.

It’s only when I believe I deserve better that I attain better.

Today I surrender all to God and love myself enough to allow God to work in my life.

I just let go.

Witnessing Miracles

My sober friend, a walking miracle, who travels this road towards truth beside me.

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What Do I Stand For

I used to think I stood for something

Now looking back I really fell for anything

So attached to what others thought of me

Scared of not being okay without certain people around me

Misplaced faith only in the material world

I kept my mouth shut because of being afraid that I wouldn’t get what I needed from people I mistakenly thought I needed

I did what I was told

Deep down inside I knew truth but denying it to myself kept me spiritually sick

I tried to fit in to the false beliefs of the world

It almost killed me

Today I am grateful for clarity, willingness, humility and courage

Every step I take towards truth I feel more free

I gain experience in the fact that there is a power that wants nothing but good for me

I just need to stay connected to that creative intelligence

What I focus on I magnify

So when I focus on love, happiness and miracles

Those things grow around me

I am grateful to have the life I have today

Not because of the money I have or don’t have

Not because of the people I have in my life or don’t have

It’s all because of what I have gained within me