Friends?

I used to need specific friends in my life. I didn’t know why I loved having them around because I never took a look at why that was.

I just needed them.

I wasn’t conscious of the fact that it was usually people in my life that made me feel a certain way. It could’ve been that they made me feel safe, wanted, needed or better about myself.

Any or all of those things would do.

The point is, I kept them around to get something I needed, unknowingly.

I thought they were good for me.

I thought for the most part, they helped me.

So when they were actually harming me, I couldn’t see it.

Sometimes it was as subtle as constant manipulative influence through harmful advice or opinions.

Sometimes it wasn’t so subtle like lashing out when they didn’t get their way or just dropping me when they had something else that was more important to them.

Even though when they felt scared that someone else in my life may have been threatening their relationship with me, and they would manipulate the situation, they may or may not have been conscious to it.

Neither was I.

Did they honestly have my best interest at heart?

Or were they just unaware of what they were doing, like I was.

I would either just get over it or make excuses to myself, just so I didn’t have to loose them.

Because I could imagine my life without them.

In the same way I needed them for something I was getting out of it, they were doing the same thing.

Today through relying on God instead of people and actively working on doing all things with love, I can love others without needing them.

I can see it in others when they may be saying or doing things that could harm me because I can see it in myself.

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Teachable

“If thou wilt be observant and vigilant, thou wilt see at every moment the response to thy action.

Be observant if thou wouldst have a pure heart, for something is born to thee in consequence of every action.”

Rumi

Trusted Compass

I release you to the universe
It’s arms open wide
Where peace I wish you to find
With the eternal comfort of home

As I leave you to fly on your own
Because it’s time for my own path
My final gift to you is the truth you seek
Listen closely with an open heart

Answers you seek and wish me to tell
Can’t replace the experience
your soul demands
For you to discover who you are and will be
On this brief journey called life

You are the creator of your reality
Just as your creator intended it to be
Free will is the gift you were given
Choice is the variable that leaves your path yet to be seen

This above all else is the truth you should know
Your primary purpose is to serve your creator
As we are you and you are us
Let that be your guide in all you do

Work to achieve for money, acceptance and admiration
Seeking for the objective of self
And all you build will crumble again and again
Like quicksand beneath your feet

Serve God above all else
Go within for it’s there you will find what your made of
Everything you could ever need and want
You will be blessed in miracles

Your light will explode
Igniting change for the better
Raising the hopes of the world
Leading many as you travel

Do everything with love
It will be your trusted compass
Do not fear but find courage to stand on your own
Warriors of truth often stand alone

Friends and Truth

Thank god I have loving people in my life, surrounding me, that tell me the truth. They don’t co-sign on my crap and tell me what I want to hear to make me “feel better”.

They don’t hold my hand and placate me co-dependenttly.

That is not love.

They love me enough to risk me being angry by hearing the harsh truth from them.

If the ones I care about continually were to tell me that hurtful behaviour was okay, that I am right to be angry, cowardly, selfish and self centered, then my ego will grasp onto that and tell me I don’t need to change anything.

That I am justified in my actions.

I don’t need to grow towards anything better.

I am stuck.

But I choose those to surround myself with.

If I don’t really want truth and growth, I won’t allow people into my circle that won’t let me get away with selfish, ego driven behaviour.

If I stay stuck I do not grow.

I suffer.

And most of all harm myself.

“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, DEPEND upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

The Story Of My Life

image
I have a story.

My story is of some value as long as I don’t get lost in it, as long as I don’t identify my true being with it.

It can help me relate with and connect with others. I can help people with the experience, strength and hope of surviving it.

My story can help me learn about what I want and don’t want to be today.

The mind, body and spirit are interconnected.  I am a being in human form, so I must allow myself to be human.

Whether I like it or not, I have a mind that has been conditioned by my past and that is what I want to break free of.

I no longer want to buy into the ideas I received from the world and people in it.

I don’t want to live like I am what happened to me.

These ideas about myself and others keep me in bondage.

I want to live in truth.

If I don’t take a look at where these ideas have and still play a part in how I experience this human journey, I can’t be free of them.

The work is in becoming conscious of and making sense of my past so that I may help others do the same.

I want to be free of it.

The good news is through every painful time, there is a beginning, middle and end.

Sometimes it’s just about holding on.

You Are A Hero

You are wonderful because of your perfect imperfections.

The magic of your beauty comes from the scars life has left on you.

You didn’t always believe you would have anything to give the world.

You had no idea how precious you really were.

There is hope in the tragedy of your story.

Sometimes the only sense that can be made from the ways you have been harmed is to show others that it can be survived.

From the darkest of times your spirit has turned to shine bright.

Because there is a part of you that cannot be harmed.

Your flame illuminates the way because you honour your light.

You help your fellows because you understand truth that we are not separate at all.

We are all just a tiny parts of the whole.

All together moving towards a better existence.

You are a hero.

Growing Roots

image You are the stars in my eyes

Open as the seas thousands of miles from shore

Solid as the ground the stops our fall

The soil I would grow roots in

More than just a dream that wakes me smiling

A breeze that sweeps me up into the heavens

The flutter of butterfly wings in my chest

The eloquent words I’ve been searching to find

Spoken from your mouth with such grace

A beautiful example I would follow anywhere

The soft light in a tunnel of darkness

A new blessing in my life I’ve been waiting for

All along having no doubt that someday we would meet

In the here and now is where we’ve found each other

In the present is where we find love

Love

All I needed was permission to just love

It came from the one person in this world that speaks truth to me
And I hear it
She said to just give love
No matter what the result
Without conditions or expectations
To love them even when they may not be where I am at
That what I’d been looking for was already all inside of me
That it’s in the giving of love freely
Without judgement
Without care of what anyone else thinks about it
Even if the person I’m giving it to doesn’t feel the same
Even if they don’t have the love to give like I do
It doesn’t matter
Because it’s in the giving love to others that I feel whole
I love because that it what I am here to do
Because love is what I am
Because pure love is what God is
I get closer to God the more I love
Together or not together
With you or without you
I love you with all of me

And to me that is all that matters

Loving Is The How

Though it seems that way

You are not alone

Spirit surrounds you

God is your home

 

The heart you buried

So deep within

Hidden behind iron walls

No sunlight can get in

 

Thinking you can avoid

When hiding from pain

Failing to see

That beauty lives in the rain

 

Pride tells lies

Holding on so tight

To a false sense of safety

When there’s no wrong or right

 

Open up to life

And all it’s glory

See with your soul

You are not your story

 

Denying what is truth

Afraid to speak

That’s when you suffer

Find courage when you’re weak

 

Miracles will occur

When walking through fear

Because none of it’s real

In your heart is what’s clear

 

You get what you give

Loving is the how

Forget past and future

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What’s In A Bottom?

Spiritual lessons come in all shapes and sizes, in all areas of life. So do bottoms. The problem with bottoms is that you may think you’re already there and then you go back just to find a new, lower bottom.

In my experience, I don’t really know I’m done with something until some time passes. I may be done for a short time because of the sting of my ego being bruised but then I go back for more.

Inevitably comes a time in every painful situation where the suffering out ways the benefits and therein lies a bottom.

Time away brings clarity. When emotionally removed from a situation I am able to see the truth I couldn’t see while in it.

The real lessons start to be revealed.

What do I really want? Why was I so willing to settle for less than everything I know is possible? Why couldn’t I just let go until now? What was it that drove my actions?

These are valuable questions that, if asked, are surely answered.

Being open to find the answers takes a lot of humility.

The hope is that I don’t keep finding myself in the same situations and expecting different results.

If I really trust in a power that is all loving and wants the best for me then I can let go and trust that if I move on from situations that no longer serve me, there are tremendous gifts on the other side.

The gift in bottoms that seem so sad and tragic at the time, is the growth we can attain, the self knowledge that is possible and faith in a better tomorrow in all things.

It’s only when I believe I deserve better that I attain better.

Today I surrender all to God and love myself enough to allow God to work in my life.

I just let go.