The God Within

Maybe God has been listening all along.

Maybe God already has placed the perfect person in my life, right in front of me, yet I just refused to see it.

Maybe I’ve already met my soul mate but I was afraid of getting everything I’ve been saying I want all along?

I say I want a partner, a lover, loyalty, love without conditions, someone who makes me better, someone who won’t leave me, yet when that person comes along I turn them away?

Maybe I really don’t want these things.

Maybe I chase those who end up leaving me because I get uncomfortable with someone who really loves me exactly the way I am?

Someone who sees into my soul and knows the very parts that make me who I am?

Someone who sees the good in me, and accepts the “not so good”.

Maybe the intimacy that kind of person brings is the one holding a mirror to myself, showing me that I’d rather chase someone who is unavailable.

How do I know that something I thought was wrong, is actually right?

How do I know that something I thought was harmful was actually the perfect thing for me?

How does one know that?

Who makes those decisions? My friends? Therapist? Sponsor? My head? My alcoholism?

Where is God in all this?

What and who do I listen to?

What would my soul have me do? What would love do? What would self love do?

Sometimes it’s hard to know which is the voice of fear and which is the voice of love.

Awakening is listening to the God within.

Ohm
Namah
Shiviah

Togetherness

Wrapped in strong arms

Holding me tightly

Against your skin I melt

Into the center of your soul

Head tucked under your chin

A gentle touch across my back

Looking up to meet eyes of golden brown

As you look back into mine

My breath is taken from me

Warmth radiates within

In awe of true connection

The essence of beauty

Existing in moments like these

Perfection living in this togetherness

Two souls merge into one

God Either Is Or Isn’t

“God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn’t.”
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

I could read something 1000 times but until I was ready to really hear it, I just couldn’t fully grasp what it meant. Years of seeking to find answers, to find truth, to find the path to be what my soul always knew I was, has led to me the understanding I hold today for what this truly means.

My soul yearned to know it’s potential but I was driven by ego.

I used to wonder why there was a need for darkness, for sadness, for pain and deny that there was a purpose for it’s existence. Now I understand that we cannot know and experience the beauty and power of the light we are without the existence of everything we’re not.

We have to experience the opposite of what we are to know who we want to be.

God is the darkness and the light, the tragedy and the joy, the hope and the suffering. God is just as much you and I, as he is each grain of sand on the beach.

God is in every moment, song, sign on the street, word or whisper spoken.

God is in the tears spilling from our eyes, the laughter, the pain, the joy and even the heartache.

To deny any of this would be to deny the existence of God.

To shelter ourselves from people, relationships, connection, trust and love, of our own will, is to shelter ourselves from God.

Today I understand that I must live, really live, to ever become what my soul yearns to become.

That is what God wants for me.

That is what God wants for you too.

Surrender and Clarity

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After every period of suffering, resistance and pain lies the rainbow of clarity, if only I look up from the ground to the sky to see it.

The path to awakening, for this girl, consists of constant shifts in perspective. Often times I get stuck in a way of perceiving the world around me that is not based in truth.

I don’t even know it’s happening.

It sneaks up on me and I can’t see it, because the more my spirit evolves, so does my ego. It has to because of the laws of the universe, the yin and the yang or Einstein’s theory of relativity.

The more evolved the soul, the more evolved the ego.

My ego (basically everything that comes from my thinking) is always evolving and changing as I do, finding new ways to infiltrate, override and confuse what my soul knows.

It is not my friend.

The “problem” if there is such a thing, is not in what is, no matter what is happening around me, but always lies in my perception of what is.

So I go to my spiritual teacher to help me see what sometimes I cannot, someone who tells me the truth. Though my ego will try fight, deny or rationalize, my soul hears it. As long as I have one thing on my side, my ego cannot win.

That indispensable thing is willingness.

Willingness allows me to hear her and to have the other things on my side that save me being owned by my mind. Those things are honesty, humility and open mindedness.

I have a chance, with all these gifts, to move towards clarity, truth and freedom.

And freedom from being chained by anything or anyone, is what I’ve always sought.

Someone said to me recently that after a tough time and then major surrender, they set out to make God their everything, to get everything they had realized they were still seeking in the outside world from God.

When they did that, a transformation occurred, bringing amazing freedom and gifts like none other.

When they said that, my soul heard it.

And now that has been my new intention.

A Light In The Dark

This is a brilliant parable from Neale Walsch’s Conversations With God in book 1.

This book has changed my life.

“There once was a soul who knew itself to be the light. This was a new soul, and so, anxious for experience. “I am the light,” it said. “I am the light.” Yet all the knowing of it and all the saying of it could not substitute for the experience of it. And in the realm from which this soul emerged, there was nothing but the light. Every soul was grand, every soul was magnificent, and every soul shone with the brilliance of My awesome light. And so the little soul in question was as a candle in the sun. In the midst of the grandest light—of which it was a part—it could not see itself, nor experience itself as Who and What it Really Is.

Now it came to pass that this soul yearned and yearned to know itself. And so great was its yearning that I one day said, “Do you know, Little One, what you must do to satisfy this yearning of yours?”

“Oh, what, God? What? I’ll do anything!” The little soul said.
“You must separate yourself from the rest of us,” I answered, “and then you must call upon yourself the darkness.

“What is the darkness, o Holy One?” the little soul asked.
“That which you are not,” I replied, and the soul understood.
And so this the soul did, removing itself from the All, yea, going even unto another realm. And in this realm the soul had the power to call into its experience all sorts of darkness. And this it did.

Yet in the midst of all the darkness did it cry out, “Father, Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?” Even as have you in your blackest times. Yet I have never forsaken you, but stand by you always, ready to remind you of Who You Really Are; ready, always ready, to call you home.
Therefore, be a light unto the darkness, and curse it not.

And forget not Who You Are in the moment of your encirclement by that which you are not. But do you praise to the creation, even as you seek to change it.

And know that what you do in the time of your greatest trial can be your greatest triumph. For the experience you create is a statement of Who You Are-and Who You Want to Be.”