The God Within

Maybe God has been listening all along.

Maybe God already has placed the perfect person in my life, right in front of me, yet I just refused to see it.

Maybe I’ve already met my soul mate but I was afraid of getting everything I’ve been saying I want all along?

I say I want a partner, a lover, loyalty, love without conditions, someone who makes me better, someone who won’t leave me, yet when that person comes along I turn them away?

Maybe I really don’t want these things.

Maybe I chase those who end up leaving me because I get uncomfortable with someone who really loves me exactly the way I am?

Someone who sees into my soul and knows the very parts that make me who I am?

Someone who sees the good in me, and accepts the “not so good”.

Maybe the intimacy that kind of person brings is the one holding a mirror to myself, showing me that I’d rather chase someone who is unavailable.

How do I know that something I thought was wrong, is actually right?

How do I know that something I thought was harmful was actually the perfect thing for me?

How does one know that?

Who makes those decisions? My friends? Therapist? Sponsor? My head? My alcoholism?

Where is God in all this?

What and who do I listen to?

What would my soul have me do? What would love do? What would self love do?

Sometimes it’s hard to know which is the voice of fear and which is the voice of love.

Awakening is listening to the God within.

Ohm
Namah
Shiviah

I Wonder

I wonder if a baby bird feels fear the very first time it jumps from the branch in flight, testing its wings? Or does it know that this is what its wings are for, and never doubts the power of the wind to take it where it intends to go?

I wonder if dolphins worry that when it goes deep under the oceans surface, whether there will be air to breath once they come back to the top of the water? Or does it trust that no matter how dark the waters get, there is light and life waiting up above?

Do ants wonder why they must work together to survive? Or do they innately know that the job they have on the ground is essential and equally important as all the others?

Does a horse take death personally and wonder why it gets sick way before most humans, and that it must eventually leave this world?

Do roses that were once in full bloom, bright and vibrant, get resentful at the other infant roses in the same bush ready to open to the light, as it browns and shrivels up? Or does it know it must die for others that are part of the same whole to live?

I wonder why I worry about a life so easily set in front of me, seemly dark at times, when God lights my path every step of the way..

A Small Prayer

It’s funny how the human part of me needs much of everything. The desire for community, safety, companionship, intimacy, success, love, drive my attitudes and actions. I’m always wanting but no matter how much I seek outside myself, it’s never enough.

I play this game of life and yet spirit knows it’s just a game. It’s all just a creation, a story I’m making. It means a lot, yet it means little. How often do I go down dead end roads expecting to find a pot of gold when all there is is a dead end. An end or a beginning or both? When I can look within to find a soul that is just looking to be freed, when I let all earthly desires go like sand through my fingers, I find peace and love unconditional.

God, let me be free today and help me to stop looking for false happiness. Help me find something real, something that lasts.

Help me to know you and feel close to you, all the moments of my life.

One That Is All

A blade of grass in a golden field
A petal on a white rose in a bush
A bird in a flock flying high
A wave crashing on the shore

I am all of these
Under the believe I am separate
Not knowing I am the same
A living part of the whole

I am the ocean
and the other waves are me
I am all the petals on the rose, the whole field of grass, every bird, the sun and the moon

I am the night sky
The stars, the galaxies,
the nothingness

You will find me in the wind, the breath you take and the exhale

I am the love in your eyes,
the tears that run down your cheek, the sound of thunder, the laughter of children, the soil of the earth

I am the end and the beginning

It is in me that I find all that I seek,
because in me lies the everything that is and it expresses itself out there,
what is seen and unseen,
what is heard and unheard,
what is felt and what is not

It is all that are one
And the one that is all

When The Student Is Ready

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If we are made in God’s image, and God is everything or God is nothing, then humans are a piece of God.

Some call it “the God within”.

If our goal is to seek to know God, to feel connected, then it’s essential we strive to be close with the planet, nature, animals and…
humans.

When we are feel separate or apart from other humans, we only increase the separation from God.

The ugliness we see and fear in others is directly correlated with what we see and fear in ourselves.

Embrace and forgive yourself for the dark, for without it, we wouldn’t know light.

Without bad we wouldn’t know good.

When we can see the God in others, when we can look for the good, the beauty, the light, we can move closer into God consciousness.

Unity means we don’t do this alone, we do it together. When you ask for those you need to assist you on your journey, you will be given those guides.

It’s up to you to recognize them when they appear. It takes willingness to take the hand of those God given to you, and allow them to lead you.

Trust in God and his humble servants to not lead you astray.

Shed the old that hold you back.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Staying Out Of The Dream

I want to live in the story that I wish to create, not someone else’s. What I mean by that a reality based on a set of belief systems drummed up by the majority of humans or specific individuals. To create a world that I can live in, that’s what is essential to my sanity and my happiness.

Every day the stories told by people about what they believe is real and stories of the world going on around me constantly attempt to pull me in. It takes daily vigilance to not get lost in the fog of it all, and come back to what I know to be real, what I know to be true.

I constantly weave in and out of clarity, going into the dream and then coming back out. Forgetting and relearning, over and over again.

In those moments, when I see everything exactly as it is, it’s like a deep breath of fresh air after holding my breath under water.

I can see people acting out their incessant patterns of insanity, and without judgement, love them and let them go to be free to live their lives as they do. I can understand them only from a deep understanding of myself when I did those things and didn’t know why. I never even thought to ask why, I just did them unconsciously.

I thought I was looking for love when I really I was looking for someone to complete me, someone to fill the void that existed while on my own, someone to hold me up, someone to fix the unhappiness.

To hold onto this awareness and not repeat old patterns, there is one important focus that remains and that is to not get drawn into the dream with others, to stay firmly planted in my reality.

When I watch people search and search for completeness in the arms of another, I am reminded of why that is not the answer for me. When I see those around me looking to fill their spiritual emptiness with someone else, someone who will never be the solution, I say to myself “Thank you God for freeing me off this need to find comfort in a person, the comfort that will only ever be found by remaining close to you.”

It’s In The Actions

What I’m left with, at the end of the day, is the relationship I have with myself and God.

I now know what it means to live this human existence by spiritual principles.

I’ve been around enough now to be able to talk about it, explain it, theorize about it and intellectually know how it works.

But when it comes down to living it, right here and right now, do I actually do these things?

Do I live with integrity and honesty?

Do I lie to myself or am I honest with myself?

Do I constantly judge myself, beating myself up for meeting the unrealistic expectations I hold myself to?

Can I forgive myself for being human today?

When someone I’m faced with affects me in a way that I don’t like, do I treat them with tolerance and patience?

Do I relax into the fact that no one can hurt me or take anything from me without my allowing it, therefore allowing people to just be who they are with the security of knowing that I’m okay no matter what?

When things don’t go my way, do I get angry and frustrated, trying to manipulate and control people?

Do I accept those in my life for who they are and can I look for the good in everyone?

Is my love conditional?

Have I said what I need to say today, would my soul be at peace if I had no tomorrow?

Do I live in fear of not getting what I want and is what I think I need to be okay lie in the material world?

Or do I live in a world where things of importance or the things you can’t see, like inner peace, joy, love without conditions and freedom?

Do I focus on what I can give rather than what I can take?

These are some of the questions I ask myself daily to remind myself that I cannot intellectualize my way into freedom.

Freedom lies in the actions I take in the present moment.

Freedom lies in right now.

Inner Peace

No longer do I hold the belief that even though God may exist, God is just something that stands on the sidelines watching everything go down with little involvement in any of it.

God is absolutely everything.

I don’t believe that God can be described or comprehended by our human minds.

I believe God is experiential and felt by the soul.

Nor do I humanize God, giving God a gender, or face, or character.

I believe God transcends all of this.

I believe that I play the small part God has assigned me in a divine plan that I may never see the result from but know in the core of my being is perfect.

When I came to this knowing I could finally relax and experience a earth shaking sigh of relief.

This relief came from the knowledge that it was not all up to me to decide, manage or control and that everyone’s path was uniquely their own.

It was necessary for their own spiritual growth.

Just like mine had been my own and very valuable.

The only thing I can do is love myself and those whose lives I touch, without conditions.

I can finally relax, just be and begin to know inner peace.

And I am also totally fine with the fact that everything I believe could possibly change tomorrow.