Letting Go

One thing I’ve discovered about myself is that I have a high capacity for justification. I can invariably hurt people and not see it. I lie to myself. I always have truth deep within me, but sometimes I’m far from admitting it. If I tell myself the truth, then I have to change. And if I don’t want to change, I continue to lie to myself and blame others.

I think I’m taking the easier, softer way by not having to courage to walk away from situations that are harmful to others, but really it’s because of my own selfishness. I don’t want to leave the comfort I get from someone’s attention, someone’s love, and I stay because I don’t want to be alone.

There will always come a time when the truth finds me, and I can no longer continue to live the lie. The people around me retaliate to my actions and it’s time to do the right thing.

Sometimes the right thing means walking away, freeing others from the hold I have on them. Loving them enough to allow them to finally find what they need, when I know it’s certainly not me.

The answer is always in loving more, loving myself and others. Letting go and moving on frees me from the suffering I create.

What is my choice to be?

Advertisements

Friendship

The truth is that what I miss the most, is the friendship we had.

Like when something great or something terrible happened, you were the first one I wanted to call.

I wanted to share the things I learned with you, because I knew you would always understand exactly what I was saying, like we spoke the same language.

I wanted to teach you the things I was taught.

Most of the time when I couldn’t put the things I wanted to say into words, I didn’t need to, because you always got it, just by the look in my eyes or the unspoken feeling expressed all over my face.

You would look at me and I knew it made sense to you.

I knew you would recognize the significance in the things we shared, that you shared the same passion for truth as I did.

The friendship I valued got overshadowed by worldly desires, complications, distractions and people that wanted to pull us apart.

Fear, selfishness, ambitions, pride and all things of ego destroyed the beauty that was not of this world, until there was nothing left but shreds of something unrecognizable.

And the rest of the story, as the story always goes on, is unwritten.

But my hope is that what is unwritten, is something not of darkness anymore, but that it is of the light.

Because there is always room for hope.

Always.

What Actually Happened

I’m so happy you are fighting for your connection with God
Nothing would be possible without it
In that moment though
I hoped you would give another answer with that

I wanted you to say you would fight for me
For love
That you realized you didn’t want to be without me
Not because you can’t be alone
But because we had something real
I wanted you to say you have missed me
That the world seems brighter when we are together

I wished you would’ve said these things
You asked what I would fight for
I have fought for something
I fought for you and it didn’t matter

I was standing there hoping
That now it might come from you
That you would say what I needed to hear

But you didn’t
And that was my answer