“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”
Good luck on the next part of your journey Becky. You will be missed.
I used to need specific friends in my life. I didn’t know why I loved having them around because I never took a look at why that was.
I just needed them.
I wasn’t conscious of the fact that it was usually people in my life that made me feel a certain way. It could’ve been that they made me feel safe, wanted, needed or better about myself.
Any or all of those things would do.
The point is, I kept them around to get something I needed, unknowingly.
I thought they were good for me.
I thought for the most part, they helped me.
So when they were actually harming me, I couldn’t see it.
Sometimes it was as subtle as constant manipulative influence through harmful advice or opinions.
Sometimes it wasn’t so subtle like lashing out when they didn’t get their way or just dropping me when they had something else that was more important to them.
Even though when they felt scared that someone else in my life may have been threatening their relationship with me, and they would manipulate the situation, they may or may not have been conscious to it.
Neither was I.
Did they honestly have my best interest at heart?
Or were they just unaware of what they were doing, like I was.
I would either just get over it or make excuses to myself, just so I didn’t have to loose them.
Because I could imagine my life without them.
In the same way I needed them for something I was getting out of it, they were doing the same thing.
Today through relying on God instead of people and actively working on doing all things with love, I can love others without needing them.
I can see it in others when they may be saying or doing things that could harm me because I can see it in myself.
Thank god I have loving people in my life, surrounding me, that tell me the truth. They don’t co-sign on my crap and tell me what I want to hear to make me “feel better”.
They don’t hold my hand and placate me co-dependenttly.
That is not love.
They love me enough to risk me being angry by hearing the harsh truth from them.
If the ones I care about continually were to tell me that hurtful behaviour was okay, that I am right to be angry, cowardly, selfish and self centered, then my ego will grasp onto that and tell me I don’t need to change anything.
That I am justified in my actions.
I don’t need to grow towards anything better.
I am stuck.
But I choose those to surround myself with.
If I don’t really want truth and growth, I won’t allow people into my circle that won’t let me get away with selfish, ego driven behaviour.
If I stay stuck I do not grow.
And most of all harm myself.
“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, DEPEND upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous