Staying Out Of The Dream

I want to live in the story that I wish to create, not someone else’s. What I mean by that a reality based on a set of belief systems drummed up by the majority of humans or specific individuals. To create a world that I can live in, that’s what is essential to my sanity and my happiness.

Every day the stories told by people about what they believe is real and stories of the world going on around me constantly attempt to pull me in. It takes daily vigilance to not get lost in the fog of it all, and come back to what I know to be real, what I know to be true.

I constantly weave in and out of clarity, going into the dream and then coming back out. Forgetting and relearning, over and over again.

In those moments, when I see everything exactly as it is, it’s like a deep breath of fresh air after holding my breath under water.

I can see people acting out their incessant patterns of insanity, and without judgement, love them and let them go to be free to live their lives as they do. I can understand them only from a deep understanding of myself when I did those things and didn’t know why. I never even thought to ask why, I just did them unconsciously.

I thought I was looking for love when I really I was looking for someone to complete me, someone to fill the void that existed while on my own, someone to hold me up, someone to fix the unhappiness.

To hold onto this awareness and not repeat old patterns, there is one important focus that remains and that is to not get drawn into the dream with others, to stay firmly planted in my reality.

When I watch people search and search for completeness in the arms of another, I am reminded of why that is not the answer for me. When I see those around me looking to fill their spiritual emptiness with someone else, someone who will never be the solution, I say to myself “Thank you God for freeing me off this need to find comfort in a person, the comfort that will only ever be found by remaining close to you.”

Advertisements

Feeling Whole

Why is it that I have felt that I needed certain people in my life, whether family, friend or lover?

How had I gotten attached to the idea that I am not okay without them in my life in some form or another?

It seems that I have been looking to others to somehow make me feel whole.

My mother’s love and approval must mean I am a lovable and a good person.

My friends wanting to be around me and share their life with me must mean I am worthy of love and friendship.

My lover wants to be with me therefore I must be attractive, desirable and lovable.

Do I not already know all these things about myself aside from what others see in me?

I was constantly looking to others to know whether or not I was okay with myself.

I was needing without knowing I was needy.

Relationships with others failed or disappointed or worse yet, had me feeling less than instead of the feeling I was seeking which was to be whole.

I was looking to feel whole in places I would never find it.

In reality, I must be whole first to ever come into relationship with others successfully.

I find all that I was seeking to find in others, in building the relationship between myself and my creator.

I finally have a relationship that will never disappointment or lead me astray, that will comfort and love me, and that will give me all that I ever need.

I am free from needing anyone to truly know who I am today.