Just A Passing Car

I saw you the other day.

I was driving down a road on a time I normally don’t, in a huge city, and you passed right by me in your car.

I don’t know if you saw me, but I saw you. I hadn’t seen you in a long time. But that day, in this big city, on that road, at that time, we passed each other.

And all of a sudden it was fresh again. The feelings I keep thinking are gone and worked through just pop up again like it all happened yesterday. I felt sadness and a sense of loss, still, after all this time.

Like I still miss you. I still can’t believe you left me. I can’t believe you chose someone else.

When we were together I never once pictured a time when you might be holding someone else at night, like you were holding me, like you are probably holding her now.

I was so sure it could never happen, like I knew the ending of a story I had read in my favorite book a thousand times.

I was so sure.

I was wrong like I’ve been so many times before about things I thought I was certain of.

Maybe this feeling will never leave. I fear it will never go away like a coffee stain on my favorite white t-shirt.

Love doesn’t ever go anywhere, even when the physical world breaks you apart from someone.

It’s all still like a dream that I woke up from, falling to floor of the truth after floating in what I thought was real. I guess you never felt the same about me as I did about you. I must have made it all up in a reality that I had created just to pretend.

I try to be happy for you.

If this is what you want, then it’s what I want. Above all else, the only meaning of true love is without conditions, which means that love doesn’t need to be returned.

Today, I want nothing from you but for you to follow your heart always, wherever that takes you.

Today you are only just a passing car in my life. Here one moment and gone the next like a stranger, like you were never even there.

That is how things are today.

The one thing I am grateful for is that I got the chance to experience loving you, even though it was one sided.

I wish you everything you dream for in life.

My love and prayers are always with you, my passing car.

Inner Peace

No longer do I hold the belief that even though God may exist, God is just something that stands on the sidelines watching everything go down with little involvement in any of it.

God is absolutely everything.

I don’t believe that God can be described or comprehended by our human minds.

I believe God is experiential and felt by the soul.

Nor do I humanize God, giving God a gender, or face, or character.

I believe God transcends all of this.

I believe that I play the small part God has assigned me in a divine plan that I may never see the result from but know in the core of my being is perfect.

When I came to this knowing I could finally relax and experience a earth shaking sigh of relief.

This relief came from the knowledge that it was not all up to me to decide, manage or control and that everyone’s path was uniquely their own.

It was necessary for their own spiritual growth.

Just like mine had been my own and very valuable.

The only thing I can do is love myself and those whose lives I touch, without conditions.

I can finally relax, just be and begin to know inner peace.

And I am also totally fine with the fact that everything I believe could possibly change tomorrow.