Choices

When did I unconsciously decide to start holding back again in an effort to protect my self?

It’s something I did my whole life but when I had my first profound awakening, I finally saw that the problem with having the walls up to keep out the bad, was that it came with a high cost.

It was also keeping out everything good.

I had let finally down all the walls and I allowed absolutely everything in.

As scary as it was, it was the time in my life I felt the most free, it was when I felt the most of everything.

It was like taking a leap off a cliff.

There was so much living in those moments, so many lows but yet so many highs too.

But yet again, as life happened, as it always does, ever so subtly, I starting holding back and closing off again.

I wanted to protect myself.

I chose safety over risks.

But in protecting myself, I had stopped living to the fullest like I had been.

I stopped taking those risks.

Life starting loosing the vibrance in it’s color.

I stopped living completely free in the now and tried to find a balance between acting in the moment, and being discernibly cautious.

Is there a right and a wrong way in all this?

Or are there just choices, with costs and prices to pay for each side?

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Judgement

Judgement is pervasive, sneaky and infiltrates every aspect of my thinking.

It separates me from God’s will, my truth and other humans.

Just when I think I am not in judgement of myself, it pops up in another form or area of my life.

If I do not remain present and aligned with my spirit, I constantly find myself judging my thoughts, feelings and experience.

Judgement will say:

I shouldn’t have done this.

I shouldn’t feel this way.

I shouldn’t think these thoughts.

I should be farther along than I am.

I made yet another mistake.

I don’t have enough.

I’m not enough.

When in truth there is no should or shouldn’t. There is no right or wrong.

There are no mistakes in God’s world.

That includes anything I say, think or do.

I am not supposed to see the whole picture, the end result, the intricacies of this divine plan.

I need to be where I am to get to where I am going.

I can’t build a skyscraper without the first brick.

God says I am enough, worthy, beautiful, perfect and right where I am supposed to be.

Nothing I could do could ever be wrong.

I have turned absolutely everything over to this power I do not understand yet experience every day.

My only concern is, have I loved those right in front of me the best I could?

If I’ve done that, my soul can rest peacefully.

Forgiveness

Make no mistake you asked for all of this. The all loving universe responded to your wish as it always does when we set intentions.

This thing, this lesson, this growth, whether your ego agrees or not, likes it or not, is what your soul desires.

And the soul always wins.

The quicker you stop resisting and seek answers from within, and follow what your soul already knows but wants you to remember, the quicker the lesson with be over.

To thine own self be true.

Do without judgement for God does not judge.

You need not forgiveness from Him because nothing you could ever do is wrong in His eyes.

You need forgive yourself for it is in the dark place called your mind that the concept of right and wrong exists.

It is a construct of the human ego.

So the question is:

Can you forgive yourself?