The God Within

Maybe God has been listening all along.

Maybe God already has placed the perfect person in my life, right in front of me, yet I just refused to see it.

Maybe I’ve already met my soul mate but I was afraid of getting everything I’ve been saying I want all along?

I say I want a partner, a lover, loyalty, love without conditions, someone who makes me better, someone who won’t leave me, yet when that person comes along I turn them away?

Maybe I really don’t want these things.

Maybe I chase those who end up leaving me because I get uncomfortable with someone who really loves me exactly the way I am?

Someone who sees into my soul and knows the very parts that make me who I am?

Someone who sees the good in me, and accepts the “not so good”.

Maybe the intimacy that kind of person brings is the one holding a mirror to myself, showing me that I’d rather chase someone who is unavailable.

How do I know that something I thought was wrong, is actually right?

How do I know that something I thought was harmful was actually the perfect thing for me?

How does one know that?

Who makes those decisions? My friends? Therapist? Sponsor? My head? My alcoholism?

Where is God in all this?

What and who do I listen to?

What would my soul have me do? What would love do? What would self love do?

Sometimes it’s hard to know which is the voice of fear and which is the voice of love.

Awakening is listening to the God within.

Ohm
Namah
Shiviah

Nine Years Ago

Nine years ago
The day you were born
I first saw your little face
And I knew the heavens were smiling down on us

Your little fingers and toes
I counted every single one
The fuzzy hair on top of your head
My hand smoothed with a gentle touch

Crying subdued as you heard the sound of my voice you already knew
And felt the warmth of my skin
I held you close
As I whispered silent promises of lifelong dedication
To help you live your dreams

Little button nose
Soft round cheeks
Tiny lids and lashes
Your eyes finally opened

As I gazed into those baby blues
I felt the light of unconditional love that touched me at my core
In an instant I understood it all
That we were two halves of a whole

Every day I’ve seen you grow into who you are meant to be
My heart fills more and more with joy
To know you is a sacred and precious gift
To be your mother is an honor and my love for you will go on long after forever

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honoring That Voice

There is a voice inside me speaking clearly

It comes not from my head but from the center of my being

It wants me to give, love and serve others

Spirit wants me to just love and serve you

Right here

Right now

It wants me to follow where it leads

Ego wants to tell me otherwise

Oh but my past, the things I’ve done, the life I have led, the things that have happened, I won’t get what I need, everyone will leave me, I am who I have thought I was

Don’t trust

Be afraid to love

Let no one in

My story, my story, my story

Spirit says trust in me and you will be free

I am not my past

I am not that character I have played in my story

Through following the voice of my creator that lives inside me

By answering to that voice and no one else

Making no apologies for honoring the gift of knowing

I become who God intended me to be

My path becomes clearer

Purpose is revealed

I grow closer to the feeling of oneness and connection to all things in the universe

Walking through fear and constantly in trust

I find the freedom I have always been seeking

 

If I had no tomorrow

If I had no tomorrow I what would I do?

I would tell everyone I know how much I love them.

I would hug more.

I would kiss more.

I would touch more.

I wouldn’t be afraid.

I would say EVERYTHING I needed to say to the ones I needed to say it to.

I wouldn’t care what I am wearing, how much I weigh, how my hair looks or how much money I have in the bank.

I would go outside.

I would smell and touch flowers.

I would look for butterflies.

I would take off my shoes to feel the earth under my feet.

I would want to remember how the sun and wind feel on my skin.

I would sit under the moon and the stars in the night sky and hold those I love close.

I would sing more.

I would dance to my favorite music, like no one was watching.

I would be still and thank God for every moment of my precious life here on earth.

 

I need to be reminded

I have alcoholism.

I heard a speaker the other day say we should be alternately called “Amnesiacs Anonymous” because even though we can be spiritually connected and well one day doesn’t mean that we don’t completely forget everything we know the next.

For some of us, the disease has progressed to the point that we need at least a daily reminder of the nature of our illness and help taking the steps to treat it.

Sometimes we need it multiple times a day.

Life is a gift.

God wants us to be happy.

Sobriety, a day without the chains of being driven by the need to drink or use, is a gift that some never even know is an option.

We never know if we have tomorrow. We never know if others will have tomorrow.

It’s important to live in today, do what we can do today and say what we need to say today.

My sponsor said to me, “Why are you taking everything so seriously? Have fun. You can do what you want, just don’t drink or use or you’re going to miss it all.” She said a lot more than that and I’m probably paraphrasing but the point is to live each day of life while I still can.

There is no right and wrong choice to make, just choices.

Also, a mentor I met with this morning told me that if I’m always looking behind me to what has happened, I’m going to miss the opportunities, people and experiences that are right in front of me.

So as I need to remember, always and everyday, peace, happiness, serenity and God, I only find in the now.

I Am Love

Becoming conscious to the reality that I, as well as every other person on the planet, am a spiritual being in human form has been a tremendous gift.

I didn’t believe there was a God and I definitely didn’t believe I was anything other than my physical body and my mind.

Finally making the connection that I am a spirit in a human body, God is love, I am a reflection of God and therefor I am love, has transformed my life. I am spirit but I also have an ego to match.

When I stay in a state of loving others, seeking to serve and love as much as I can, my ego can’t take over and I feel loved and safe. I had to really come to a point of the maximum suffering I could stand before I could give up all my old ideas and seek this thing called God that I didn’t understand.

I guess looking back, I wanted so badly to believe in something. I just didn’t know how to get there.

I am truly blessed with the gift of knowing that today, my most important job on this planet is to let my light shine and give love to others. It’s only through the act of loving, instead of seeking to be loved, that I can ever be whole and feel one with God.