Story of the favorite shoes

But you’ve grown
Those shoes don’t fit
Favorite shoes, I know
You loved them
For so long

They were comfortable
And safe, and snug and right
The exact shoes you always imagined you’d wear
The ones you wanted
The ones you lost

For a long time you couldn’t find them
You searched and searched
But they were gone

You imagined all the places
You would go in those shoes
What you would and could do
In those shoes again

Dreamed about them,
woke up and realized
they were still gone
It was just a dream

You tried different,
wonderful,
beautiful new shoes
The best of the best,
But could not replace the shoes you lost
The ones you were set on having
All the amazing, fabulous shoes you tried on,
you just threw away

They weren’t your old favorite

Until one day,
You found those favorite shoes
Again
There they were, almost like they never left
Never were lost
On cloud nine you were, reunited with those shoes
Filled with glee
you hugged them,
loved them

But as you put them on you suddenly realized
YOU HAD GROWN
and
they did not fit anymore
You tried
to squeeze your feet in these shoes
BUT YOU HAD GROWN
they did not fit

You

Anymore

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If I Could Tell You I’d Say This…

I’m human and sometimes I do things that I’m not proud of. To expect, that even though I am seeking enlightenment, that I will ever not doing stupid things, is an unrealistic expectation.

I guess somewhere in me I still hold on to the belief that it is okay to intentionally hurt someone if I feel that someone intentionally hurt me. If I look back on my experience though, never has harming another solved any problems. It in fact just adds to the problem and makes things worse.

Even though I know deep down inside that the answer to all problems is more love, I don’t always make it to that perfect ideal. I have made decisions, based on self, that have deeply harmed others. I cannot go back and undo what I’ve done but I can learn from those experiences and strive towards something better.

I can choose to not cause anymore harm to those around me.

I can ask those I’ve harmed if there is anything I can do to make it right.

There are those who I have held emotionally hostage with resentments about things that have happened in the recent past. I have blamed others for my own incompleteness, insecurities and unhappiness. Pointing the finger at others I have said, “You did this to me”, playing the victim.

As a result of that belief, I chose to harm someone I have loved and respected, by using what I know about their weaknesses specifically to hit them where I knew it would hurt.

I knew it would be an effective way to get to this person.

And it worked.

I not only harmed them, I harmed myself.

Because I’ve had to live with it.

The reality is that nothing was done to me. Things unfolded the way they were supposed to in God’s order, and yes, I just happened to be in the story.

But I have let go of any blame. I have made peace with the story, understanding that it has all happened exactly the way it should’ve and I trust in that.

I am no longer angry or resentful, no longer do I believe their was fault to be found, no longer am I using these experiences as the cause of my my own issues.

I am happy and complete today. My life is good. Actually it is really good. I wish I could let this person know all this.

I wish I could tell them that I forgive them for everything.

This person is not speaking to me and it’s understandable.

But if I could talk to them, I would tell them that I wish for them to be happy, fulfilled and free in whatever way that looks for them. I wish for them everything I wish for myself.

I would say that they don’t need to worry about me at all, because I am great, better than great.

I would say go and be happy and know that there is always at least one person out there that loves them unconditionally, no matter what, with or without me, speaking or not speaking, forever apart or together, silently cheering them on in everything they do.

And that person is me.

Time To Move On

When I feel guilt or shame over my own actions, I am not at peace and have more of a reason to be resentful at another.

The way to ease my soul is to do what I can to amend the situation and change going forward.

Blaming others is not the solution to mend my own unhappiness.

I may succeed in getting someone else to feel guilty over something, but the reason for my uncomfortableness is not fixed or healed by another’s feelings or attitudes.

The problem still resides within me.

Forgiveness does not mean I approve or agree with another’s actions, it means I accept their humanness and am ready to allow my heart to heal.

Forgiveness is so that I can move on.

The Story Of My Life

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I have a story.

My story is of some value as long as I don’t get lost in it, as long as I don’t identify my true being with it.

It can help me relate with and connect with others. I can help people with the experience, strength and hope of surviving it.

My story can help me learn about what I want and don’t want to be today.

The mind, body and spirit are interconnected.  I am a being in human form, so I must allow myself to be human.

Whether I like it or not, I have a mind that has been conditioned by my past and that is what I want to break free of.

I no longer want to buy into the ideas I received from the world and people in it.

I don’t want to live like I am what happened to me.

These ideas about myself and others keep me in bondage.

I want to live in truth.

If I don’t take a look at where these ideas have and still play a part in how I experience this human journey, I can’t be free of them.

The work is in becoming conscious of and making sense of my past so that I may help others do the same.

I want to be free of it.

The good news is through every painful time, there is a beginning, middle and end.

Sometimes it’s just about holding on.