Awake My Soul

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Staying Out Of The Dream

I want to live in the story that I wish to create, not someone else’s. What I mean by that a reality based on a set of belief systems drummed up by the majority of humans or specific individuals. To create a world that I can live in, that’s what is essential to my sanity and my happiness.

Every day the stories told by people about what they believe is real and stories of the world going on around me constantly attempt to pull me in. It takes daily vigilance to not get lost in the fog of it all, and come back to what I know to be real, what I know to be true.

I constantly weave in and out of clarity, going into the dream and then coming back out. Forgetting and relearning, over and over again.

In those moments, when I see everything exactly as it is, it’s like a deep breath of fresh air after holding my breath under water.

I can see people acting out their incessant patterns of insanity, and without judgement, love them and let them go to be free to live their lives as they do. I can understand them only from a deep understanding of myself when I did those things and didn’t know why. I never even thought to ask why, I just did them unconsciously.

I thought I was looking for love when I really I was looking for someone to complete me, someone to fill the void that existed while on my own, someone to hold me up, someone to fix the unhappiness.

To hold onto this awareness and not repeat old patterns, there is one important focus that remains and that is to not get drawn into the dream with others, to stay firmly planted in my reality.

When I watch people search and search for completeness in the arms of another, I am reminded of why that is not the answer for me. When I see those around me looking to fill their spiritual emptiness with someone else, someone who will never be the solution, I say to myself “Thank you God for freeing me off this need to find comfort in a person, the comfort that will only ever be found by remaining close to you.”

Raising The Bar

The journey of learning how to navigate life here on earth as a sober, conscious and awakened human being has been challenging at times.

Now that I’ve been finally facing the things in my past that have created this character I’ve needed to create to survive on this planet and have driven my thoughts and actions my whole life, I have begun to be free of it little by little.

I wasn’t ready until my soul was ready.

With faith and trust in my creator, I am able to find clarity, make decisions and then act on them with courage.

I can decide today what it is that I want my experience here on earth to look like, and when it’s really close but not quite there, I don’t have to settle out of fear that if I don’t, I’ll never have it.

That’s been my problem my whole life. I’ve settled for almost enough respect, almost enough happiness, almost enough love, almost enough living.

Then slowly but surely the bar got lower and lower and lower until I would accept anything at all.

Finally my life and beliefs got so small that there was no room for hope.

So now I’m in the process of expanding my beliefs about what life can be, setting the bar higher and placing more and more trust in my creator.

My experience so far has amazingly been that life absolutely rises to meet me where I am.

That’s a good reason today for hope.

Why Do Some Get And Stay Sober?

No two human experiences are ever the same. There can similarities but really everyone has their own journey maybe only understood by the one having it.

As far as drug addicts and alcoholics, the mystery is how some people get sober young, some old or some never.

Some people get sober and stay sober for their entire life and some get sober and relapse, get sober and relapse.

I can’t even fully answer the question of my own journey. I often wonder what it was about me that just couldn’t get it and keep it.

Even though it has been my path I don’t regret any of it.

I try not to spend too much time “figuring it out”.

Trying to “figure it out” never helped me before.

Staying present is my biggest tool for peace in my life.

What matters to me most now is what I’ve done this far to have a new and different experience with the 12 steps and with life.

I see more now than ever before.

I am more conscious than ever before.

I have more courage, faith, belief, trust, awareness, calm, peace, joy, freedom and hope than ever before.

That is what is important to me today.

Allow It All To Be

Let down your tired walls
Release from holding tight
Melt into the warm embrace
Of truth, love and miracles

Forget all you know
Be free of old ideas
Trust what happens to be
Don’t be scared of now

Be all in
It’s what your spirit craves
Faith lies in the arms of love
Allow your soul happiness

Let out the light of your being
Give of yourself freely
Connect without fear
Freedom lies in this

Step into what’s real
If there is such a thing
You’ll get what you ask for
The universe is your playground

My Thinking Mind

I am so blessed to have had the gift of suffering and desperation so that I could be awakened to the truth. The pain and confusion of my existence up until almost eight months ago was necessary to push me into seeking to know my creator and what I am.

My thinking mind has been in opposition to my spirit the whole time. I just haven’t been conscious to it. My mind wants to replay the past, confine me to it and create scenarios of tragedy for the future.

When in truth, I am not my past nor my future.

These are just things that have happened. But that is just a story. It is not me. When I can become aware of the thoughts coming from my mind and that they aren’t reality, I have a chance to not buy into them.

The peace I have found is by staying present and ceasing to resist everything and everyone. The flow of the universe is something that I just go along with. It’s so much easier than attempting to struggle against it.

I can only be at peace when my mind is quiet and I’m fully in the beauty of the moment. I can experience true freedom.

Loving Is The How

Though it seems that way

You are not alone

Spirit surrounds you

God is your home

 

The heart you buried

So deep within

Hidden behind iron walls

No sunlight can get in

 

Thinking you can avoid

When hiding from pain

Failing to see

That beauty lives in the rain

 

Pride tells lies

Holding on so tight

To a false sense of safety

When there’s no wrong or right

 

Open up to life

And all it’s glory

See with your soul

You are not your story

 

Denying what is truth

Afraid to speak

That’s when you suffer

Find courage when you’re weak

 

Miracles will occur

When walking through fear

Because none of it’s real

In your heart is what’s clear

 

You get what you give

Loving is the how

Forget past and future

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What Do I Stand For

I used to think I stood for something

Now looking back I really fell for anything

So attached to what others thought of me

Scared of not being okay without certain people around me

Misplaced faith only in the material world

I kept my mouth shut because of being afraid that I wouldn’t get what I needed from people I mistakenly thought I needed

I did what I was told

Deep down inside I knew truth but denying it to myself kept me spiritually sick

I tried to fit in to the false beliefs of the world

It almost killed me

Today I am grateful for clarity, willingness, humility and courage

Every step I take towards truth I feel more free

I gain experience in the fact that there is a power that wants nothing but good for me

I just need to stay connected to that creative intelligence

What I focus on I magnify

So when I focus on love, happiness and miracles

Those things grow around me

I am grateful to have the life I have today

Not because of the money I have or don’t have

Not because of the people I have in my life or don’t have

It’s all because of what I have gained within me