Reminders

I am constantly reminded by the gentle whispers of truth, heard in the soft breeze brushing by my ears in the midst of presence.

It’s says to me, “Remember child, it’s not about snatching all the love you can out of life, but fulfilment is found in the giving.”

When I forget, as I do regularly, that what I need to make my soul complete is not about seeking anything, it’s about giving all that I have to give, these whispers are there to remind me.

And when I follow the guidance that is provided for me, from a place found deep within, it is like a veil has been lifted and I start to see clearly again.

The direction of my steps change slightly and I find myself back on the path to inner peace.

Only then, I start to feel whole again.

Only then, I am home.

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Right Where I’m Supposed To Be

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I used to be so selfish.

If anyone else had good things happen to them I would immediately compare myself to them and be jealous and resentful.

Never grateful for what I had, it was never enough. I always wanted more.

Even with people I thought I loved, I felt this competitive nature about it.

Like everyone else was always to going to get ahead and I wasn’t.

Get ahead where?

I don’t even know now.

I wanted people to be happy, but not happier than me.

I wanted good things for others, but not more than me.

Now I feel tremendous joy when I see others grow and succeed.

I have put myself aside and I strive to help others get what they want out of life.

Where does this change come from?

It comes from the knowledge that when others succeed, I succeed.

When others awaken, I awaken.

We are all connected.

It comes from a deep belief that God wants the best for me and that my purpose on this planet is to help turn the lights on in other people.

God has granted me with a gift of being able to heal others hearts.

God will ensure that I am where I am meant to be as long I take the path suggested and I use my gift to do God’s will.

And I have a solid knowing that I am right where I am supposed to be.

Unconditional Love

I will never feel the love I’ve been looking for by seeking to get it from others. It is by giving love that I feel love.

In the phrase giving love, it hints that it is a verb, an action, not a thing or noun.

Love is in the commitment to the action of being loving.

What that looks like for me is showing up when I say I will, teaching others what I’ve come to know, telling the truth whether someone wants it or not and not having this love be conditionally attached to people’s attitudes, actions and behaviors.

I take myself, my selfish needs and desires out of the equation and do what’s in the best interest of the other person.

Because I could never get any of the things I might be seeking from another anyway, it comes from my all loving creator.

So if I need nothing from you, if you could never take anything away from me by anything you say or do, there comes the love independent of conditions.

The closer I get to knowing this truth, not by my intellectual mind but by experience, the closer I get to feeling the oneness with my creator I have been craving my entire existence.

Friends and Truth

Thank god I have loving people in my life, surrounding me, that tell me the truth. They don’t co-sign on my crap and tell me what I want to hear to make me “feel better”.

They don’t hold my hand and placate me co-dependenttly.

That is not love.

They love me enough to risk me being angry by hearing the harsh truth from them.

If the ones I care about continually were to tell me that hurtful behaviour was okay, that I am right to be angry, cowardly, selfish and self centered, then my ego will grasp onto that and tell me I don’t need to change anything.

That I am justified in my actions.

I don’t need to grow towards anything better.

I am stuck.

But I choose those to surround myself with.

If I don’t really want truth and growth, I won’t allow people into my circle that won’t let me get away with selfish, ego driven behaviour.

If I stay stuck I do not grow.

I suffer.

And most of all harm myself.

“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, DEPEND upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Knowledge and Power

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God grant me knowledge and power.

Help me to quiet my mind and see with my soul.

Allow my knowing to be clear and give me the courage and power to carry out your will.

Help me be loving and tolerant of others.

Please remove my fears.

Help me to forget everything I think I know for a new experience today.

Help me remain humble and teachable.

Help me to be in the moment so that I may experience the beauty and joy that exists all around me.

Help me to always look at the world with childlike wonder.

Keep me from retreating, holding back and being closed off from loving and caring for others.

Help me to be open to what is.

Keep me from being locked in this idea of self and see where I can be of help to those I may reach.

Allow me to release my past and who I think I am so I may grow towards who I am meant to be.

Give me courage to live in and speak truth unattached to the result.

God please just for today, replace my fears and resentments with trust and belief in your will for me.

May thy will and mine be one.

Without Words

You cannot get wet by the spoken or written word “water”.

This is a word that was created to describe the substance that is.

You can see it, touch it and drink it.

It was created to communicate what exists.

The words “love” and “I love you” are an attempt to describe the act or action of loving.

It is not a “feeling”.

By themselves, they are just words that can be heard by the ears but the words are not what can be felt in the heart.

You cannot know and feel love by the word, only by action of being loving.

Love is respectful, kind, honest, giving, unselfish, consistent and committed.

It is not greedy, needy, selfish, careless, hurtful or fickle.

If I wanted to convey love but had no language to use, what would I do?

“The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the contracts you are willing to make and keep.” Pat Allen

The Miracle Already IS

The miracle that happens for a girl like me through living a spiritual way of life, is to have another day alive and sober on this planet.

For whatever reason, I have a disease called alcoholism that is progressive and fatal. I hadn’t been able to live comfortably without putting something in my body to alter my mind for most of my life.

However, today I live free from the obsession to use a drink or a drug. Not only have I not used a mind altering substance in over eight months but I have had the most interesting and fun journey thus far.

At this point it cannot just about getting “relief”. I’m constantly shooting for happy, joyous and FREE.

And it happens.

So it baffles me that I used to deny the existence of an unconditionally loving God. According to the odds, I should be dead or loaded.

But I’m not.

If no human power can help me, no thing, job, amount of money, then my only hope is God.

So I pray every day to know God and his will for me.

Only someone like me, with alcoholism, would be granted the miracle and gift of life but then that not be enough, still be unsatisfied and want more.

This is the disease centered in self.

I have been granted the gift of life for today therefore my first priority has to be how can I love and serve God.

As long as I remember this and have gratitude in my heart, I can possibly have yet another day.

What Can I Give Today?

If I am to be anything to anyone else the best thing I can do is build within myself first.

I have found that when I know who I am, when I am spiritually connected, when I focus on the things I need to change in me, when I believe in not just who I am today but who I am becoming, I can then come into relationships with others and bring goodness.

If I don’t have love in me to give then my relationships don’t work. If I’m filled with anger, resentment and fear, that is what I give to others. If I’m filled with judgement of myself then all I do is judge others.

When I love myself I can focus on what I can bring to others, to help lighten their lives and how I can love them better. I can find more peace in these relationships.

It’s in the turning away from what I think I need to get from people and turning to what I can give to them that I find everything I’ve been looking for.

I put each relationship to the test.

What can I bring to my relationships today?

Have I done the work within myself to create loving relationships?

Nothing More Powerful Than Love

Love is the most powerful thing on the planet.

It doesn’t know space and time.

It drops even the strongest of defenses.

It pierces the hardest of hearts.

It carries us through darkness.

It heals human suffering.

More of it solves all perceived “problems”.

It reveals truth.

It connects us to the universe.

It creates life.

It performs miracles.

Give more of it today.