The God Within

Maybe God has been listening all along.

Maybe God already has placed the perfect person in my life, right in front of me, yet I just refused to see it.

Maybe I’ve already met my soul mate but I was afraid of getting everything I’ve been saying I want all along?

I say I want a partner, a lover, loyalty, love without conditions, someone who makes me better, someone who won’t leave me, yet when that person comes along I turn them away?

Maybe I really don’t want these things.

Maybe I chase those who end up leaving me because I get uncomfortable with someone who really loves me exactly the way I am?

Someone who sees into my soul and knows the very parts that make me who I am?

Someone who sees the good in me, and accepts the “not so good”.

Maybe the intimacy that kind of person brings is the one holding a mirror to myself, showing me that I’d rather chase someone who is unavailable.

How do I know that something I thought was wrong, is actually right?

How do I know that something I thought was harmful was actually the perfect thing for me?

How does one know that?

Who makes those decisions? My friends? Therapist? Sponsor? My head? My alcoholism?

Where is God in all this?

What and who do I listen to?

What would my soul have me do? What would love do? What would self love do?

Sometimes it’s hard to know which is the voice of fear and which is the voice of love.

Awakening is listening to the God within.

Ohm
Namah
Shiviah

Words From A Writer

I’m a writer.
Why?
Because I say I am.
Because I believe I am.
Because I write.
Because I have something to say and the best way I know how to say it is to write it.
Not that I’m not good with being verbal, because I am.
But I’m better when I write it down.
I don’t need to be paid for it.
I do it for free.
I do it because I have a passion for it.
Because I love it.
Because I know I’m supposed to.
I write about what I know.
And what do I know better than my own experience?
What could I possibly know better than the story of my life?
What do I know better than what happens all around me?
I write about what needs to be said.
I write the truth.
Harsh at times, loving at times, confusing at times, but always the truth.
Love it, hate it, accept it or deny it.
Just know this, words hold a lot of power, written or spoken, texted or tweeted.
And these words are written just for you.
I see you.
I see your soul.
I see past the mask and the character, the shortcomings and all of your humanness.
I see myself in you, and you in me.
We are the same you and I, just decorated a bit differently on the outside.
I know you.
Maybe better than YOU know you.
And you’re very much okay.
It’s all going to be okay.
I promise.
What a better way to remind you, just in case you forget, than etching these written words in this very place, to be part of history, so when you forget you can re-read them.
You can come back to find these very words.
Right here.
Written.
By a writer.

The Answer Is Inside

I found the love I had been seeking in the eyes of others, my entire life, and that love has been found inside of me.

My journey to become whole, totally on my own has led me here, standing over the pool, looking at my own reflection ripple over the illuminated water, in this warm summer’s evening air.

Here in this space, is a place where I am completely enough on my own.

A year ago I was still needing to be seen by someone else.

A year ago I was needing a particular someone to make life seem complete. I thought if I had that, then I could be truly happy. I thought having them was the missing piece of the puzzle. I was wanting so badly to be loved but I was still lost and seeking outside of myself something that would never be the answer.

Because the answer was not outside of myself, it was inside of me.

Today I am not looking to be seen by someone else to know my worth, only my eyes matter in examining this water’s reflection.

No longer to do I need the approval or acceptance of another to feel loved or loveable.

When I wake up in the morning, I know I am going out into the day to be the person I want to be.

And when I lay my head down at night, I know I have lived and loved the best I can.

I know I’ve served the best I know how.

And on this ball of dirt and water flying through space around and about the other stars, planets and sun, the rest does not matter.

The only thing that matters is life right here and now.

The only thing that matters is love.

Excellence

I will not walk away
Nor will I run
You need do not a thing
To deserve my love

A mirror of beauty
Lighting up the dark places
With purity of heart
Brimming with angelic energy

Eyes that expose truth
Words of compassion
Courage of storybook heroes
Spirit bursting to be free

A shooting star
The rain that falls
Shelter from harm
Precious moments
Not to be forgotten

You are a piece of God
Imperfect excellence
A soul in human form
Finding your way like me