Today marks nine months since I have put any mind altering substances in my body.
Nine months ago was the start of an amazing journey towards self realisation, that I never could’ve dreamt up.
I was lifted up out of darkness, when I could not do it for myself, and carried towards hope.
I didn’t make a phone call to a rehab asking for help. I didn’t want to live anymore. I had given up on myself and the world we live in. I was hopeless.
My creator had different plans for me, though I didn’t want it.
Thank God my story didn’t end in tragedy.
It’s been at times hard, messy, funny and absolutely beautiful, all wrapped up in one tremendous experience.
And it’s been my own unique experience.
Some things I’ve done I do not wish to do again.
My only regret in any situation so far is that I didn’t fear less and love more.
I would have never been able to get this far without building a connection with my creator, that I take with me into everything I do.
This has afforded me more happiness, laughter and freedom I’ve ever experience in all my life.
Being open to love without conditions and see that each spirit that walks this planet in human form is part of me and I a part of them, has been the greatest gift I’ve been given.
To everyone who has touched my heart along the way, I hold you and the things I’ve learned from you with me always.
Those who have loved me and allowed me to love you make this all worth it.
I will give to the greater good today
I will turn away from selfish desires and be there for someone else
I won’t identify with every passing thought because it is not who and what I am
I will listen to my heart not my mind
I will trust that I have all the answers I need within me
I will give all of myself withholding nothing
I won’t try to manage, manipulate and control my environment or the people around me
I will be compassionate, tolerant and loving to those around me
I will look pass the characters people play and look for and speak to their souls
I will be gentle on myself
I will create something amazing today
I will shine light into darkness
I will give someone else hope
I won’t live in the past nor let the past decide my future
I will break old patterns of behaviour and do something different
I will learn something new
I will stay in the beauty of the present
I will slow down
I won’t rush to the next moment
I will allow others to help me today
I will allow love in
Spiritual lessons come in all shapes and sizes, in all areas of life. So do bottoms. The problem with bottoms is that you may think you’re already there and then you go back just to find a new, lower bottom.
In my experience, I don’t really know I’m done with something until some time passes. I may be done for a short time because of the sting of my ego being bruised but then I go back for more.
Inevitably comes a time in every painful situation where the suffering out ways the benefits and therein lies a bottom.
Time away brings clarity. When emotionally removed from a situation I am able to see the truth I couldn’t see while in it.
The real lessons start to be revealed.
What do I really want? Why was I so willing to settle for less than everything I know is possible? Why couldn’t I just let go until now? What was it that drove my actions?
These are valuable questions that, if asked, are surely answered.
Being open to find the answers takes a lot of humility.
The hope is that I don’t keep finding myself in the same situations and expecting different results.
If I really trust in a power that is all loving and wants the best for me then I can let go and trust that if I move on from situations that no longer serve me, there are tremendous gifts on the other side.
The gift in bottoms that seem so sad and tragic at the time, is the growth we can attain, the self knowledge that is possible and faith in a better tomorrow in all things.
It’s only when I believe I deserve better that I attain better.
Today I surrender all to God and love myself enough to allow God to work in my life.
I just let go.