Ugh why?

I have many shortcomings. One of which is being deep, about everything, all the time. It’s so hard for me to be light. To not spiral up or down about everything. I know that about myself. I scare people away with it sometimes, a lot of the time actually. It’s like with me it’s black or white. Like I can’t just let things be what they are and not think days, months or years ahead. Or I can’t not dissect every little thing and make permanent decisions based on temporary thoughts or feelings. Even after all this time of working on becoming self aware, there is still so much to learn! Someone asked me today why I completely turn my back and walk away from people I care about. She said life is short. We are only here for a minute so why would I do that? ¬†She said it seems that I can’t deal directly with people to work things out, that I avoid. It’s so true. I ask God today to relieve me of this defect and free me from my never ending stream of thoughts, opinions and fears, so that I may have a different experience on the planet.

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Release and Surrender

I can feel the release in my body when surrender comes.

It’s like I don’t even know how much has actually built up until the point that I finally let go.

I release my reality to God, to the universe.

Tears normally come and I say “God please help me. Help to know and follow your will for me. Whatever that may be or whatever that looks like, give me the strength and courage to follow you in times where I feel powerless, lost and tired of trying to do it on my own.”

My shoulders drop and I plead with complete and utter humility.

When the surrender comes, then there can be recovery, in any area of my life.

Room is made for a new power to flow in, the power of God I allow to channel through me.

In those moments, I know what miracles feel like.