Surrender and Clarity

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After every period of suffering, resistance and pain lies the rainbow of clarity, if only I look up from the ground to the sky to see it.

The path to awakening, for this girl, consists of constant shifts in perspective. Often times I get stuck in a way of perceiving the world around me that is not based in truth.

I don’t even know it’s happening.

It sneaks up on me and I can’t see it, because the more my spirit evolves, so does my ego. It has to because of the laws of the universe, the yin and the yang or Einstein’s theory of relativity.

The more evolved the soul, the more evolved the ego.

My ego (basically everything that comes from my thinking) is always evolving and changing as I do, finding new ways to infiltrate, override and confuse what my soul knows.

It is not my friend.

The “problem” if there is such a thing, is not in what is, no matter what is happening around me, but always lies in my perception of what is.

So I go to my spiritual teacher to help me see what sometimes I cannot, someone who tells me the truth. Though my ego will try fight, deny or rationalize, my soul hears it. As long as I have one thing on my side, my ego cannot win.

That indispensable thing is willingness.

Willingness allows me to hear her and to have the other things on my side that save me being owned by my mind. Those things are honesty, humility and open mindedness.

I have a chance, with all these gifts, to move towards clarity, truth and freedom.

And freedom from being chained by anything or anyone, is what I’ve always sought.

Someone said to me recently that after a tough time and then major surrender, they set out to make God their everything, to get everything they had realized they were still seeking in the outside world from God.

When they did that, a transformation occurred, bringing amazing freedom and gifts like none other.

When they said that, my soul heard it.

And now that has been my new intention.

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The Change Must Come From Within

My soul aches for the lesson of you.

 

Ego seeks to control and manage against what is.

 

Glimpses of perfection hang in the air like the scent of you after your gone.

 

Brief moments of freedom when nothing mattered in the world but the two of us.

 

No clamour of the past or noise of the future.

 

My reality based on perception instead perception creating what I see.

 

Was any of it really what I believed?

 

Or was the story mine alone?

 

Wanting to make something what it will not be.

 

Sending light across time and space in hopes to heal a heart that is not mine to heal.

 

Wishing the switch to turn on the fuel to ignite your flame to burn as bright as it’s meant to be.

 

Waiting for your words and actions to mirror back at me what I feel for you.

 

Exhausted by indecision.

 

Needing to just be truly seen by you.

 

Tears fall on my pillow.

 

Wishing, wanting and needing cannot free a heart from the bondage of it’s past.

 

The change must come from within.

 

 

 

 

Creating Reality

The problem that causes all of my “problems” in this human experience lies not in truth but in my perception of my day.

My reality is based in the story I tell myself. My feelings follow from whatever story I am telling myself.

Most always, nothing changes in my day. Truth does not change. It’s the story I start telling myself from my thoughts that cause me to feel a certain way.

It comes from my judgement of events.

That judgement comes from belief systems not based in truth.

I can start to tell myself a new story.

I can tell myself any story I wish and then my feelings can change around what I see is happening.

I can tell myself wonderful stories, stories of gratitude, and create a wonderful existence.

I have the power to control my feelings.

I can tell myself that every moment in my present life is bringing me to something greater.

It lies in the connection of mind, body and spirit.

Guided by spirit, I can change what my mind thinks, my “feelings” and the reaction of my body to my thinking mind.

Being constantly aware of the story I tell myself takes practice.

If I let God in I have the power to change it all, to change my entire reality.

 

Perception

Because part of a whole is darkness do I define the whole as dark?

If pain exists in the space of a heart can joy find no room?

If choices are made can new ones travel back in time and erase what’s been?

Do I define myself by the sum of my past without considering the potential of my future?

Am I doomed to live in a world where labels, definitions, ideas, judgements, words, good, bad, right, wrong, enslave us all and I am only one of few in the lonely place with vision to see yet is not believed in?

Can there exist too much vision for one insignificant speck on the planet to handle?

Is insanity waiting to return to a mind and soul that naively perceived to have found peace or was it the cruel joke of perception that sanity never existed to begin with?

Can a path be changed that may be already written, predetermined, and must be fulfilled?