Leaves on a tree

Soulmates are like leaves on the branch of a tree.

All leaves are from the one tree but the ones on a specific branch are the ones closest.

These souls from the same branch meet again and again in different lifetimes.

Often one will recognize the other, but sometimes it’s only the one, and the other does not or cannot see.

It is up to each soul when confronted with the other to recognize it but also it matters most what they do with it.

Sometimes fear will get in the way and as a result the souls never fulfill their destiny.

One knows it, the other chooses to walk away, missing out on following through with the union.

Great heart break is felt by the soul who is awakened, great suffering is felt by the one who is not.

Either way, the soul will keep repeating the meeting again and again, lifetime after lifetime, until it chooses to open its eyes to the truth.

 

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Tears In The Background

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My latest lesson has been uncovering the truth about the pain that has been unacknowledged by me, over the separation from my children the past 2 years. I have been unwilling to look at it and let it in, so therefore it has been just haunting me.

In my eyes, under every smile, every laugh, has been a sign of mourning and sadness. No matter what I do, it’s there.

There are times when I understand that this is my life. There are times when I know that my children have their own autonomous path that may or may not include me daily.

I trust God.

Yet there are most times when my heavy heart aches because they aren’t near.

Tears aren’t far from my eyes at any given moment.

I want to find freedom from this suffering so I wrote a letter to God about this recently and went over it with my spiritual guide. We talked about how to get into solution concerning this pain.

We talked about loving my clients the way I would love my kids. Giving the women I care for the same love I express with my children. Because in all reality they are no different than my kids. If I wasn’t the mom in this story, would I believe they deserved any less love than my boys?

Loving my clients, or anyone in my life, is loving my children. When I love others I am helping make the planet a better place for my kids. We are all connected.

For some reason this helps relieve my suffering.

When I can see everyone as “one life” then the way I act to different people is exactly the same. Ego is the only thing that causes me to act differently depending on who is in front of me.

Ego is what is suffering from being apart from my boys.

I want to live in spirit.

I want to be the mom God intended me to be.

The Puzzle

Can I tell you a story?

It’s about a girl who came into this world with the purpose of remembering what she was here to do.

She came from a different dimension, another world and
chose this life, these parents, this place, to fulfill a destiny.

She yearned to know the experience of what it is like to be human.

As time went on, instead of remembering where and from whom she came from and was also equally was a part of it, therefore possessed the ability to create anything she could dream up, she just forgot more and more.

The feeling of separation from where she came from grew and grew as a result of this human character that she created, in an effort to protect her from things that happened to her.

She suffered greatly on this earth for a long time until she could no longer stand the suffering.

She thought she wanted to die but in reality it was her soul wishing for the death of the human part of her.

Eventually that human part cracked just enough to allow an awakening to occur.

Suddenly she saw the world in a different light.

She started to remember.

An outstanding idea presented itself. She could end her suffering, she could just stop resisting.

Like a child with her nose pressed up against a puzzle, therefore not even noticing that it is in fact a puzzle, she could not see that the puzzle pieces created a whole entire image. The pieces being everything that has happened in and around her in her life, and in this world.

As she backed away from the puzzle a breathtaking image of perfection appeared.

Another idea came to her.

Even though at close range she could see how the pieces fit together so perfectly, so effortlessly, just maybe there was more to see, like a puzzle inside of a piece of a much larger puzzle.

A puzzle so large that she might never be able to back away from it enough to see the whole of it.

And for once, that was okay with her.

She was okay with not seeing it all, not knowing it all because there was clearly a divine plan that could, made by the ultimate designer of it all.

If something beyond her comprehension could create such a perfect and beautiful plan, maybe, she just might, be able to place her trust in that. Like allowing yourself to fall into a net that was built to hold you up, and resting in the comfort of the safety of that net.

It was then that stopped resisting.

That was the beginning of this girl letting go.

Bless Every “Hard” Experience

In times of suffering and struggle, when we perceive things as bad, wrong, or not how they should be, there are always hidden gifts to be found.

For example, when some of my past relationships had ended, I had a hard time letting go.

With each one, I held onto the pain and confusion having no idea what was behind the inability to let go.

Intellectually I knew that these relationships weren’t working.

Intellectually, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted.

What my mind was telling me was that I missed them terribly because I loved them and getting over it was just a waiting game.

It wasn’t until the last relationship ended that through finally honestly asking God for knowledge and power in this area of my life, had I been granted the gift of awareness that what I really was needing was to work on facing these painful things that were holding me back from a new level of freedom.

I wasn’t awake to the fact that while I loved these people, what I was really missing were those opportunities to loose myself in something else, using them to distract myself from, and avoid the things that at the time were too painful to deal with from within myself.

And that was when I became free of it.

It wasn’t the specific person at all.

My soul was finally ready for this deeper understanding.

My soul was ready to face these things I needed to be free from.

I never would’ve seen this while I was in it.

I thank God for the opportunity through pain and suffering for the chance to know him and myself better.

Seconds and Inches

Life happens in seconds and inches.

Just one moment before or one moment after and we may miss or we may catch things.

Results from either determine our path as well as others.

Just when I think there couldn’t possibly be a reason for the way life seems to be going, I just can’t seem understand it, I am reminded as to why every second in this life is purposeful to the greater good.

When I feel I can’t let go of something, someone comes a long into my life and then it all makes sense.

When I least expect it, when I’m not even looking, something happens when I look into another’s eyes and it all makes sense.

I am reminded of how I got here, to this moment, to this experience.

I am reminded of the gifts that rain down from above as a result of being true to myself.

I am reminded of why moving through and into the pain carries great rewards.

Staying the course and moving towards love, towards God, grants miraculous events to come.

Out of Self

When I am suffering, the answer may seem to be to delve into “self” and go into past stories of my life to find the answer to my problem. Some may say we need to “process” what we’ve been through to get to a state of well being.

Yet my problem is of a spiritual nature.

And every spiritual teaching tells us that the answer is to get out of self.

The idea of self is just ego trying to create separation between ourselves, God and others.

The more I go into my story, my past, my own suffering, I just get more of the same.

When we get out of self, remember that we are not separate at all, we finally feel the oneness with all that is created.

We know we are just a part of the same whole.

We find relief in giving more love to others, taking less interest in our own selfish wants and desires.

We find we are understood only in the understanding of others.

However we cannot fully understand and accept others until we love them unconditionally first.

We find comfort in comforting others.

The peace and comfort I wish to find is never in the seeking for myself.

Today my only goal is to be loving to those in my life.

I never know if I’ll have a tomorrow.

Friends and Truth

Thank god I have loving people in my life, surrounding me, that tell me the truth. They don’t co-sign on my crap and tell me what I want to hear to make me “feel better”.

They don’t hold my hand and placate me co-dependenttly.

That is not love.

They love me enough to risk me being angry by hearing the harsh truth from them.

If the ones I care about continually were to tell me that hurtful behaviour was okay, that I am right to be angry, cowardly, selfish and self centered, then my ego will grasp onto that and tell me I don’t need to change anything.

That I am justified in my actions.

I don’t need to grow towards anything better.

I am stuck.

But I choose those to surround myself with.

If I don’t really want truth and growth, I won’t allow people into my circle that won’t let me get away with selfish, ego driven behaviour.

If I stay stuck I do not grow.

I suffer.

And most of all harm myself.

“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, DEPEND upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

What’s In A Bottom?

Spiritual lessons come in all shapes and sizes, in all areas of life. So do bottoms. The problem with bottoms is that you may think you’re already there and then you go back just to find a new, lower bottom.

In my experience, I don’t really know I’m done with something until some time passes. I may be done for a short time because of the sting of my ego being bruised but then I go back for more.

Inevitably comes a time in every painful situation where the suffering out ways the benefits and therein lies a bottom.

Time away brings clarity. When emotionally removed from a situation I am able to see the truth I couldn’t see while in it.

The real lessons start to be revealed.

What do I really want? Why was I so willing to settle for less than everything I know is possible? Why couldn’t I just let go until now? What was it that drove my actions?

These are valuable questions that, if asked, are surely answered.

Being open to find the answers takes a lot of humility.

The hope is that I don’t keep finding myself in the same situations and expecting different results.

If I really trust in a power that is all loving and wants the best for me then I can let go and trust that if I move on from situations that no longer serve me, there are tremendous gifts on the other side.

The gift in bottoms that seem so sad and tragic at the time, is the growth we can attain, the self knowledge that is possible and faith in a better tomorrow in all things.

It’s only when I believe I deserve better that I attain better.

Today I surrender all to God and love myself enough to allow God to work in my life.

I just let go.

No Matter What

If there is one thing I know to be true

On this journey towards the light

The one thing I need to always honor

To be able to live on this earth without needing to reach for something to quiet my mind

Is to live in and speak up for truth

No matter what the world thinks

No matter what those around me think

Whether people leave me or don’t leave me

Whether people like it or don’t like it

I answer to my creator

I need to have the courage to carry the message of truth

I need to stand in the light of solution

I need to speak up about God, that all knowing creative intelligence that performs miracles on those like me that have been lifted out of darkness and shown the way

I know that my soul cannot tolerant the false reality around me that most choose to live in

I have been granted a gift and my primary purpose is to honor that