Raising The Bar

The journey of learning how to navigate life here on earth as a sober, conscious and awakened human being has been challenging at times.

Now that I’ve been finally facing the things in my past that have created this character I’ve needed to create to survive on this planet and have driven my thoughts and actions my whole life, I have begun to be free of it little by little.

I wasn’t ready until my soul was ready.

With faith and trust in my creator, I am able to find clarity, make decisions and then act on them with courage.

I can decide today what it is that I want my experience here on earth to look like, and when it’s really close but not quite there, I don’t have to settle out of fear that if I don’t, I’ll never have it.

That’s been my problem my whole life. I’ve settled for almost enough respect, almost enough happiness, almost enough love, almost enough living.

Then slowly but surely the bar got lower and lower and lower until I would accept anything at all.

Finally my life and beliefs got so small that there was no room for hope.

So now I’m in the process of expanding my beliefs about what life can be, setting the bar higher and placing more and more trust in my creator.

My experience so far has amazingly been that life absolutely rises to meet me where I am.

That’s a good reason today for hope.

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1 Year and 1 Day Sober

Yesterday I turned one year sober. I started to write this on the actual day but couldn’t finish it because my day was so full of love, joy, emotion and amazing experiences.

I can’t even seem to put into words all that I am feeling.

To know the change that has occurred in me, to be able to see the woman I have become, to feel my heart full of gratitude for the life I know I have today because of God’s grace and the willingness to allow God to work through me, is something indescribable.

It’s never been about just not using drugs and drinking for me this time.

It’s not been about counting the days behind me that I have collected abstinent from substances that alter me.

It’s been about seeking a relationship with and connecting to this all knowing, all loving creator of everything and everyone.

It’s been about spiritual growth.

It’s been about my soul’s evolution and experiencing a freedom like I’ve never known.

The gift of willingness I have been granted, that you can’t buy or sell, has been graced upon me for what reason I do not know, but I hope to always keep, and has transformed me into the person that God intended me to be.

Today that’s more than enough for me.

Reality?

“Scientists now know the brain receives 400 billion bits of information each second. To give you some idea of just how much information that is, consider this: It would take nearly 600,000 average-size books just to print 400 billion zeros. Needless to say, that’s a heck of a lot of reality. So what do we do? We start screening. We start narrowing down. I’ll take that bit of information over there, and let’s see—this one fits nicely with my ongoing soap opera about the opposite sex. When all is said and done, we’re down to 2,000 measly bits of information. Go ahead and take a bow, because even that’s pretty impressive. We’re talking 2,000 bits of information each and every second. But here’s the problem. What we choose to take in is only one-half of one-millionth of a percent of what’s out there.”

Pam Grout
E Squared

Spiritual Solutions Along With Therapy

Connecting my mind, body and spirit has been the new part of my journey.

I’d most of the time rather not be human and live in a different dimension.

I didn’t understand or like the fact that even though I am spirit in human form, I must live as a human. To survive my past I must work through the process of how to be free from it.

Never really knowing that the trauma I’ve lived through had been living in the cellular memory of my body, nor understanding how much it owned me and my present life, I had been a prisoner to it.

I have been now working through the process of bringing to my consciousness the events that have been suppressed my whole life, through EMDR therapy.

I had many previous judgements about therapy, having little use or faith in it.

However, I have been so fragmented, cut off from so much of my human self, including my feelings and deep beliefs about myself and the world because of my experiences.

My spiritual guide said my house (human) is just under repair and the end result of this work is freedom.

Through all this I just keep on doing these things:

Trust God

Clean house

Help others

Feeling Whole

Why is it that I have felt that I needed certain people in my life, whether family, friend or lover?

How had I gotten attached to the idea that I am not okay without them in my life in some form or another?

It seems that I have been looking to others to somehow make me feel whole.

My mother’s love and approval must mean I am a lovable and a good person.

My friends wanting to be around me and share their life with me must mean I am worthy of love and friendship.

My lover wants to be with me therefore I must be attractive, desirable and lovable.

Do I not already know all these things about myself aside from what others see in me?

I was constantly looking to others to know whether or not I was okay with myself.

I was needing without knowing I was needy.

Relationships with others failed or disappointed or worse yet, had me feeling less than instead of the feeling I was seeking which was to be whole.

I was looking to feel whole in places I would never find it.

In reality, I must be whole first to ever come into relationship with others successfully.

I find all that I was seeking to find in others, in building the relationship between myself and my creator.

I finally have a relationship that will never disappointment or lead me astray, that will comfort and love me, and that will give me all that I ever need.

I am free from needing anyone to truly know who I am today.

Thank You Universe

My life today is more amazing than I could’ve ever imagined.

I have been awakened to truth.

Through this experience I have unlearned most of what I thought knew.

I have held myself back my whole life by thinking and believing small.

In reality, the sky is the limit.

I have been opened up to love deeply.

I’ve recently met a lovely person that I can share anything with and is absolutely inspiring.

I have an unshakable foundation and connection with God to weather any storm.

I work at the best place on the planet and my career is taking off super quickly.

I get paid to be of service to humanity.

Today I am free, full of hope, joyous and happy.

Thank you universe for lifting me up out of the darkness and into the light.

Friends?

I used to need specific friends in my life. I didn’t know why I loved having them around because I never took a look at why that was.

I just needed them.

I wasn’t conscious of the fact that it was usually people in my life that made me feel a certain way. It could’ve been that they made me feel safe, wanted, needed or better about myself.

Any or all of those things would do.

The point is, I kept them around to get something I needed, unknowingly.

I thought they were good for me.

I thought for the most part, they helped me.

So when they were actually harming me, I couldn’t see it.

Sometimes it was as subtle as constant manipulative influence through harmful advice or opinions.

Sometimes it wasn’t so subtle like lashing out when they didn’t get their way or just dropping me when they had something else that was more important to them.

Even though when they felt scared that someone else in my life may have been threatening their relationship with me, and they would manipulate the situation, they may or may not have been conscious to it.

Neither was I.

Did they honestly have my best interest at heart?

Or were they just unaware of what they were doing, like I was.

I would either just get over it or make excuses to myself, just so I didn’t have to loose them.

Because I could imagine my life without them.

In the same way I needed them for something I was getting out of it, they were doing the same thing.

Today through relying on God instead of people and actively working on doing all things with love, I can love others without needing them.

I can see it in others when they may be saying or doing things that could harm me because I can see it in myself.