Choices

When did I unconsciously decide to start holding back again in an effort to protect my self?

It’s something I did my whole life but when I had my first profound awakening, I finally saw that the problem with having the walls up to keep out the bad, was that it came with a high cost.

It was also keeping out everything good.

I had let finally down all the walls and I allowed absolutely everything in.

As scary as it was, it was the time in my life I felt the most free, it was when I felt the most of everything.

It was like taking a leap off a cliff.

There was so much living in those moments, so many lows but yet so many highs too.

But yet again, as life happened, as it always does, ever so subtly, I starting holding back and closing off again.

I wanted to protect myself.

I chose safety over risks.

But in protecting myself, I had stopped living to the fullest like I had been.

I stopped taking those risks.

Life starting loosing the vibrance in it’s color.

I stopped living completely free in the now and tried to find a balance between acting in the moment, and being discernibly cautious.

Is there a right and a wrong way in all this?

Or are there just choices, with costs and prices to pay for each side?

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Safe And Protected

The universe always has answers all around me, all the time, to all my questions if I just open my eyes to them.

It’s like these flashing signs screaming for my attention.

When my ego is loud and I’m caught up in expectations, resistance, and personal desires, I can’t see what’s right in front of me.

The more I try to “figure things out” with thinking, the less chance I have to be connected to the answers within.

The answers will not come from my thinking.

Times of quiet meditation, just slowing down altogether and being present, is necessary for knowing which direction to go and what path to take.

In times of indecision, although it’s taken practice and I’m never perfect, I have made progress on not reacting but just waiting until I’m sure of what action to take.

When answers become clear that’s when I need courage.

Courage enables me to step out from fear and into faith and trust, that God has my back no matter what, and I then I can follow what I know to be true.

I feel the power flow through me from a strengthened connection with God when I do this and feel the presence of God all around me.

I feel safe.

It’s In The Giving

The illusion I had been chasing is that love from others will make me feel complete.

If only I could get you to love me I would feel like I am enough, safe, secure and happy.

Truth is that the amount of completeness and joy I experience is in direct proportion to my ability to give love to others.

Ego says be careful who you love.

Spirit says everyone is loveable.

Ego says love must be earned or deserved.

Spirit says I need nothing from you to love you.

Ego says withhold love in protection.

Spirit says love more and you will never feel harmed.

This is the kind of unconditional love doesn’t need anything in return.

It is pure.

It is lasting.

It is an unshakeable foundation for living.

The Space Between You And I

God exists not only in each one of us but in the space between you and I.

I cannot claim to want to experience intimacy if I cannot give up trying to protect myself.

The two cannot coexist.

I can only be in true connection with myself, God and others, when I truly allow myself to be vulnerable.

I can only be free when I stop trying to control the universe which will not be controlled.

My soul WILL evolve whether my ego likes it or not.

I will choose to be free.