Turn Over Every Stone My child

You run

From me

From everything I am

Everything you feel

You push

Me away

so far away

Out of reach of your world

You come back

Every so often

To let me know you still exist

I catch

Only glimpses

A window from the outside

You choose

Over and over again

In each moment

To stay away

I live

grow, change, laugh, cry

In a full life

I wait

While you turn over every stone

Searching to find

What is not to be found

Out there

For the day

When you know

What I know

What you gave up

I wonder

Will it be too late

Is it already

And for what

Definite answers

In a world

where definite answers don’t exist

Just A Passing Car

I saw you the other day.

I was driving down a road on a time I normally don’t, in a huge city, and you passed right by me in your car.

I don’t know if you saw me, but I saw you. I hadn’t seen you in a long time. But that day, in this big city, on that road, at that time, we passed each other.

And all of a sudden it was fresh again. The feelings I keep thinking are gone and worked through just pop up again like it all happened yesterday. I felt sadness and a sense of loss, still, after all this time.

Like I still miss you. I still can’t believe you left me. I can’t believe you chose someone else.

When we were together I never once pictured a time when you might be holding someone else at night, like you were holding me, like you are probably holding her now.

I was so sure it could never happen, like I knew the ending of a story I had read in my favorite book a thousand times.

I was so sure.

I was wrong like I’ve been so many times before about things I thought I was certain of.

Maybe this feeling will never leave. I fear it will never go away like a coffee stain on my favorite white t-shirt.

Love doesn’t ever go anywhere, even when the physical world breaks you apart from someone.

It’s all still like a dream that I woke up from, falling to floor of the truth after floating in what I thought was real. I guess you never felt the same about me as I did about you. I must have made it all up in a reality that I had created just to pretend.

I try to be happy for you.

If this is what you want, then it’s what I want. Above all else, the only meaning of true love is without conditions, which means that love doesn’t need to be returned.

Today, I want nothing from you but for you to follow your heart always, wherever that takes you.

Today you are only just a passing car in my life. Here one moment and gone the next like a stranger, like you were never even there.

That is how things are today.

The one thing I am grateful for is that I got the chance to experience loving you, even though it was one sided.

I wish you everything you dream for in life.

My love and prayers are always with you, my passing car.

Help Me God

God help me forgive the man who stole my phone today.

A phone I had for less than a month, after losing my last one to a wave at the ocean.

He doesn’t see that by harming another he is really harming himself.

Help me let go of the anger, frustration and sadness felt from the senseless act at the hands of another.

It’s just a phone, contact numbers, pictures and writings.

It just happened a few weeks ago and I dealt with it then.

I can do it again.

It’s not really about the stolen phone though.

It triggered things much deeper, like these surface things always do.

It was just the wind that blew down my house of cards.

Help me let go of the violation I feel by this latest loss.

Thank you for helping me not stay a victim but have another experience of taking my power back.

Help me to accept this and learn what I must learn from this experience and not loose faith in human beings.

Thank you for keeping me in the light and allowing me the willingness to not stay in the darkness.

I cannot do this on my own.

I need your help.

Comfort me.

Be with me.

Keep me safe.

I trust in your will.

What Actually Happened

I’m so happy you are fighting for your connection with God
Nothing would be possible without it
In that moment though
I hoped you would give another answer with that

I wanted you to say you would fight for me
For love
That you realized you didn’t want to be without me
Not because you can’t be alone
But because we had something real
I wanted you to say you have missed me
That the world seems brighter when we are together

I wished you would’ve said these things
You asked what I would fight for
I have fought for something
I fought for you and it didn’t matter

I was standing there hoping
That now it might come from you
That you would say what I needed to hear

But you didn’t
And that was my answer

Risks And Love

Sometimes choices are hard to make. Sometimes I wish I could go through life not knowing what I know. My ego would be happier and I could have the allusion of comfort.

I recently had to make a hard decision to walk away from someone I fell in love with. Making a decision to take a risk to allow myself to be open to the experience of what might happen by spending time with this person was something I chose to do.

It was scary but I decided that the risk was worth it, knowing that this person may not feel the same in the end. What then happened with my heart and spirit wasn’t a choice. It just happened because I was willing and open.

The experience was worth it. I got to feel the feeling of being in love. It turns out that the person I had this experience with was not willing and open. They wouldn’t allow love in. It’s sad.

There were points in time when they would be but then recoil back in fear of being hurt, what “they” would think and of course the unknown future. In the end, I had to decide to settle and stay stuck or to move on.

That decision was not made out of anger, frustration or hurt but out of love. I did it out of love for them and love for myself. It’s always about loving more, never loving less.

The evolution of my soul is between myself and God, just as theirs is. There’s nothing I can do to change it.

As painful as it is at this moment… I am absolutely willing to allow myself to fall in love again.

Isn’t that what life is all about? ┬áLove?