God Either Is Or Isn’t

“God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t.”
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

I could read something 1000 times but until I was ready to really hear it, I just couldn’t fully grasp what it meant. Years of seeking to find answers, to find truth, to find the path to be what my soul always knew I was, has led to me the understanding I hold today for what this truly means.

My soul yearned to know it’s potential but I was driven by ego.

I used to wonder why there was a need for darkness, for sadness, for pain and deny that there was a purpose for it’s existence. Now I understand that we cannot know and experience the beauty and power of the light we are without the existence of everything we’re not.

We have to experience the opposite of what we are to know who we want to be.

God is the darkness and the light, the tragedy and the joy, the hope and the suffering. God is just as much you and I, as he is each grain of sand on the beach.

God is in every moment, song, sign on the street, word or whisper spoken.

God is in the tears spilling from our eyes, the laughter, the pain, the joy and even the heartache.

To deny any of this would be to deny the existence of God.

To shelter ourselves from people, relationships, connection, trust and love, of our own will, is to shelter ourselves from God.

Today I understand that I must live, really live, to ever become what my soul yearns to become.

That is what God wants for me.

That is what God wants for you too.

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The Story Of My Life

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I have a story.

My story is of some value as long as I don’t get lost in it, as long as I don’t identify my true being with it.

It can help me relate with and connect with others. I can help people with the experience, strength and hope of surviving it.

My story can help me learn about what I want and don’t want to be today.

The mind, body and spirit are interconnected.  I am a being in human form, so I must allow myself to be human.

Whether I like it or not, I have a mind that has been conditioned by my past and that is what I want to break free of.

I no longer want to buy into the ideas I received from the world and people in it.

I don’t want to live like I am what happened to me.

These ideas about myself and others keep me in bondage.

I want to live in truth.

If I don’t take a look at where these ideas have and still play a part in how I experience this human journey, I can’t be free of them.

The work is in becoming conscious of and making sense of my past so that I may help others do the same.

I want to be free of it.

The good news is through every painful time, there is a beginning, middle and end.

Sometimes it’s just about holding on.

Today I Will

I will give to the greater good today

I will turn away from selfish desires and be there for someone else

I won’t identify with every passing thought because it is not who and what I am

I will listen to my heart not my mind

I will trust that I have all the answers I need within me

I will give all of myself withholding nothing

I won’t try to manage, manipulate and control my environment or the people around me

I will be compassionate, tolerant and loving to those around me

I will look pass the characters people play and look for and speak to their souls

I will be gentle on myself

I will create something amazing today

I will shine light into darkness

I will give someone else hope

I won’t live in the past nor let the past decide my future

I will break old patterns of behaviour and do something different

I will learn something new

I will stay in the beauty of the present

I will slow down

I won’t rush to the next moment

I will allow others to help me today

I will allow love in

The Miracle Already IS

The miracle that happens for a girl like me through living a spiritual way of life, is to have another day alive and sober on this planet.

For whatever reason, I have a disease called alcoholism that is progressive and fatal. I hadn’t been able to live comfortably without putting something in my body to alter my mind for most of my life.

However, today I live free from the obsession to use a drink or a drug. Not only have I not used a mind altering substance in over eight months but I have had the most interesting and fun journey thus far.

At this point it cannot just about getting “relief”. I’m constantly shooting for happy, joyous and FREE.

And it happens.

So it baffles me that I used to deny the existence of an unconditionally loving God. According to the odds, I should be dead or loaded.

But I’m not.

If no human power can help me, no thing, job, amount of money, then my only hope is God.

So I pray every day to know God and his will for me.

Only someone like me, with alcoholism, would be granted the miracle and gift of life but then that not be enough, still be unsatisfied and want more.

This is the disease centered in self.

I have been granted the gift of life for today therefore my first priority has to be how can I love and serve God.

As long as I remember this and have gratitude in my heart, I can possibly have yet another day.

Loving Is The How

Though it seems that way

You are not alone

Spirit surrounds you

God is your home

 

The heart you buried

So deep within

Hidden behind iron walls

No sunlight can get in

 

Thinking you can avoid

When hiding from pain

Failing to see

That beauty lives in the rain

 

Pride tells lies

Holding on so tight

To a false sense of safety

When there’s no wrong or right

 

Open up to life

And all it’s glory

See with your soul

You are not your story

 

Denying what is truth

Afraid to speak

That’s when you suffer

Find courage when you’re weak

 

Miracles will occur

When walking through fear

Because none of it’s real

In your heart is what’s clear

 

You get what you give

Loving is the how

Forget past and future

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To Not Do Life Perfectly

I don’t want to have to be perfect

To manage my environment to feel okay

Or be driven by false ideas

I don’t want to play it safe

Or be careful

Quiet

Cautious

Shut down

Controlling

Untrusting

Or scared

I want to be open to new people and experiences

Honest

To really, really live

To be free

To have fun

To take chances

Fall down, skin my knees and get back up

To love hard

Be close with another

To give all that I have in me to give

To share life with someone I admire

And most of all

Enjoy the whole show before it ends

What Do I Stand For

I used to think I stood for something

Now looking back I really fell for anything

So attached to what others thought of me

Scared of not being okay without certain people around me

Misplaced faith only in the material world

I kept my mouth shut because of being afraid that I wouldn’t get what I needed from people I mistakenly thought I needed

I did what I was told

Deep down inside I knew truth but denying it to myself kept me spiritually sick

I tried to fit in to the false beliefs of the world

It almost killed me

Today I am grateful for clarity, willingness, humility and courage

Every step I take towards truth I feel more free

I gain experience in the fact that there is a power that wants nothing but good for me

I just need to stay connected to that creative intelligence

What I focus on I magnify

So when I focus on love, happiness and miracles

Those things grow around me

I am grateful to have the life I have today

Not because of the money I have or don’t have

Not because of the people I have in my life or don’t have

It’s all because of what I have gained within me

No Matter What

If there is one thing I know to be true

On this journey towards the light

The one thing I need to always honor

To be able to live on this earth without needing to reach for something to quiet my mind

Is to live in and speak up for truth

No matter what the world thinks

No matter what those around me think

Whether people leave me or don’t leave me

Whether people like it or don’t like it

I answer to my creator

I need to have the courage to carry the message of truth

I need to stand in the light of solution

I need to speak up about God, that all knowing creative intelligence that performs miracles on those like me that have been lifted out of darkness and shown the way

I know that my soul cannot tolerant the false reality around me that most choose to live in

I have been granted a gift and my primary purpose is to honor that