Inner Peace

No longer do I hold the belief that even though God may exist, God is just something that stands on the sidelines watching everything go down with little involvement in any of it.

God is absolutely everything.

I don’t believe that God can be described or comprehended by our human minds.

I believe God is experiential and felt by the soul.

Nor do I humanize God, giving God a gender, or face, or character.

I believe God transcends all of this.

I believe that I play the small part God has assigned me in a divine plan that I may never see the result from but know in the core of my being is perfect.

When I came to this knowing I could finally relax and experience a earth shaking sigh of relief.

This relief came from the knowledge that it was not all up to me to decide, manage or control and that everyone’s path was uniquely their own.

It was necessary for their own spiritual growth.

Just like mine had been my own and very valuable.

The only thing I can do is love myself and those whose lives I touch, without conditions.

I can finally relax, just be and begin to know inner peace.

And I am also totally fine with the fact that everything I believe could possibly change tomorrow.

 

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The Presence of God

When you are truly happy,

and you look back and see that every second in your life was necessary,

that it has brought you to where you are now,

that all of it happened for a reason,

when you know you’ve learned so much from your experiences,

that you cannot be who you are without it,

that you couldn’t have orchestrated it better even you tried,

when you wouldn’t take back a single thing,

when you’ve helped save someone else’s life with a similar story because you survived yours,

when you’ve become grateful for all the joy and all the pain,

you will know the existence of a God that is pure love,

and you will feel the presence of that God in every moment.

Journey To The Truth About Love

My journey of finding out the truth about love has been life changing.

I guess I knew little about the how and the why of it because I picked up all these false beliefs along the way from the world we live in about what love looks like.

I had love categorized into the intimacy kind of love, family love and friendship love.

Forget acquaintances or strangers, I didn’t understand that I could love them as well, that everyone was deserving of love for free just because they existed.

Because our true nature is love, it’s something we inherently already are.

Maybe love is not something to understand is it just something to be.

A flower does not think about how to bloom, nor understand why, it just blooms.

When I speak of how I love others now, independent of who they are or what they do, I can see the looks on those who do not understand as I at one time did not.

Love is not something to possess or to be deserved.

Love is not something that exists to be dependant on how you make me feel, what you give to me, how you affect me nor has anything at all to do with me.

It just is all on it’s own.

The only kind of real love that exists is unconditional love.

9 Months of Days

Today marks nine months since I have put any mind altering substances in my body.

Nine months ago was the start of an amazing journey towards self realisation, that I never could’ve dreamt up.

I was lifted up out of darkness, when I could not do it for myself, and carried towards hope.

I didn’t make a phone call to a rehab asking for help. I didn’t want to live anymore. I had given up on myself and the world we live in. I was hopeless.

My creator had different plans for me, though I didn’t want it.

Thank God my story didn’t end in tragedy.

It’s been at times hard, messy, funny and absolutely beautiful, all wrapped up in one tremendous experience.

And it’s been my own unique experience.

Some things I’ve done I do not wish to do again.

My only regret in any situation so far is that I didn’t fear less and love more.

I would have never been able to get this far without building a connection with my creator, that I take with me into everything I do.

This has afforded me more happiness, laughter and freedom I’ve ever experience in all my life.

Being open to love without conditions and see that each spirit that walks this planet in human form is part of me and I a part of them, has been the greatest gift I’ve been given.

To everyone who has touched my heart along the way, I hold you and the things I’ve learned from you with me always.

Those who have loved me and allowed me to love you make this all worth it.

Gratitude

I am grateful for:

The awkwardness of first kisses
Baby blue eyes
Love songs
Dinner’s for two
Trying new food with someone I trust
Kitties
Thoughtful text messages
Hand holding
Sidewalk hugs
The moon by the pool house
Photo memories
Late night talks with giggles
Cuddling
Passionate embraces
Intimate stares
Ocean air and the negative ions from the waves
Your touching my soul
Having known you
Allowing you to know me
Experiencing even a moment of perfection
Friendship
Love
Kindness
Freedom to do it all over again