What’s Behind Me

Leaving you behind is like passing someone on a freeway. For just a second we were side by side. We were in the same place.

But then I had to move on.

As I looked in my rear view mirror, I saw you behind me, appearing as though you weren’t moving. Because I was moving on so quickly, it was like you were standing still.

However instead of loosing focus, when I had distance ahead of you, I could see you more clearly.

I watch you keep taking the same exit, down the same road as before. Back around you come, and then do it all over again.

Soon I will be so far ahead of you that you will disappear from my rear view mirror, and all I will see is the open road behind me.

What I will remember is the brief moment in time when we shared that space on the freeway and the circles you drove in after I was gone.

Will it ever be different for you? Only God knows. Still I keeping driving, wondering who I might pass next.

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Baby Blue Balloon

Hold my string around your finger
for I am the baby blue balloon at the other end
Floating, striving to reach greater heights
up over trees and buildings,
heading for the clouds

One little cotton string
connects me to it all
so don’t let go too soon

Lightly I glide,
gravity no match for me
Looking down from an areal view
as if I sat on the moon,
watching giant dancing patterns
of tiny humans weave over and around each other
in harmonious disarray

The patterns from my view
are in synch with the symphony of life
as the songs change
but the music keeps playing

Is this the big picture?
Or is there even more to see?

Don’t ask me to come down,
for it will never look the same
When I return home to the ground
will I forget what I learned?
Will I forget what it all meant?
when I was high in sky
weightless and careless
as a baby blue balloon

Breaking The Cycle

Taking an honest look at my past is valuable because it can be used as my doorway to freedom.

I say this because unless I know where I came from and what those experiences taught me about the world I live in, I won’t be able to see how and why I keep recreating it over and over today.

The continual unconscious drive to keep living out the same insanity keeps me in bondage.

Unless and until I become awake to the patterns of my actions and the underlying beliefs behind them, I am unable to make new choices and do something different for a different result.

As a survivor of molestation by someone who was supposed to be my protector, I have continued out that cycle by the choices I have made in my intimate life.

What seemed “normal” to me was that the person who was supposed to protect me was actually my abuser, like a kidnapped victim falling for their kidnapper.

I couldn’t see what was actually happening.

I didn’t understand why this was happening over and over again.

I didn’t know that I was the one who was creating it now.

I have become to see this play out in my life today and now can recognise it much quicker and finally have the awareness to make new choices and take different actions that lead me towards a better existence.

More consciousness develops from this inside work.

I get closer and closer to the life I want.

That is what I call freedom.

Today I Will

I will give to the greater good today

I will turn away from selfish desires and be there for someone else

I won’t identify with every passing thought because it is not who and what I am

I will listen to my heart not my mind

I will trust that I have all the answers I need within me

I will give all of myself withholding nothing

I won’t try to manage, manipulate and control my environment or the people around me

I will be compassionate, tolerant and loving to those around me

I will look pass the characters people play and look for and speak to their souls

I will be gentle on myself

I will create something amazing today

I will shine light into darkness

I will give someone else hope

I won’t live in the past nor let the past decide my future

I will break old patterns of behaviour and do something different

I will learn something new

I will stay in the beauty of the present

I will slow down

I won’t rush to the next moment

I will allow others to help me today

I will allow love in