Teaching Angels To Fly

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In the world of recovery, as with my job and with my personal life in the program, people often come and go into my life.

I take women under my wing.

I like to say that I teach angels how to fly.

I help them put on the training wheels and give them a little push.

Some touch my heart more than others.

Instead of focusing on the painful goodbyes, I focus on the beauty and light they shed in my life during the brief time I had them with me.

They each bring something unique with them and leave me with sacred memories.

One in particular is out there suffering right now and I cannot help her because the only help she needs can come from her connection with her creator.

A few days ago we were laughing and having fun being silly and then next thing I know she is lost to this disease and gone.

Every time I have the memory of the last time I saw her face flash before me in my mind, so broken and so lost, I pray for her and hope that someday she follows the light to guide her home.

I love you Liz.

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Honoring This Gift

In this period of completing a year sober, I look back on all the people who had at one point been on this journey with me but did not make it.

They have just fallen away from my life, usually back into drugs and alcohol.

I often wonder why me?

I constantly ask God what is it that I’m meant to do on this planet.

I must have a purpose.

Sometimes I feel solid in knowing what that is.

Sometimes I feel lost and I don’t know what God wants from me.

That’s when I’m pushed into seeking more.

At all times when I’m brought to my knees by confusion, lack of answers, loss of direction, sadness and pain, as long as I stay close to my creator, there is the other side awaiting me.

On the other side is more self knowledge, more consciousness and always there is more love.

Whatever the reasons I am still here are, above all else, I honor this gift of life and sobriety today.

Unconditional Love

I will never feel the love I’ve been looking for by seeking to get it from others. It is by giving love that I feel love.

In the phrase giving love, it hints that it is a verb, an action, not a thing or noun.

Love is in the commitment to the action of being loving.

What that looks like for me is showing up when I say I will, teaching others what I’ve come to know, telling the truth whether someone wants it or not and not having this love be conditionally attached to people’s attitudes, actions and behaviors.

I take myself, my selfish needs and desires out of the equation and do what’s in the best interest of the other person.

Because I could never get any of the things I might be seeking from another anyway, it comes from my all loving creator.

So if I need nothing from you, if you could never take anything away from me by anything you say or do, there comes the love independent of conditions.

The closer I get to knowing this truth, not by my intellectual mind but by experience, the closer I get to feeling the oneness with my creator I have been craving my entire existence.

Back to Center

Today was absolutely beautiful.

Part of it was that I had the honor of speaking at a local treatment center for alcohol and drug addiction.

I am an observer.

I watch people.

As I looked around and watched everyone before the meeting, some laughing and joking, some solemn, some scared, I felt full. I saw a room full of people looking for a solution.

I felt hopeful.

I always take time to say a silent prayer before I speak, asking for God to speak through me, to not speak from ego and for God to allow me to speak truth to these people.

I ask that I say something that at least one person would hear to be of help.

I ask that I can touch people at a soul level.

It was an absolutely amazing experience to finish speaking and see people light up, newly sober, and want to share their truth.

To feel the outpouring of love and gratitude from this group of people is incomparable.

To connect with others, be real, share on an honest level and watch everyone open up, is why I continue to do what I do.

There is nothing like being a part of raising consciousness.

I feel purposeful.

I feel closer to God.

Still raw and vulnerable from events of this week, I so needed this today.

I needed to come back to center.

Thank you God.

Thank You Universe

My life today is more amazing than I could’ve ever imagined.

I have been awakened to truth.

Through this experience I have unlearned most of what I thought knew.

I have held myself back my whole life by thinking and believing small.

In reality, the sky is the limit.

I have been opened up to love deeply.

I’ve recently met a lovely person that I can share anything with and is absolutely inspiring.

I have an unshakable foundation and connection with God to weather any storm.

I work at the best place on the planet and my career is taking off super quickly.

I get paid to be of service to humanity.

Today I am free, full of hope, joyous and happy.

Thank you universe for lifting me up out of the darkness and into the light.

Out of Self

When I am suffering, the answer may seem to be to delve into “self” and go into past stories of my life to find the answer to my problem. Some may say we need to “process” what we’ve been through to get to a state of well being.

Yet my problem is of a spiritual nature.

And every spiritual teaching tells us that the answer is to get out of self.

The idea of self is just ego trying to create separation between ourselves, God and others.

The more I go into my story, my past, my own suffering, I just get more of the same.

When we get out of self, remember that we are not separate at all, we finally feel the oneness with all that is created.

We know we are just a part of the same whole.

We find relief in giving more love to others, taking less interest in our own selfish wants and desires.

We find we are understood only in the understanding of others.

However we cannot fully understand and accept others until we love them unconditionally first.

We find comfort in comforting others.

The peace and comfort I wish to find is never in the seeking for myself.

Today my only goal is to be loving to those in my life.

I never know if I’ll have a tomorrow.

Knowledge and Power

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God grant me knowledge and power.

Help me to quiet my mind and see with my soul.

Allow my knowing to be clear and give me the courage and power to carry out your will.

Help me be loving and tolerant of others.

Please remove my fears.

Help me to forget everything I think I know for a new experience today.

Help me remain humble and teachable.

Help me to be in the moment so that I may experience the beauty and joy that exists all around me.

Help me to always look at the world with childlike wonder.

Keep me from retreating, holding back and being closed off from loving and caring for others.

Help me to be open to what is.

Keep me from being locked in this idea of self and see where I can be of help to those I may reach.

Allow me to release my past and who I think I am so I may grow towards who I am meant to be.

Give me courage to live in and speak truth unattached to the result.

God please just for today, replace my fears and resentments with trust and belief in your will for me.

May thy will and mine be one.

You Are A Hero

You are wonderful because of your perfect imperfections.

The magic of your beauty comes from the scars life has left on you.

You didn’t always believe you would have anything to give the world.

You had no idea how precious you really were.

There is hope in the tragedy of your story.

Sometimes the only sense that can be made from the ways you have been harmed is to show others that it can be survived.

From the darkest of times your spirit has turned to shine bright.

Because there is a part of you that cannot be harmed.

Your flame illuminates the way because you honour your light.

You help your fellows because you understand truth that we are not separate at all.

We are all just a tiny parts of the whole.

All together moving towards a better existence.

You are a hero.

Sky Full Of Stars

I watch you from across the room

The way you walk

The way you smile

How you interact with others

How intently you listen

The determination in the way you are of service to others

How much you authentically care about other humans

The humility you exude

It’s no coincidence that are stories are parallel

That our paths have crossed

You know what it’s like to have this thing called sobriety and then loose it all… again

And to never want to go back there

So I watch you push on towards the light with passion

Then you look over my way and smile at me

It tells me everything I need to know

That you are amazing

Spiritual High

Today has been the best day ever!

It’s only 3:05pm.

It doesn’t happen all that often thank God but it seems that the few times lately when I don’t want to do things or go places I get the biggest surprises.

I just show up, try and be as present as I can, say yes to any way I am asked to be of service and give love to my fellows.

I get to meet amazing, evolved new friends and get to feel truly connected to the world and the people around me.

I feel a part of.

All I have to do is just be and God does the rest.

Just by being present and loving, the world unfolds right in front of me.

There is absolutely no substitute for a spiritual high.

It is breathtaking.

Embrace the day!