LOST

So I’ve been watching this series on Netflix called Lost. This is the one that was on TV some years ago, where it is centered on this story about people who survived a plane crash and get stranded on a deserted tropical island.

This will have been the third time I have watched this series, as it has remained one of my favorites of all time.

I enjoy watching this series because every time I’ve watched it, in a different time of my life, in a different space, I see something new and something fascinating. I’ve come to recognize common threads that reveal the truth about who we are a human beings, why we suffer, why we seek, and what can unconsciously drive us.

It reveals the truth about what I’ve been doing to seek happiness and contentment my whole life, similar to how other humans seek, just as these characters on a show.

Characters like Jack, John, Sawyer and Kate, are always on a mission to do “something” to change their outside circumstances, with the hopes they will finally get to where they want to be. They fight and claw and scratch to get “saved” from the island, where it is apparent that they believe they will finally be happier, safer, better off, free.

The illusion of freedom always escapes them. Because no matter where they go on the island, what they do to be rescued, the small victories they win, the food and shelter they find, whoever they rescue, or whoever they kill, they always end up with yet more problems, and they get further and further away from being happy, from being free.

They run from the darkness which is depicted as the cloud of black smoke they call “the monster”, that consumes people in the jungle. Flashbacks intertwine with their present story, of things they’ve done in their old lives that haunt them.

They don’t feel safe in the jungle with the dark smoke, yet at the same time, they don’t want to live on the beach, where their eyes squint, blinded by the light of the sun.

Are these characters so different than we who suffer from alcoholism and addiction?

Is there desire to be saved so different then our desire for inner peace?

When Kate asked Sawyer why he was leaving them to go with John Lock, and stay on the island, when they finally had a real chance to be saved, He said to her “I’m doing the same thing I always do Kate… surviving.”

Is that true freedom?

Making decisions based on fear to merely survive, to just exist, compromising our truth to just stay alive?

Or is there more?

Is there another option?

Even though as the observer of the story, I can see that they just tirelessly run in circles, planning, scheming, either running from something or chasing something or someone else, never getting any closer to what it is they really want, they as characters in the story, do not see it.

Even though I know that they just need to slow down, to pause to see things clearly, and that all they need, in this very moment, they ALREADY HAVE, and all they’ll ever really need, EACH OTHER, they don’t know how to ever pause long enough, to stop to recognize it.

Whether they were together with the ones they loved, on an island or in a city, on a beach or in a park, it wouldn’t matter.

Why can’t they stop running long enough to see the beauty of the beach, the sun, the ocean waves and the coconuts that surround them, in the simple moments spent together, without constantly wanting something else, needing something else?

Why can they only relax in the seconds caught off guard, laughing and playing ping pong on the home made table made with plane parts and twine, before remembering once again that they aren’t home, they don’t have as much stuff, they don’t have as many “things” as they could have, in the way they think they should have them?

And when the THOUGHT sets in, the lightness fades from their faces, the frowns of worry appear again, and they are compelled by that thought that they must go back to planning their rescue.

Rescue from what? It appears they think it’s from the island. When after watching the culmination of their stories three times now, really what they are running from is themselves. What they run from is the darkness, the past, the pain and the disappointment of their lives.

In this series, We watch them work out these issues in their time on the island, we watch them repeat old mistakes or make new choices. We watch them suffer or heal. The ones who make peace with their lives, who forgive, who let go, come into acceptance that the rest of what they will know as life may be on the island, well… they are the ones who evolve and get free.

You may be thinking, how does this all relate to you?

Why should you care about this story?

You should care because this is YOU’RE story too.

You’re island is happening right here, your suffering on this island is optional, rescue is available TO YOU, though not by boat, by plane or submarine.

And your time is right now.

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Reminders

I am constantly reminded by the gentle whispers of truth, heard in the soft breeze brushing by my ears in the midst of presence.

It’s says to me, “Remember child, it’s not about snatching all the love you can out of life, but fulfilment is found in the giving.”

When I forget, as I do regularly, that what I need to make my soul complete is not about seeking anything, it’s about giving all that I have to give, these whispers are there to remind me.

And when I follow the guidance that is provided for me, from a place found deep within, it is like a veil has been lifted and I start to see clearly again.

The direction of my steps change slightly and I find myself back on the path to inner peace.

Only then, I start to feel whole again.

Only then, I am home.

Inner Peace

No longer do I hold the belief that even though God may exist, God is just something that stands on the sidelines watching everything go down with little involvement in any of it.

God is absolutely everything.

I don’t believe that God can be described or comprehended by our human minds.

I believe God is experiential and felt by the soul.

Nor do I humanize God, giving God a gender, or face, or character.

I believe God transcends all of this.

I believe that I play the small part God has assigned me in a divine plan that I may never see the result from but know in the core of my being is perfect.

When I came to this knowing I could finally relax and experience a earth shaking sigh of relief.

This relief came from the knowledge that it was not all up to me to decide, manage or control and that everyone’s path was uniquely their own.

It was necessary for their own spiritual growth.

Just like mine had been my own and very valuable.

The only thing I can do is love myself and those whose lives I touch, without conditions.

I can finally relax, just be and begin to know inner peace.

And I am also totally fine with the fact that everything I believe could possibly change tomorrow.

 

Facing The Hard Stuff

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As I sit on my wooden patio, the warm morning sun shining down on my face, in my favorite patio chair working on a writing assignment as part of my step 12, I am consumed by the past.

Something I try daily to avoid thinking about, as much as I try to keep it away and pretend I have no past, it’s still there.

I go through periods where I am able to be present, where I know that today I am safe, I am okay.

Then it oozes in through the cracks.

Something someone says will remind me of what happened and I realize I am not over it yet. I think I have worked through a specific resentment or fear but it pops back up like that Whack A Mole game.

As much as I want complete freedom from being affected by my past, I cannot attain it by avoidance.

I must face these events, beliefs and fears, leaning into them so that I can rewrite the story I tell myself and gain clarity.

Though I know the freedom I gain from looking at these feelings and areas that cause me pain, there’s this part of me that feels like I will break in two if I allow myself to really feel the feelings attached to my past.

The reason why I sit here on my patio in the fresh air and morning sun today, though this work is not my idea of fun, writing about the things about my life that still affect me and facing my fears, is so I can read it to someone, gain an outside perspective and ask God to remove these things from me so I can be free today.

Again my goal is to be present today.

To enjoy the moments of this precious life and find peace is what I’m seeking.

I chase it the way I chased drugs and alcohol.

I’m seeking freedom.

To enjoy the moments of this precious life and find peace is what I’m seeking.

I’m seeking freedom.

Judgement

Judgement is pervasive, sneaky and infiltrates every aspect of my thinking.

It separates me from God’s will, my truth and other humans.

Just when I think I am not in judgement of myself, it pops up in another form or area of my life.

If I do not remain present and aligned with my spirit, I constantly find myself judging my thoughts, feelings and experience.

Judgement will say:

I shouldn’t have done this.

I shouldn’t feel this way.

I shouldn’t think these thoughts.

I should be farther along than I am.

I made yet another mistake.

I don’t have enough.

I’m not enough.

When in truth there is no should or shouldn’t. There is no right or wrong.

There are no mistakes in God’s world.

That includes anything I say, think or do.

I am not supposed to see the whole picture, the end result, the intricacies of this divine plan.

I need to be where I am to get to where I am going.

I can’t build a skyscraper without the first brick.

God says I am enough, worthy, beautiful, perfect and right where I am supposed to be.

Nothing I could do could ever be wrong.

I have turned absolutely everything over to this power I do not understand yet experience every day.

My only concern is, have I loved those right in front of me the best I could?

If I’ve done that, my soul can rest peacefully.

Choose Light

Now, when I surround myself with people, I choose carefully.

I choose those who are going where I want to go or are where I eventually would like to be.

Because I am influenced by the energy of those I have frequent contact with, I always think, does their existence look like what I would want for myself?

Are they generally happy and free?

Are they always in drama, negativity and turmoil?

When I don’t know which way to go, should I take suggestions from those who don’t have the inner peace I seek?

We are like logs in a fire.

If we stay towards the burning flames, we light up.

If we are off to the side in the dark, our light goes out.

I always know where to find the light, the solution, the way out.

It’s up to me to choose.

Practice Staying Present

I am so blessed to be where I am today. The universe has led me on a beautiful path to purpose and freedom. When I finally awakened, spirit said to me that I have a job to do on this planet. At that beginning point, clouded by a loud thinking mind, it just wasn’t clear yet exactly what that was.

My being knew it was true.

The path hasn’t always been a straight one. I am always learning and growing. My mind left unchecked has taken me off course at times but thankfully by constantly working to come back to center, I get back on track.

I stay as humble as possible and learn from my experiences so I can keep evolving.

Reading The Power Of Now by Ekhart Tolle has been transformative for me. I have found that I literally awaken as I read it. It’s amazing and has helped free me from the bondage of my ego or “thinking”.

Staying present and becoming conscious to the truth, that I am not what comes from my mind, has been setting me free. Understanding that my ego can only survive if I am in the past or the future, I can observe the thoughts and feelings that come up and know that they are not what’s real.

More and more I can distinguish the difference between the voice of ego and the voice of my being. I can find peace and lasting joy by shining a light of consciousness on my ego.

It only takes constant practice of being present.

Ego cannot survive if I stay present.

It’s so simple.

Everything in the here in now is perfect… and exactly how it should be.

We are everything

I am the sun that shines in the sky

The moon that illuminates the night

The drops of water on morning leaves

The wings of butterflies

The colors of wild flowers in a field

The blades of grass waving in the breeze

The trees that stand rooted in soil

The oxygen that gives life

The atmosphere

I am the music of crashing waves on a beach

Laughter of children

A warm hug

I am love, understanding, hope, joy & goodness

I am the smile from another

The eyes that look back at me

I am you and you are me

And we are everything

 

Creating my own reality

I create my own reality.

My thoughts and what I focus on is what I see and experience in the world and that includes focusing on what I don’t want.

If I focus on what I don’t want, I manifest it.

I don’t want to be unhappy.

I am unhappy.

I don’t want to live in the past.

I can’t get out of the past.

I focus on pain.

All I see in the world is pain.

When my focus shifts away from the reasons I should be grateful, I feel like the world has been unkind to me and I am hollow.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

Putting my faith in the material world above God and growth of my spirit (money, the clothes, the job, the car, the “right connections”, the “right friends”, promotions, raises) that never worked to fill the emptiness before, I will continue to feel empty.

When I think that those things must come first for me to be okay, I am not okay.

I need to be consistently aware of what kinds of people and energy I let touch my mind and my spirit, because my thoughts become the world I live in.

What is the lasting kind of solution that makes me feel whole?

It is the reliance and connection with God.

When I focus on what I want out of life, love, acceptance, safety, inner peace, connection, hope, happiness and goodness, that is all I see.

When I put out light and love into the world, my reality changes around me and all I experience is light and love.

When I am trusting of others, I feel I can trust.

What I get is directly proportional to what I give.

It’s selfish to put my pain and suffering out into the world because, sometimes unknowingly, even if it’s writing on my blog, I suck the energy out of everyone I touch.

The ripple effect of negative thinking affects the consciousness of all humans.

The belief that my suffering only effects me is a self centered belief.

It is not truth.

Just for today, I will focus on what I want to see in the world and what I want to create in my own life.

I will be conscious of each thought, word or action I allow.

I will patiently wait for the universe to respond.

I will watch a beautiful life spring up around me.

I will hold the belief that world, with all it’s people, is a terrific place to be, full of love and hope.